Well i did it- i ended the relationship

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

In my last post i said that i was trying to figure out how i had to end my relationship with my boyfriend. For those of you who dont know my situation, he was 23, had no license, never went to college, and is still employed in a grocery store part time. We were together for a year and it always really bothered me that he never did anything with his life because he has the potential. He went on a one week trip to visit family and i harshly sprung it on him very soon after he returned. I told him that we need to take a break for a while, while he gets his life in order and finds himself. I do want to be with him but i know that he could never change if i hadnt had mentioned. The following day he went out and fixed his car that has been sitting in the driveway for about 6 months and is in the process of getting his license. This all happened within 2 days. I told him that he needs to change for himself and if i was with him during this time then he would be doing it for me.

 

The thing that is bothering me is that i told him we need a break from us and he is assuming that i wont see other people which in fact i want to. i am interested in a guy and the feeling is mutual. He is the one who gave me the strength i needed to get away from my boyfriend for awhile, well he gave me the strength without knowing it. Now, i dont know if i should tell my ex that i am going to see other people or not. I mean, this guy actually works in the same store but he has so much more to offer me which is why i think i was attracted to him. He is only a year older than me which is another plus. I just dont want the news to get back to my ex. Him and this guy actually talk too, they used to work in the same department a few years ago but i know that i would never be a topic of discusssion between them, simply because of the fact that hardly anyone at work knew about my relationship with the ex.

So what should i do? I really want to see this new guy but i dont want to tell my ex about it either. Should i initiate NC or should we just go about as being friends?

 

Help

[Caterina]

You need to make it clear to him that you are going to date other people. It sounds like you want to end it completely. YOu shouldn't drag him around if you want it to be over...let him know its over. He might need to separate from you for a while.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I agree completely with Caterina.

 

The only reason you would remain his friend would be out of guilt because you don't want to hurt him, but not ending it completely would be worse for him in the long run.

 

Caterina said it best. Go into strict no contact after you make it very clear that your intentions are to move on.

[Bethany]

I'm not one to mince my words so here goes....

 

I think you're being unfair to him, You told him you want a break because it bothered you that he wasn't 'good enough', so now he is making a effort for you, you want to date his mate behind his back? That's a no-no and just mean.

 

What will happen after you have dated this other guy? Will you expect him to be waiting for you after you have done the dirty on him with his mate?

 

If he has any sense, he will jump straight in that car he fixed and ride off with someone else who doesnt mind what he does for a living without a backwards glance..

[bobo85]

trust me..end it competely. My ex-gf strung me along for months. I still feel bitter about what she did and dont know if i can forgive her for her selfish ways.

[joyce1412]

i agree that it was best you two broke up. he isn't right for you and you aren't right for him.

 

you can let him know that you would like to have an amicable relationship, and hope to be friends in the future. but for now i suggest you be firm and say that you two need distance for several months--it is going to help him move on. it is the absolute kindest thing to do for the dumpee.

[reddog]

My ex is dating another guy atm and I hate her for it. I felt she didn't give the relationship we had time to cool. Give your ex some time. This guy you like will be waiting if he likes you. Just don't jump into another relationship so quickly. You will bring some of the problems you had with your past relationship over and you will be hurting your ex. Let things cool and tell him you want to date other people and give it a few weeks. DO not lead him on like everyone else says. This will reflect badly on you. If its over, its over don't say maybe this or sometime in the future. TELL him its over. This will be the best for both of you. Don't try to hide the new relationship. If you are dating and serious say so. Only hidding it makes it worse.

[Krypt]

If its over, its over don't say maybe this or sometime in the future. TELL him its over.

 

This "break" thing just doesn't fly. My GF recently told me that and I was confused. If you want to see other people then call it what it is a "break-up". A break implies that after time there may be a chance to come back. This works if you just want to evaluate your life but not when you want to see someone else. Don't lead him on like that, plus he will find out about u seeing the other person and that will make the situation 10 times worse for him and hurt you in the process.

 

It happened to me on both ends. I helped a friend out of a bad relationship and she wanted to stay friends with the ex while pursuing a new relationship with me which severly made our relationship difficult. And of course this time where i was wearing the other guys shoes... Shoes I'd suggest don't wear.

 

It's tough ending one relationship then rushing into another especially if both work together. I'd say give it time, if it's real it will last. But that's easier said than done. Good luck though.