I met someone great...

[Sentinel]

...but she has a boyfriend. I met her at the mall by "accident". She was at an information kiosk for acrylic tubs and showers. I actually need to replace my shower stall, so I wasn't trying to pick her up. I had noticed her on several occasions while I was at the mall, and thought she was very attractive, but didn't really have time to stop by and discuss replacing my shower stall, so I'd just smile and go on my way... However, I had taken a job in the mall, so during my training week, I had time during lunch, since I was in there anyways, to inquire about their product.

 

Well, we hit it off immediately, and we talk whenever I get a break, and she and I often spend my whole entire half hour lunch talking about everything, just standing in the middle of the mall talking, really hitting it off. No awkward silences, or anything negative. It is uncanny how much we have in common, yet our differences aren't so severe that we could never get along. We have similar personalities so that works well. I get giddy when I go by to see her, ( I'd go by on every break, but I don't want to seem desperate -I'm not, nor do I want to annoy her since she is working.) and I think about her most of the time. I asked her one time if it was ok if I was talking with her and she said she didn't mind at all.

 

One day I told her I was gonna be in her neck of the woods, as I shoot .22 competitively and had a match near where she lives, just for conversation. She replied with, "my boyfriend lives very close, just down the road", I didn't even blink, I just carried on the conversation asking a little about him, and we continued talking about what we were before. The thing I found interesting is that she never brought him up until something I said caused her to mention him. Then a few days later he came up again, and she mentioned that they don't live together, and she said that she wasn't moving in anytime soon, because she "doesn't want to be a bother to him financially, she is more independent etc." She is staying with her parents currently, as she is thinking about pursuing her master's degree, and was the 8 year student before, so I'm guessing she's a little short on cash.

 

I guess I need help in identifying a few things here. Is she just chatting with me because she is a friendly person? Could she possibly "feel" something for me, but can't do anything about it since she is in a relationship? What does it mean when she and I talk and each day we discover something new about one another that is unique and, we can continue to talk about a wide variety of topics (I am a pretty intellectual guy, so that trait is very sexy to me). Sometimes in our pauses, we even sigh the same way, at the same time! We have very similar political and religious views, we even feel the same way about life and death. She has a great adventurous side too! Folks, I'm telling you...if she was single...I wouldn't be writing you right now, we'd be on a date!

 

Her boyfriend is an electrician, I don't know him, but maybe I am just good conversation for her? But they are together for a reason, right? I wouldn't have such a dilemma if I didn't like her so darn much. I actually get nervous as I walk up the mall to talk with her, I try to make it seem casual, like I am going into the bookstore, or Sears or something, and I'll say "Hi" on the way past and just stop to make small talk, knowing full well that we'll end up having a great half hour engaging conversation. A guy I work with says, "well at least you get her for a half hour every day", and you know what, for that I am very lucky! I look at it this way, even if this never goes beyond good conversation (some of the best I've ever had with a woman, BTW), I will have a least gotten a glimpse at the woman of my dreams.

 

Well, gotta get to bed. I just had to get this out there, I have also been journaling my feelings as well. It helps too. Any questions, comments, or advice appreciated. Thanks for reading!

[dopexile]

I would say the bad sign that she mentioned the boyfriend as soon as you mentioned you were going to be near her place kind of suggesting you should meet up. And she didn't say anything bad about the BF...

[Fivek]

You should have blinked when she mentioned the boyfriend.

 

She's just being friendly and considers you a friend only. And even if she did have feelings for you, you don't want to be "that guy." Run! Google one-itus as well.

[Sentinel]

Thanks guys! I'll keep all this in mind, if I see her again (Haven't seen her since last Friday).

 

I understand what the oneitis thing is. It's just that she is unique from most other women in her views on many different things and intellectually we are a very close match, like I said it's uncanny. I'm not imagining it. Yes, there is the initial infatuation, but I really do like talking to her about all those interesting things, not just because she is a girl I like.

 

Most people don't "get me", so it's just really cool when I meet someone who does. I guess that is also part of the enthrallment here as well. As I said, if she is just a happenstance aquaintance, I at least have renewed faith that there is someone, somewhere compatiable and thinks like I do.

 

Kind of a nice feeling after being in dead-end dating and relationships the last two years.

 

I also certainly have not stopped all pursuits of other women just because of one person, at 33 I realize what a crush is and how to handle it. I would assume most people who get caught up in "oneitis" are some what emotionally immature and I bet it happens mostly in people under 30. Most men my age realize women are not the mystical dream that is so often fantisized about.

[Sentinel]

Update,

 

What does this mean:

 

After work I had to go up to Sears to buy something. Yes, I really was going there. On the way I saw that she was talking to someone, I kept walking right by. I didn't even look in her direction, (I purposely did this so I would not make eye contact) however as I was walking by she made it a point to turn, notice me and say hi, and ask how I was doing. I said "hey, what's up" and kept walking, thinking what a nice surprise... She did not come on to her shift today until 4 pm, so I didn't even think I'd see her today.

 

Well, I came back from Sears, not wanting to be rude and having a few minutes, I stopped to make some small talk...and this time we stood there for an hour and a half talking, laughing, and having another great conversation about many different things from similar interests to relationships, etc... (I know, that doesn't mean anything, it was just good conversation)

 

Now here comes the parts I don't understand (If she is truly NOT interested, that is). In the first 15 mins. of our conversation she had a person interested in the product, so I gracefully stepped out of the way so she could inform her customer, and do her job, lol. While she was doing that, I went over to the Verizon booth as I needed to check something on my plan anyways. Well, after a few minutes, (I did not look back on purpose again for awhile) I finally did glance back, and she was looking up and smiling at me.

 

I had finished my business at the booth, and she was still busy with her customer so I went over to the bookstore to browse the bargin rack, planning that I would just say bye and leave when she was done. I was completely ignoring what was going on, and getting into a book when she walks up right beside me and re-engages me in conversation! (Keep in mind this was about 10 -15 mins later) I fully expected to put the book down, look up and see her standing at her display, maybe waving goodbye or something "nice" like that. We then continued talking for another hour. I finally had to say goodbye, as I am sure she and I could have easily stayed there another hour and a half talking, and I had other errands to run and wanted to get home. I even mentioned it earlier, "I'd better get going", but she never acknowledged it, with a statement like "ok, well bye" or something mutually to break off our conversation. Instead, she kept the conversation going (which, I didn't mind, of course!) and only after I really said bye and walked away did it end.

 

Keep in mind she is a quality person, one who I respect and she has integrity, and doesn't seem to be bothered by my presense at all. I did ask her again if it was ok for me to be "monopolizing" her time, and once again she replied, "no, not at all".

 

So, I ask you this...if she is just being polite to me, why doesn't she politely ask me to leave her alone, ESPECIALLY since she has a boyfriend. And why would she make sure to say hi to me, whenever it was clear she was enganged in a conversation with another person, and while she was facing the other way? And then to make it a point to re-engange me while I was doing something else 15 minutes later?