shelly7 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 I've been on a date, I didn't feel anything for the person sitting accross the table, and I guess the feeling was mutual because I haven't heard from him after he said he was going to call me back. I have to admit that crushed my already crushed self esteem. I'm sitting here drinking wine, feeling sorry for myself, and just crying. To spite my nc I guess I broke it a little but he'll never know, I looked into his music account to see what he purchased recently and one song was about hurting someone and them not forgiving you, the other was about moving on. Is NC really working? I know I shouldn't want him back, because he cheated on me (as soon as I confronted him, I went into nc) but I still do. I've done a good job fooling myself for the past nine days. I let my anger take over and I know I'm strong enough to not contact him. But, it hurts so much it makes me physically ill. Time has just slowed down so much for me today. It's like all the hurt that's been building has just over flowed, and I feel broken. Why do I have such deep feelings for a person that has betrayed me so much? How will I ever make it through this long weekend? Please don't say go out with friends, I've been out with friends and I'm mentally exhausted from faking it. I hate pretending that I'm happy, when inside I just want to lay on my kitchen floor and cry. Link to comment
arwen Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Hey girl, is the break up just nine days ago? No wonder you are still very sad. Just do what you feel helps you most. I know when I broke up with my long term ex, I pretty much stayed indoors for days before I felt well enough to go out, let alone go on a date. Do you have close friends living nearby? Invite them over if that makes you feel better. You will feel better in time. Every long hour, long weekend that passes now, is part of the process of healing. It's very painful to be betrayed and rejected, but keep in mind that it will make you stronger. It was not your fault, you deserve love and affection (read your signature! ) take care, Ilse Link to comment
shelly7 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Share Posted June 30, 2006 Nine days ago was when I got up the nerve to confront him on his cheating, I had known a few days prior to that but was too paralyzed with hurt to act. Thank you for your words of encouragement, but I just feel hopeless and so lonely. A long holiday weekend is in front of me, and I'm not sure I can handle it, I don't want to talk to friends anymore. I guess I'm just disgusted by my own feelings, my pride gets in the way, when I say I want him back, I can't tell anyone that, it's too humiliating. I feel like such a fool. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 hey - don't worry, it will get better. don't worry about the date with the guy, it sounds like you didn't like him either. it's not like you were smitten by him or anything, and maybe he sensed your lack of interest so he decided not to call back. anyways, it will just take time. you'll be ok, just hang in there! keep healing! Link to comment
need2bme Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 You want him back, because he is what you know. You feel betrayed and our mind tricks us, because the heart wants what it wants. I seem to only remember the good times too. I think somewhere in my subconscious, there is a voice that is telling me I can fix it. I am not that bad, am I? No one deserves to be cheated on. That is the lowest thing you can do to someone. That is a total betrayal of love and trust. The pure essense of love, is TRUST. When you open up fully to someone, you are expecting them to not break your heart. He did. I know there is not much that can make you feel better right now. I am going to be traveling to a new job in a different state and will probably not talk to my GF for quite some time, if ever. It flippin sucks! I know I could have done more, but didn't. I will make you a deal. If you try to have fun, at least one day, then I will too. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I guess I'm just disgusted by my own feelings, my pride gets in the way, when I say I want him back, I can't tell anyone that, it's too humiliating. I feel like such a fool. It's not your pride holding you back, it's your common sense! he cheated, you deserve soooooo much better than that! (((HUGS))) Link to comment
shelly7 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 It's not your pride holding you back, it's your common sense! he cheated, you deserve soooooo much better than that! (((HUGS))) Thanks, I know you're right. In my mind I can definitely comprehend what you're saying, but the feelings of betrayal are so painful, I just keep replaying certain things in my mind, I know it will just take time. I'm just so emotionally exhausted from this experience. Need2bme, I will try to do something fun. Thank you both for taking the time to write to me, it means a lot to me. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 He has shown you that he is capable of betraying your trust, hurting you, lying to you, cheating on you...he is CAPABLE OF IT because he DID IT. you dont want that back. You want a healthy loving fun relationship that you feel comfortable and safe in. The only thing you have to do now is realize that you won't ever have that with HIM. Wanting it is fine, just change your target. He isn't the one who can give it to you, obviously. You have nothing to regret, you can still search for- and find -what you want...you just cant have it with him because he is a cheater. It wont stop, and you would only be wasting your time trying to make it happen with him. Salt Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 feelings of betrayal are so painful, I just keep replaying certain things in my mind, I have done this. I know it hurts. Believe me when I tell you this: It won't last forever. Salt Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 yeah, try to take care of yourself this weekend. give your self a pedicure, or go get a massage. rent some movies you've been wanting to see. just try to have a fun, relaxing weekend. good luck Link to comment
shelly7 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 I have done this. I know it hurts. Believe me when I tell you this: It won't last forever. Salt How long will it last? Annie24 I have planned to go away with my girlfriends next weekend to a spa, so I guess I do have something to look forward to. Link to comment
searching1951 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 It lasts a long time, but over a period of months you'll notice you feel better...it is gradual..zig zag up and then down, but on average it slowly heals..it's like you were in a bad accident and broke lots of bones. For short term relief, try to find things that distract you. I like to play online games at yahoo. Games of chess force me to concentrate on something away from the continuous flow of thoughts of her. After a while of chess I feel a sense of relief that I have broken the habit. They offer many games..freecell on your own computer is also good. If you can force yourself to do so, go but some great novels or historical books and read them. Try reading "John Adams" by McCullough... or "Tale of Two Cities" by * * * *ens..these books bring you back to life. If you feel like spewing venom at him, write a long letter or a long email, but only send it to yourself...and it helps to talk to yourself as two people..one a "therapist" who just asks questions, and "you" who does all the answering. I've done this on long drives and it really helps. It sounds so trite it will get better" but it's true..it does take a long long time. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 You need to get angry. Get really good and pis$ed off about it. find some CD's about this and play them over and over. the I DONT WNAT YOU BACK (Eamon) song is great for this. Go buy it and play it. .... Picture youself slamming the door in his face when he shows up apologizing. Picture how good it feels to get up and WALK AWAY from some idiot who used you, lied to you, and betrayed you because he THOUGHT YOU WERE WORTH SHI% . If you can get yourself worked up into an anger, you'll feel disgusted by him and what he did, you'll feel betrayed, you'll lose respect for him. YOU WILL BE ANGRY and once you get to that phase, the rest is downhill. You shouldnt be sad, you should be MAD. You didnt deserve this. Salt 1 Link to comment
shelly7 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 Salt, Awesome advice! Thank you, I feel a little better today. You're right, I'm not angry enough yet. Some days I am, and then others I just crash and feel sorry for myself. (I'm working on trying to stay out of self pity mode) Thanks for the tips! I'm an avid reader and gamer so that's good advice for me! Link to comment
shelly7 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 Salt, I just bought the Eamon song , "F*** IT". LOVE IT! I went for the explicit version. Thanks again! Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Great!!! Now internalize that anger! Focus on this one line, because it isn't about him leaving you, it's about YOU LEAVING HIM: Now your askin for me back--your just another ACT---look elsewhere cause YOUR DONE WITH ME!!!! Scream it outloud if you have to. He has shown you what he thinks of you. Fine! Be Gone Then! Remember: YOU are leaving HIM. Because he is a @!#$. Salt Link to comment
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