Feeling a bit lost and confused

[Ixtapa]

I've been a long distance relationship with my guy for the past 16 months now, he is in Mexico, I'm in Europe. We met through the internet in 2001 and became friends, but we didnt really have any intention to meet at the time (mostly due to the distance and high cost of travelling to meet each other).

 

To cut a long story short, I finally travelled to meet him in February 2005 and we have been in a long distance relationship ever since. I have developped strong feelings for him and pretty sure he feels the same although he is the type to hold back a bit. He says that he doesnt want to start fantasizing too much about us...he is a very down to earth guy and believes that until we can find a way to be together, we won't know if we would really be right for each other or not. I actually agree with him that having a "normal" every day relationship with someone is not the same as just seeing that person a couple times a year.

 

Anyway, thing is, if and when we decide to finally make a move and be together (can't do that right now as I'm studying at the moment and won't be done with school until the end of 2007), one of us will have to leave a lot of things behind and I can't deny that it is scaring me a bit.

 

So guess I am wondering if there are any people here who have made that major move of leaving their country to be united with their boyfriend/girlfriend and could share their experience with me. Would also love to hear from people in my situation who are considering moving (or having their significant other move for them)....How do you deal with the whole situation ? I have days when I feel full of enthousiam and willing to do pretty much anything to be with him and other days when I'm not so confident and think the whole thing doesn't make any sense. Not because we dont care for each other enough but because the whole situation is complicated.....

[monkey1]

I would think it's a toss up. I mean it IS a gamble and a risk to move cities for someone much less countries!!

 

My boyfriend is currently in England and I'm in San Francisco. He was in the States though when we first started talking.

 

Anywho, yeah, we have to consider one of us moving for our relationship to work.

 

I've read on here from other folks experiences that some do work. I emailed one girl on here, I don't know if she frequents this board anymore, but she moved to Australia from the States to be with her boyfriend. And boy, was there a lot she had to consider apart from just living together. You're basically starting over from square one.

 

I think if you consider moving to where your boyfriend's at, you should visit and really get a feel for the city and if his family is there, get to know them and see if you get a long. Then sit down and really discuss with him about how you feel and everything. Last thing you want is if you move for things to fall apart because someone went in with doubts or something was over looked or someone didn't fully disclose their feelings about a situation.

 

For it to work, you both have go to want to be in the relationship and give it 100% each and have the same/similar goals about what you want to accomplish with each other. And importantly be honest and learn to compromise.

 

Hope this gives you a little help.

[Ixtapa]

Monkey1...thanks for your answer...I agree with everything you wrote My plan is actually to go and stay in Mexico city for a while once I am done with school here (and if he is still there as he might try to find a job in Europe...that would make things much easier for me). I guess it is normal to have doubts when your boyfriend is so far away...some days are better than others...

[Aurian]

Just one word of warning. Whoever moves will need a lot of attention and support. I made the mistake of having my still-husband move to my country, when I still had problems and issues in other parts of my life unresolved. They took away so much of my energy and attention that I wasn't able to give him the support he needed.

 

We're apart again, just waiting until I can immigrate to his country. And I am determined that this last chance will work out.