How can I let go if I know we are ment to be

[travsjeep]

We started dating when I was 17 and she was 15. We did everything together she had some problems from this guy in her past from raping her. It was hard but I helped her through it. We grew up together spending every day and night with each other. We made food, watched movies and took walkes with each other. My heart sunk everytime we kissed. I got to the age in college when I had girls wanting me and I didnt know what I wanted in life and I was lost and let her go. But I still had sex with her every night because it took my stress away. She moved on but we still saw each other off and on. I still loved her and she loved me. She was the girl everyone wanted to have so there was problems with my friend trying to get her. So I lost a lot of friends over her. She did some little stupid things and I did too. Im now 21 and she is 18. She was sent to a missions trip 3 months ago. I let her go because I thought It would be a good thing for us to be apart and not see each other every day for six months. And see if we could come back and get married if we still wanted each other.

Since she left I fell apart. I thought I could go and live without her but I cant. I believe know one can make my heart pound like she does. One thing that has been good since she has left that I became a better person and not chasing around girls and parting. I help my grandfather in the hospital and run a campus Christian fellowship and have changed my life around. I have begged her back on the phone over and over and sent her things in the mail. She met some one and she wants to be with him and not me anymore. She blams it on me because I let her go on this trip. She says God does not want me with her anymore and this man is who she should be with. But what I have in my head is "what if I wouldnt have let her go????" I could have been married to her right now. I can t let go because everywere I go she is there and I love her to death and dont want anyone. She does not see that because she is in Hawii and has this guy on her mind. She even told me she does not want to talk to me anymore when she gets home. I know this guy she is with and it will not work he lies to her to make him look good and she is going to get hurt but she believes him and I have no way to stop it form happening. I need her back. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[grneyedscotsman]

Hello Travsjeep.

 

I realize this is hard to deal with. It's even harder when you beat yourself up with adding "What if's" to the problem. However, your ex girlfriend is in Hawaii with a new love interest. What you need is to give your old relationship is a clean break.

 

Whatever you have learned since the break-up may be useful to you in your next relationship. If you're simply not ready to let go, you will find that by calling her, you are setting yourself up for depression. She will tell you news that you simply do not want to hear. Furthermore, hearing her voice on the other end of the line will only make you want her more.

 

What helps is staying busy. Set new goals to improve your quality of life-with or without a mate. Plan a weekend get-away with a few mates. Talk to trust worthy people about your feeling's. And remove or hide anything and everything from your presense that reminds you of her.

 

Transitions are difficult and usually take on a course of trial and error. But you will discover that as time moves forward, it will become easier to deal with and you will undoubtedly find ways to deal with getting pass the regrets, and the pain-- and finally pick up and move on. It is a journey that so many people go through. Loss is a sad fact of life. Realizing and accepting this fact, is the first step you will take to managing the loss.

 

Let her go. Forget the "If Only's" and the "What if's." It's your life and you have the right to be happy. Never give anyone that power over you.

 

Take Care/Godspeed!!

grneyedscotsman 8)

[travsjeep]

I have done all of that. Gone away for the weekend. Hung out with new people and have made new plans for my life. It is hard because when I made plans in the past she was there to confort me and take care of me. It just makes me mad that who ever gets her they will have the time of there life and the best girlfriend ever. Im the one that had to go through all of the hard times with her and when she was a no body I made her popular in her new school. The person she is today is because of me. Im trying to move on but it is hard. I will go through a depression if I ever see her back in town with this new guy. I will fall apart even if I'm over her. It seems like in my head she and I were ment to be because we were like brother and sister and all I need is one more chance. I feel like when a person is married for 40 years and loses there mate for life and dies with that person. I have no interest in any one else. Im the man of her dreams now and I can thave her anymore.

 

I feel like my life is over, Trav

[Sage Eagle]

Okay, So you don't have a girlfriend. You're not getting any sex. On your current course, you're about to become a monk. You feel down and depressed.

 

Why!?

 

"But Scotsman, I got no girl!" That is not the problem The problem is that you place your happiness on a girl. You can't be happy in a relationship unless you're happy being single. Get away, enduldge yourself in your hobbies and work. Whatever you do, do not sit there and regurgitate your emotions. Take Action.

 

What I commonly read is, "..but I am doing things to stay busy. I have a natural need for intimacy. I am tired of being single!"

 

And I am certain it is especially burning that you walk around and see these happy couples, hand in hand, with huge smiles on their faces, almost as if they're mocking you.

 

It is not doing you any good to dwell on the past right now. Start dating again. Set a goal for yourself. Write on your calendar that you will find a date within a certain amount of time-Even if it's not anything you want for permanancy. When you first begin dating again, your mind may reflect back on your ex. But if you keep distracting yourself, you will discover that the frequency that you reflect will be less and less.

 

Don't be so tender in your emotions and oblivious to reality. This will eventually destroy you piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit. Be the man. Start fresh right now-from this day. This is the day to reclaim yourself, not tomarrow-right now!

 

Sage Eagle

[Lone Star1607306437]

Howdy Sage.

 

Generally speaking, I agree with you on most of your posts. But I found this post to be somewhat confusing. Are you saying to date again, or stay single? Or what?? In the beginning of the post you advise to "Get away..Enduldge yourself in your hobbies and work." Then you advise to "start dating again." I'm sorry, but it seems confusing to me.

 

I guess your basically telling him to do something besides dwell. How does one do this? How does one go about activating one's internal drive?

 

Lone Star*

[mpolus]

I am familiar with how you are feeling. Often times I told myself, "I'll never find anyone as great as her again." Or "She was perfect and I messed it all up."

 

It wasn't perfect, otherwise there would've been no problems in your relationship. Also, do you honestly think that there is only ONE person in the entire world that could make you happy? Sure, she made you happy during this phase of your life, but we all change and so does our "ideal mate."

 

Do not continue calling her. Hearing her voice will bring back all the emotions and feelings you held for her when you were together. She'll also want to talk about the new guy in her life. Trust me on this one...it's better not to even pick up the phone than to hear about him.

 

It's hard to step back and see this as a small period of your life. But when you ARE married 40 years, you will not even remember this girl. You'll meet someone that will make you say, "wow, I am happy to be out of that relationship so that I can pursue this one." I understand it's hard to date. You'll look at every girl and think, this isn't as good as so-and-so, or my old girlfriend never yelled at me for this. But getting to know people will help heal you from this heartache. Just be fair to those that you date, don't hurt them the way you are hurting.

 

It's hard, but it's worth it.

 

Matt

[Lightingbird]

Travsjeep...

 

Love is a story. Sometime it ends with the sun setting over a loving couple, sometimes it sets over a single person thinking of the past.

 

At this point there is no meant to be with this woman. You may feel that you need her back but she has moved on in her life.

 

You cannot change the past, no gifts, words, special moments, nothing... nothing you can do can fix that. And things are even more hindered because she has a new love in her life. It's time to move on and let her go.

 

Don't call her, email her, send her any gifts or anything else that involves her. Taking care of her older family member can be helpful to him.

 

Do that for him not for her. But you need to heal. Let her go, please things will not get better.

 

I commend you on changing your life. That will help you. Now to complete the change for better leave her alone.

 

You'll be ok.

[travsjeep]

Im trying my best. She was great in my life but she was the hardest person to date. She just couldnt sit home. Anyways dont want to get into all of that. But I guess life goes on even though I dont want to say it. I just will go and work for my dad and help my grandfather at the hospital and try my best to go on. I just wish I could do somting all that we have been through I wish she would give it a chance before all of this other kid thing. I wish she will come back and see who Iam and than say wow what was I thinking he is really chaged. I hope I find someone but right now she is runing around on some island with my heart and will till the day she comes back and personaly gives it back to me.

Trav

[carl]

hi Trav thanks for your reply, you are going through a very similar situation to myself. ive read your posts with great sympathy cos i know how you feel. i havent ate for 3 days, i feel sick, i cry, i can't sleep and thoughts are just racing through mind mind from regret to what if id done that and i shouldve said that etc etc etc. it won't go away, the knot in my stomach is too much to bear. the hurt is undescribable. i expect you're going the the same emotional spell too. ive just sent a final goodbye from the heart letter (hoping she'll contact me) but ive heard nothing. i want her back but theres only so much you can do without creating hassle and causing her to hate you. like your ex, there'll always be a place in your heart for her, likewise with me. Y'see ive been through this before a few years back and believe you me Trav, the pain eases then eventually goes away, you think it never will, but i assure you it will. my emotional stage today is depression, i see no point to life anymore, im in deep pain and im very lonely and the happy memories are upsetting me badly. like your ex said, mine did too, she said she can't take me back cos she don't deserve me, unfortunately the other reply you got is right, they are saying that to ease the pain of the break up to get you away. my other ex of a few years back did that too. i really hope you get back with her and although its hard, really hard, you gotta go with that other reply you got cos its true: pretend you're getting on with your life and are happy. women dont like men who whimper and become gibbering wrecks, they will only come back to you when they see you are doing ok without her (although you're really not!). believe you me mate i have great sympathy for you as im going through the same, the heartache is tremendous and like you said when a song comes on to remind of your times it kills, it really kills. let time do its job, look at your emotions each day, was today as bad as 3 days ago? anger, upset, jealousy, hate, confusion....it's a process and can go in any direction with the hurt one. i wonder if my ex is thinking about me now and if shes read my letter? the frustration and wonder nags at me. give it time mate, anything could happen!

 

Carl

 

email removed