Story and Suggestions

[reddog]

I am 23 and my ex-gf is going on 21. We were together for little more than 2 years. Like everyone else the first year was great. We NEVER fought. That isn't always a good thing. We were together 24/7. She wanted to marry me and really cared for me. My problem was this was my first relationship and haven't really had other relationships. The next 1/2 year went great still, very little fighting and lots of fun. Her family loved me and easily took me in as a son/brother. We played softball together and I drank with her brothers (really don't drink often).

 

The last 1/2 of the relationship got rocky. I really figured it was the normal relationship everyone had. Little fights. Nagging things. I figured out something was up when she kind of changed on me, so I did the NO NO and went through her phone. I found out she was talking to a guy at 3 a.m. at night for over an hour. That really got me jealous. She liked the guy, but looking back on it she wouldn't have done anything. For the last 1/2 of our relationship she was becoming more popular as she changed jobs to a server. It did not go to totally crap just some bad days. Obviously I was scared to lose her. She is a much more pretty girl than I am a guy. She decided to go out of town with her friend on vacation during a time we selected to go on vacation. This really uspet me. The one day she told me she HAD to be home she didn't. I was mad and stupidly broke up with her. This didn't last too long as I was wanting her back within 3-4 days. We waited a week and got back together. Things were not the same. I gave her space and wasn't as jealous. But 1 1/2 months later she broke up with me. Devistated. Did all the wrong things like most people. Gave her almost 2 weeks of LC and talked to her again, not in person, but on the phone. She wanted to stay friends but did not want to date yet. Gave her another week of NC and this is where I am at now.

 

HERE IS THE QUESTION

 

I meet her for lunch giving some stuff back to her and eating. I am pretty sure I played my cards right. Didn't talk about our relationship, confident, and funny. She told me she was dating and didn't like one guy and thought another other guy was nice. I knew who the nice guy was as he was hitting on her during our relationship online. She told me he had camo shorts and pink shirts acting like it was a little weird. After we talked about that briefly, I asked her if she was going to let me date her. I asked her if she wanted to go to a minor league game next week. She said maybe. We talked a little longer and I ended our lunch. I got a hug and she got her 2 things. I texted her 2 hours after lunch "Thank you for meeting up. Was great being with you." Nothing yet. I want to know If I should not contact her and let her contact me and bring up going out? Should I contact her if she doesn't sometime next week? I happened upon some major league tickets in two days, should I call her when I know she is bored after work Sat night and see if she wants to go to that Sunday? She is a needy girl and seems to NEED relationship. I don't want to be left out in the cold when she is getting back in the game. The break has really shown me what I was missing out on. It wasn't just the loneliness, she was great to me and I was great to her. Everyone thought we would get married.

[InHiding]

Don't push it. Don't invest so much into her when she is giving very little back. I would contact her only to let her know the date of the game and get a definite yes or no, and then let her contact you.

 

I don't think you will be "left out in the cold" when she's ready to get back in a relationship because of your lack of trying. If she wants to be with you, she will. If not, she won't. I'm sorry that this may be a little harsh, but it seems to me she's not exactly acting like she wants to get back together, just trying to salvage a friendship.

[happyninja75]

if its ment to be it will be, give her what she wants space and lots of it. believe in yourself, be confident. if she really loves you she will be back. and i didnt like hearing she is better looking than you, i bet she isnt but if you put that vibe out there people will see that including her, your better than that! nc all the way for you, have fun and work on yourself. in time great things will come your way!

[reddog]

Don't push it. Don't invest so much into her when she is giving very little back. I would contact her only to let her know the date of the game and get a definite yes or no, and then let her contact you.

 

I don't think you will be "left out in the cold" when she's ready to get back in a relationship because of your lack of trying. If she wants to be with you, she will. If not, she won't. I'm sorry that this may be a little harsh, but it seems to me she's not exactly acting like she wants to get back together, just trying to salvage a friendship.

 

 

I will have to go into NC for me to be friends with her. I can tell it won't work out as just friends at least for a year or two. I had to quit both teams I was on because she was somehow involved with them. It was hurting me too much. I am hoping I showed her the happy confident me and that will place a seed in her mind. Should I call her Monday and give her the time and get a yes or no? If I go NC when should I come out and answer or contact her(I know its to heal myself, but is that the best solution for getting her back)?

 

if its ment to be it will be, give her what she wants space and lots of it. believe in yourself, be confident. if she really loves you she will be back. and i didnt like hearing she is better looking than you, i bet she isnt but if you put that vibe out there people will see that including her, your better than that! nc all the way for you, have fun and work on yourself. in time great things will come your way!

 

The better looking is just for detail and she may be better looking, but I am a nicer guy that many girls would love to date that has a clean past. Just meeting those girls is the hard part. When you say give her space, should I text her back/call her back? Wish her a happy b day(july 22)? Should I let her contact me about the date?

 

Thank you both for your input. It is great to see what people think. I have been reading these forms to get me through this and try to enlighten myself on the relationship subject.

[reddog]

I have decided to write a letter like so many have on here. I have not contacted her yet and I am going to let the MLB game go by. When I do call her and give her the times I am going to give her more options than the game. They are all later in the day and I know she works one of the days and plays softball on the other days. I think I am going to incorporate going out to dinner if she can't make the times. If i get a no, the letter is going to be given to her. This is the rough draft so far. Suggestions comments always wanted.

 

This letter is intended for you to read when you have time to sit down and think about our future together. It is summing up my thoughts, what I feel, and what I must do. Our relationship was healthy and happy, but we did not attend to it and as all relationships without maintenance didn't work out. We were in love and from what I understood, you found what you were looking for as you wanted to marry me. Something happened between us. You found new friends and with those friends I gained the impression you felt more alive and independent.

 

Many things led to our breakup. We were too far into our normalcy. We needed a break from one another to get our heads on straight. It hurt so badly and I turned to so many for help and learned what was going on in our relationship. I had to figure out if I was missing you out of loneliness or out of true love. I didn't want to lose you at first, but realized this is what we need. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how our relationship was real and we needed to be together. This is where we currently are. I think I have given you enough time to think about us as you are starting to date again.

 

I truly love you and care for you. When I am with you my heart beats so fast and everything slows down. I am in eternal bliss when I am around you. You are the first thing in my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. When you are not around me, I want you in my arms to hold and cherish forever. No matter what happens, I will always have a love for you and care about you more than anyone could know. I cannot change what you want, but I can open your eyes to how I feel and show you how I obtained those conclusions. I hope you want to understand and identify with these conclusions.

 

I want you back. I want to reconcile our problems and learn from the past and also forgive each other for the past. By not showing a wiliness to work on our relationship I have to assume you want to move on. I cannot be there for you as a crutch if something goes wrong. I cannot let my love be toyed with and used against me. I am moving on with my life and will be cutting contact off with you until there is a realization. This letter is not intended to hurt or put you down, but to open you up to what I see. Many people say that if you set them free and they come back than it is meant to be. I would hate to see a return from a hurtful relationship as this would create problems in our own with other past relationship wounds coming into play. This letter is my only means of preventing this type of situation.

[need2bme]

reddog: When I sent my letter to my GF, she responded a little. She basically said that she understood the stuff I wrote and that I needed to get it off of my chest, but wanted to let me no that I was never taking a backseat to her ex nor anyone else's memory (to let you you know, her ex is a friend of the family).

 

I know the letter made her think, but I do not know what greater good it did. If you have read any of my current posts, you will know that I had a weekend meeting with her and it went VERY well.

 

She is now being short with me and has not called me since Tuesday. Her sisters no longer answer my call. I don't think it is right, but who can blame them? They do not want to get in the middle of it. My GF called me this past Tuesday, to speak with me about something that was bugging her and apologized for treating me the way she did and for dumping on me.

 

She seems to only want me when she needs me. I read a post on here to me, that read that she is hurting me but does not mean to. I am the person she knows to speak to when she hurts. The post went on to say that she knew something needed to change and she figured that change meant to break up with me and that would be the answer.

 

My point is this. I know she hurts. I know what I did wrong and there was a lot of it. I do not want you in the same boat as me. If we don't do for us (which is ALL we have now), if we don't fix what we believe is wrong or right, then we are doomed to repeat everything in a new relationship and in life, in general.

 

We are afraid and that is normal and understandable. I want more than anything to hold my GF and hear those 3 words and know that she means them and to know I mean more to her than anything else in this world.

 

If she does come back, I want it to be because of that and not because of guilt. If and when she does come back, I need to be fully ready...

 

 

 

AND SO DO YOU!!!

[reddog]

My point is this. I know she hurts. I know what I did wrong and there was a lot of it. I do not want you in the same boat as me. If we don't do for us (which is ALL we have now), if we don't fix what we believe is wrong or right, then we are doomed to repeat everything in a new relationship and in life, in general.

 

I agree with you totally, but are you trying to say by getting back with her and fixing things I will still repeat them? I do want her to come back out of love and not guilt. I talked to one of her good friends and she likes the guy who she is going out with. She also told her our meeting went well and was good.

 

I think the letter explains to her what I am doing and why I must do it so she knows I am not just being an mean guy.