7 Months Later

[Casket]

Hey all,

 

Well its been a little over 7 months since i broke up with my girlfriend. I thought things were going fine a month ago and i really felt like i could move on, she seldomly entered my head and when she did she got kicked right back out.

 

So this is when i met my (recent) ex, about a month and we started going out. It felt good to be in a relationship again, to be cared about. I hadnt had sexual contact for a long time so i rushed into things. We did everything other then sex (she is a virgin) but i didnt want to have sex with her because i knew i didnt love her. I thought time might change this but i think i rushed in way too fast (since my first ex) so i broke it off with her 5 days ago.

 

Ever since then i have been thinking about my ex ALOT and i dont know why. I have even seriously thought about calling her. Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice?

[InHiding]

Your recent ex was a rebound relationship. You've heard of them, I'm sure. You jump into a relationship that you have hopes for, but the feelings just aren't there. Sometimes they help us move on and heal the wounds we had from the primary relationship, but sometimes they really do nothing more than remind us of how much we loved the person we are trying so hard to get over. I've been through both.

 

I was in love for 2 years, then we broke up because we couldn't get through some major issues, we didn't see eye-to-eye. We did love each other though. I jumped into another relationship with a man that I felt nothing for. I broke it off after a few months, but I was filled with a huge void for that one love. I wanted him back more than ever. We never got back together, and I still feel a longing for him. I never really let myself heal from those wounds. It sounds like this is where you're at.

 

I would just take some time for myself, if I were you. Let yourself heal now. It might be just as painful as it was when you guys broke up, if you're anything like me. But it's important that you take this step.

 

Good luck.

[friscodj]

You are thinking about your "first" ex because you never really processed the grief and let yourself emotionally detach from her. And the ending of this relationship with your "second" ex has created a void in your heart. Because you never regained solid footing from the first break-up, you now want to go running back to your "first" ex who you are still attached to to fill this emotional void.

 

You broke your "emotional leg" with your "first" break up. It hurt a lot at first and then started to heal a little bit. You saw this relative improvement as complete healing and decided to go out running again with this new girl. But the bone wasn't fully healed and you re-broke it. Now, you are looking for your "first" ex for a shoulder to lean on as you continue to try to run.

 

Yeah, I've been there. As hard as it is, you need to reset your emotional switches, lay in bed, alone, with your leg propped up, and really and truly let your bone heal.

 

Right now, with your thoughts of calling her, you stand before a rollercoaster at an amusement park in hell. I have taken that rollercoaster ride before. You run back to your ex, get back together (maybe), things are high for a while, then come crashing down, break up again, repeat cycle...

 

This ride will wear you down to the bone. It will exhaust you. You'll lose your identity and self-esteem in the process. You won't recognize yourself anymore. You will slowly waste away and suffer like you never have before.

 

I'd rather turn my nuts inside out than take that ride again...

[robowarrior]

You basically just want your ex back , and this new girl just won't do compared to your ex. What you are doing is just dwelling over the past, over the could have beens and the should have beens , however only the facts and how things are and what is real in your life at this minute is what realistically counts in your life.

 

You see , if something doesn't work out, you need to give a new person in your life a chance. Its normal that you would still love your ex and that memories of her would emerge, but you are with a new girl who you should love with all your heart, if you don't, don't you understand that your relationship is meaningless without love? The meaning of life is to love and help eachother, so just having sex with this girl is really empty. And even worse you might even break her heart because she thinks your really in love with her. -_-

[Casket]

Which is why i ended it so not to let it go on and on and break her heart even more then it is allready.

 

Thanks for your advice

[friscodj]

Which is why i ended it so not to let it go on and on and break her heart even more then it is allready.

 

Good man, that was the classy thing to do. I read a lot of stories about people using each other or getting used on this site. Pat yourself on the back, this will come back to you in some way down the road dude...