Worrying too much about the ex?

[roamroam]

I've been in an LDR for eight months, and just left visiting him for 3 months. He emails me that he's invited his ex-girlfriend to come and visit him. I know they had a relationship for 3 years and want to remain friends, and I have no problem with that. However, I feel like the minute I left he turned around to talk to her. He didn't talk to her at all while I was there.

 

I know you need trust in an LDR, and I do trust him, but how do I get through all the feelings of sadness knowing that he's going to be spending time with her and not me. I've told him I wanted to know what his intentions were with her, and that while I didn't have a problem with him being friends with her, I wanted him to be honest to both me and her.

 

He's supposed to come visit me next month, and while I've been really excited about seeing him again, since I've found out about his ex girlfriend visiting, I find myself sort of dreading his visit.

 

I feel like I'm over reacting, but knowing that she's in the same country as him and can see him much easier than I can being accross an ocean, my mind just seems to think the worst. I don't want to be strung along clueless accross the ocean thinking about him "having the best of both worlds".

 

Am I just worried about nothing?

[Mavh25]

Well first things first, he told you about it, he did not want any secrets obviously, he could just as easily not told you and you would never have known right?

 

I think you need to give it some time. You need to try and think that maybe he really does just want a friend right now, and its her

[brokenheart32]

What is LDR?

[Mavh25]

long distance relationship

[brokenheart32]

Thanks Grrrrrrrrrr.

[Rabican]

I think its sort of innapropriate for him to be hanging out with this ex. Im a big fan of really limiting that ex bf/gf friendship. Or ex fwb or whatever...

 

If you are uncomfortable with them hanging out, then tell him. See how he reacts... I think if hes really the one, he will understand your concern and most likely not have her visit.

 

How would he like you having an ex bf come to visit you? I doubt he would like it.

 

I know that trust is important in a relationship, but i think equally important is respect for your partner. Not putting yourself in a sticky situation that causes your partner to worry, or wonder if she needs to worry is a big show of respect. Why does he need her to come visit anyways?

[jh1581]

I think its sort of innapropriate for him to be hanging out with this ex. Im a big fan of really limiting that ex bf/gf friendship. Or ex fwb or whatever...

 

If you are uncomfortable with them hanging out, then tell him. See how he reacts... I think if hes really the one, he will understand your concern and most likely not have her visit.

 

How would he like you having an ex bf come to visit you? I doubt he would like it.

 

I know that trust is important in a relationship, but i think equally important is respect for your partner. Not putting yourself in a sticky situation that causes your partner to worry, or wonder if she needs to worry is a big show of respect. Why does he need her to come visit anyways?

 

 

I totally agree with Rabican on this one. I think that type of behavior is somewhat inappropriate and disrespectful simply because of the discomfort it causes the other person. I'm still really good friends with my ex too, but the day my LDR because a committed relationship, my ex and I stopped talking on the phone as much and we don't hang out anymore (we only did once in a while to begin with).

 

I also agree with Rabican that refraining from these types of behaviors without being asked is a big sign of respect for your significant other. I'm almost CERTAIN that your significant other wouldn't like it if YOUR ex came to stay with you. Have you explained your discomfort with the situation by asking him to put himself in your shoes? Sometimes people don't realize how worrisome and bothersome something is until it happens to them.

 

And I also want to know..for what reason did he tell you she's coming to visit anyway?