what does it mean

[seren]

hi,

 

my ex boyfriend and i ended it because well he did because ive been overseas for awhile now and hes gone thru hard times and has to change his direction in life and just be by himself for awhile, he said hes beging to feel less for me because im not there and doesnt knwo if hes in love with me anymore then he said that he does love me he really does the next day but just has to sort his head and life out at the moment, before i left for oevrseas things were hard between us so this is understandable and best decision i think anyways, though im overly sad and miss him alot. what did he mean when he said he doesnt htink hes in love with me anymore but the next day said he needs to explain himself and that he does really love me he really does????? and the other thing im confused about is hes got rid of all my letters ive ever sent him, weve broke up once beofre when we just started out and he didnt get rid of them but this time he has, the thing is dnot you only do that kind of thing if youve been the one that was dumped or if your mad at that person? why has he done this, is it because he sees absolutely no way for us to reunite as a couple and doesnt se a point in keeping them???????? but even then when i have split from exs ive still kept their letters.........im confused, should i take this as a sign

[sabena]

hello...I understand that you are going through a hard time right now and hopefully someone here will be able to help you.

 

One of the first things I wanted to say from your post is that just because you do things in a certain way, don't expect others to do the same. It's a valuable lesson that I have recently learnt. I say this because you mention that he has thrown all of your letters away. Well, some guys are just not as emotional as women. My ex did the same, and at the time I was devastated that he did this, but now I realise that a lot of guys are not as sentimentally attached to these type of things as women.

 

The other thing that I wanted to say was, that obviously your bf has had problems and has had to work them out himself and this has questioned his feelings for you and made him a little confused. I believe that you can still love someone and not be in love with them and maybe you both need to sit down and talk about this, and more importantly, listen to what each other has to say.

 

You need to find a neutral place and allow him to express what he feels deep down, don't push him when he does this because a lot of men having problems expressing their feelings, and it won't be easy for them and I think a lot of women forget this and don't understand it. But talk to him, listen and carefully consider what he has to say and then you do the same.

 

Maybe the relationship has genuinely come to its natural end and that it is now time to thank each other for making part of your life happy and move on. Or, after talking maybe things will work themselves out. But you both need to be honest about your feelings and if one of you is not feeling as much for the other, don't push it, let it go....

 

take care and hope that you find your answers soon

[charlotte_skye]

i can understand guys arent sentimental but he keeps absolutely everyone elses letters, its just way he is, he keeps his dads even when their not important or long and his bros and his mates and used to mine, so i dont think its a that hes not sentimental thing.........so what do you think?

[babycristy456]

Maybe he got rid of the letters because it might still hurt him to read them and he might think that a way to get over you would be to get rid of painful memories. Some people just hide them, but maybe he decided to throw them away.

 

He might have his reasons to break up with you, and it might be the best thing. But breakups don't usually hit someone until life start to move on. In the beginning of a break-up, people usually think that they will be getting back. Maybe he feels that its really time to move on for good and needs to do what will make him move on faster.

 

I wish you lots of luck in whatever happens.

[reborn]

Hi Charlote,

This is reborn I answered one of your postings before. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this hard time. It sounds like it is very painful and confusing.

My ex broke up with me citing the same reasons as yours did. He also did something that left me wondering. Before he had a little heart bookmark I had giving him on Valentines in his room but post breakup he removed it. My other ex who broke up with me in a more dramatic way kept a valentine he gave on top of his bed even as he started dating someone else. The fact that my current ex took my little valentine away really hurt me. That is kind of stupid but there are also other stuff that hurt.

I know it is really hard not to stop obsessing about this things. But no one in this forum will be able to tell you the real reason why he did that. Maybe he did it cause he really cared and found those a painful remainder. Maybe he just totally wants to push your memory away. Which is a sing probably that deep down he must be fighting it hard, even though he may have his mind made up. I think its best to ask him. Tell him how it saddened you. Telll him how you think it means he hates you, or whatever because this is not a gesture that is usual with him. Don´t be blaming, just let him see how this has affected you and hurt your feelings.

 

Breakups are a tough time. Sometimes we do things we may later regret. But I do think you should let him know that even though you have broken up and that he has a right to behave as he wants, that this particular action really hurt you.

 

Good luck Charlotte. Hope these situations were easier. Take good care of your self. And good luck finding your answers.

-Reborn