my reality

[bstrong2day]

Perception is reality, and this is my reality. Everything that was important and meant something to me is gone now. The train is leaving. It's already left, yet I'm still stuck at the station, alone in a town where I don't want to be. Everything, everyone is passing me by, happy people, people with plans. I've lost all will power and motivation. I have no plans. My whole world has caved in. I'm falling, and falling fast. I'm fading away.

 

 

One by one, all of the closest people in my life have moved away from me over the past two years. As they left, I became closer to my fiance. I needed her support, and she broke up with me. Now, after moving here 2 years ago to start my new life, I'm left with a condo that I can barely afford, in a state of my life where I literally have no one. I never thought this could ever happen to me. It's like my worst nightmare has come true. I don't know what to do.

 

As a last resort, I started taking an antidepressant 5 days ago. I'm on a very low dosage (12.5g), and yet I feel almost disconnected from my emotions. It's surreal. My emotions have been stabilized. The side-effects have been tough to swallow as well. I've got dry mouth, headaches, and a giddy feeling. It scares me, and I don't like it, yet I continue to take the meds because people close to me including my counselor tell me I can't continue the way I've been. I can't lose my job. The downside of the meds is that I'm unable to reach the emotional depths that I am normally capable of. I wanted to attend a Co-dependency Anon. meeting, and was unable because I felt like I was too giddy to tell my story. I felt as if I couldn't cry.

 

What I need right now are my friends and family. I don't need medication. I need people in my life that care about me and will be there for me. They have always been there. Now, they are all gone. I literally have no one, unless I pick up the phone to call them. I'm a really good person, and can't believe this has happened to me/ I let this happen.

 

The bottom line is that I have to come up with a long-term plan soon, because I can't keep this up. I have to pack my bags and start over back home in NY, or start making new friends out here. Moving back home to NY is not an option though, because I have already put a down-payment on a condo out here. I don't want to be here anymore, but I can't go anywhere and I have nobody.

 

3 months ago I had my close friends, a loving fiance, and a bright future out here ahead of me. It's all gone now.

 

I need help. I am not religious, but I am beginning to pray to the higher power for a change for the better, because right now I am unable to make these changes on my own.

 

All I have is the past right now, and if I let that go, I really will have nothing.

[annie24]

hey. hang in there!

 

you know, moving after a big breakup is good. helps you start fresh in a new town, without reminders of your ex.

 

as for the condo, can you sell it at some point? maybe within this year?

 

I used to take antidepressants and found that most of the side-effects went away after a few weeks.

[saltwatergirl]

You can't fix the rest of your life today.

 

What can you do today to get yourself up and moving?

 

Is there something you can clean? Can you go jog? Can you go rent a movie (comedy) or better yet can you get the paper and find one to go see? Can you sit down with your bills and create a new budget? Can you go to Starbucks and sit outside and drink a frappachino? I recommend trying the banana/coconut. Can you go to a bookstore and sit down at a table and read a book about finding peace? How about a new CD? Can you take everything out of the fridge and organize cabinets? Can you go change your oil? Can you get a pet? What can you do TODAY.

 

Salt

[happyninja75]

one thing that you have that is more important then anything els you have mentioned, is that you still have yourself! it sucks right now but you will get threw this, and be a better person in the end! life is not about getting from point A to point B its the ride that counts and when you see that you will start to feel better and the ride right now is rough. but you will get to the better part of the ride soon, its right around the corner.

[cherishthepain]

pick up the fone and fone your family, keep in touch but you don't have to go live with them, isn't this what we should learn from the break ups? You should cherish the ones that you love, but don't get too attached so you won't be too dependent on them

 

then go make new friends not necessarily friend with opposing sex and rush into a new relationship, but anyone you can hang out with, if you don't know where to start, try things that you have never tried before that gives you the chance to make new friends. This is what i have been trying, and so far, it's great. Pick one: join a charity organization, travel, learn to play guitar yourself, go bungee jumping, work out, etc... maintaining a balanced amount between solo activities and group activities really help, you get to balance out the love for yourself and love for others.

 

if you only have time for 1 thing because of work, try the charity thing because i honestly think a meaningful happiness is better than happiness itself

( meeting someone interesting and do things to help people together is surely better than just meeting someone else and go see movies together)