Blind-Sided

[MeLe]

I met this guy two years ago. When I first met him, he wasn't working due to a car accident. He had been living with a room-mate, but shortly moved in with me. He had trouble finding a job for about 18 months so he never paid rent or bills. But I knew that is would all even out in the end. He always stated that when he got his feet back on the ground we would be getting married and everything would equal out. He couldn't wait for the day he could treat me like a queen he said. We were in love.

 

Anyway, about 6 months ago he got a great job, however I started to realize the "equal" stuff never got started. He still wasn't paying rent or bills and by now I am working two jobs just to stay afloat. Anyway last month he tells me the best thing for "us" is for him to get his own place. He sees all the pressure I am under, and he wants the best for me. So we begin looking for apartments and such. He finally tells me he is going to move in with this guy, but the guy has a rule of no people over, so I can't come over. But not worry this is only temporary until he finds a place.

 

Anyway, after a month of him living with this "room-mate", he tells me that he really does have his own place and that the reason that he won't give me the address or let me come over, is because I'll go psycho when I see all the new stuff in his place. I guess all those years of not paying rent paid off, because he was this wonderful new apartment newly furnished. It was all the BIG lie. He wouldn't even give me his home phone number 'cause of his "room-mate" likes to sleep early.

 

So I ask how could he do this to me? How could he be so mean? How could he look me in the eye and lie to me. He says for me "take it easy" and he knew this would happen, and why would ever marry some B**ch who takes everything so seriously. He tells me he hopes we can still be friends but he realizes now he could never marry me, because I never cared about his happiness and all I wanted was to bring him down. I said how could you let me take care of everything for two years then break it off as soon as you get your life together. He then tells me that he appreciates all I did for him and states "Why don't you just let it go, God knows I have"

 

How does someone get over this? I thought there was a future. I thought I was helping to build our future. I never had reason to believe otherwise. And now he is just gone. I don't even know where he is in the city. He is just… gone.

[Rapunzelle]

OMG I am sorry to hear that. He is such a jerk. Sorry because I know you still have feelings for him, but take it from someone who is neutral, that is really low of him.

 

Don't waste one more minute trying to understand what happened.. it is clear and you probably already know what happened, he just used you while he was getting his things together. That is not right. You have lost NOTHING (but money).

 

I'm the pot calling the kettle black, as I make all kinds of excuses for my ex-bf who did not pay me rent, just half the grocery, when I'm a single mother paying over $2000 a month in mortgage, bills, etc. He kept saying once his 4-wheeler is paid off, once he's done college (electrical block), once his lease is up on his truck, etc etc. But he would have wanted me to put his name on my mortgage.. so I can relate a bit to your story.

 

You're also from Canada - are you french by any chance? From the way you write I get a feeling you are but I may be wrong. I'm french too.

 

Hang in there, trust me it's better this way. And it's even better, even if you don't see it now, that you don't have his contact info, as this way you have no choice but to have no contact and completely let go. Just turn the page. I know it hurts like crazy, but take things one day at a time.

 

R

[Goodfun88]

Wow, what a disgusting human being. I know you must be extremely hurt and angry right now, but just thank your lucky stars it was only 2 years and not 5 or 10. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do now, except start to heal and rebuild your life and self confidence. Do not give up hope. I'm sure you feel like your life is upside down right now, but its really best just to put this entire situation behind you. Don't give him the pleasure of thinking about the situation or ever even contacting him again. Its going to be hard, but I'm sure you'll be ok, and your lucky you found out what kind of guy he really is. And you know what, what goes around comes around, so I'm sure he'll get his in the end. Good luck and stay strong!

[Spugly Fuglet]

All I can say is he is not a man, less than for his actions mark him as some one who uses others. Hes the Pyco not you.

 

 

what gos around comes around.

 

Your best just knowing hes a Pice of ***** and walk away.

[MeLe]

The thing that hurts the most is I never saw it coming. I was not some young pup with stars in her eyes. I am approaching 30 and thought that "this was it". Here I had met a man who was going to fight the good fight with me. Build a life. My mom even helped him out last year and lent him money so he could go visit his family. He is Algerian, and hadn't seen them in years. My family was completely wooed by him. He charmed us all.

 

There can be no closure either. He has disappeared off the face of earth, and even if I could talk to him, I know he feels no guilt over his actions. No remorse. He spoke in a way that made it seem like it was my fault. If I had just been better to him, he would have been forced to lie to me. If I had just not been so obsessed with finances, he would have been able to relax with me. I pushed him away he said. He said I did this to myself.

[need2bme]

I am so sorry for what happened and cannot even imagine the pain. He is piece of ****. I am sorry, but anyone who would do that to another human being is not worth your time.

 

There is only one way to let go and that is time. I know you do not want to hear that, but I don't know what else you could have done. Of course you were obsessed with finances. You were the one paying for it all.

 

Take care and good luck.

[HangingInThere]

hmmmmmph...i am so angry reading this!

 

Leave him up to God and remember any good deed doesn't go unnoticed!

 

I would not waste another momemt think about him!

 

now realisitcally speaking......I would take action.....Don't you know his full name or even social...don't you knwo his new employer's info? I would take him to small claims court, that is if you have the energy and time to put into it!

 

I almost feel like being the judge and not leaving it up to God to judge, out of the betrayal and anger i would feel had i been you!

 

this is crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He is horrible person!

[CluelessGuy321]

Ah. I learned this lesson @ a YOUNG age in Military School. I lent a classmate $20 with the knowledge that he would pay me back. We had become good friends during out time together there, and I figured it would work out. He would always make excuses and never pay me back - infact he'd ask for more. Then at the end of it all, he said he wasn't paying me back because he's catholic and will just go to confession.

 

It showed me at a young age that there are people in this world who are jerks - who do nothing but leech off of other people's work - no matter how close the ties you think there are. Even family members can screw you over in this regard.

 

Bottom line is - never expect a return on investment unless there is a contract.

[JJRadical]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

[flower99]

hmmmmmph...i am so angry reading this!

 

Leave him up to God and remember any good deed doesn't go unnoticed!

 

I would not waste another momemt think about him!

 

now realisitcally speaking......I would take action.....Don't you know his full name or even social...don't you knwo his new employer's info? I would take him to small claims court, that is if you have the energy and time to put into it!

 

I almost feel like being the judge and not leaving it up to God to judge, out of the betrayal and anger i would feel had i been you!

 

this is crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He is horrible person!

 

Nicely said. I totally agree with this.

You should try to take him to court for the things he promised to pay for when he got a job, that's a verbal contract.

You are much better off without him. Take the lesson & run. Thank God you found this out before you married him.

 

Wow, I guess trouble finding a job for 18 months was the warning sign. A good man would have settled for whatever job he could to pay his way so YOU don't run dry working 2 jobs supporting him.

I'm sorry for the way he took advantage of you & all you feel right now. best wishes

[need2bme]

Amen, flower.

 

A good man would flip burgers, if it meant taking care of someone he loved. Forget him.

[MeLe]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

 

I never stated he owed me anything. I choose this, and for that I take full responsibility. And your right, it could have been worse with credit cards. But I don't think I could live my life "protecting" myself from getting hurt. I mean,this was a naturally progressing relationship over the span of two years. I sometimes felt overwhelmed, but never used (at the time), because the verbal commitment was not just about financial help, but a lifetime together. Never until this last week had I have thought, "wow, this guy is going to screwme over". I guess I just feel sick to my stomach over the complete lack of humanity in his actions.

[flower99]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

I very much disagree with this, I believe being a lazy mooch does make him a bad guy. Him watching the women he loves stress about money, working 2 jobs to keep a roof over his head & food in his stomach, but does nothing to help her does make him a bad guy.

Flipping burger or pumping gas to help pay his way would make him a decent guy. Or now that he has money paying her back some would also make a decent guy.

Yes I'm sure she's learnt to protect herself now. But he should also learn to take responsiblitly for himself & the debt.

[saltwatergirl]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

 

I don't agree with this. Probably not such a bad guy? He used her for financial (and other) selfish purposes, and lied to her about his feelings for her in order to do it. He mislead her about his intentions. That's crap. And I don't really agree that every guy who is supported by a girl knows that he is out of there when it's no longer required. There are plenty of decent men who are just financially strapped. Doesn't make them sinister. Although, clearly that is not the case here. He used her. He is pond scum.

 

Don't beat yourself up. You were decieved. That makes HIM wrong, not you. You are obviously a trusting person and a caring, generous, loving person who doesn't consider a man's material worth as the end all be all; in other words, a gold digger you are not! You see through the exterior and try to find the good inside a person. I think those are beautiful qualities, ones that some lucky -- deserving---man will love you for, and not exploit them for his own nasty purposes.

 

Im sorry you were subjected to this. Better to be out now than later. Think of the money you can now save! I wish you the best. Stay strong, hold your head up high as this idiot is clearly not worthy of you or your thoughts any longer.

 

Salt

[HangingInThere]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

 

 

huh?!

 

what do you mean he is not such a bad guy?!

 

i am sorry but i have to 100% disagree with you!!!!!!!! ANy decent person would never do anything like this and then say the things she said he said!

 

i know a few guys that were in the dumps and when they got on theyir own 2 feet, they didn't move on to bigger n better things (as you stated).

 

So what he didn't run her cards up, he still betrayed her other ways.....

 

I GUESS THEY ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF 'DEVIOUSNESS'?! i guess if someone stabs someone and they survive, i guess you would say, it could have been much more devious he could have used a gun. probably not the best example...but what i am trying to say, it is still wicked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Netguy]

He's probably not such a bad guy...some guys are lazy mooches and can't say no to someone paying their way...at some point he probably meant those things he said...but for a relationship to be healthy powers must be balanced or at least understood including fiances...EVERY GUY that is being fronted by his GF KNOWS that WHATEVER it is he is working on, once it works out he's moving on to bigger and better things...its the nature of this type of relationship...truth be known he owes you nothing...like Mills Lane says,"protect yourself at all times." Be glad he didn't run up your credit cards and take your id and do all sorts of other devious things...

 

SAY WHAT?! Are you kidding me? This is love, not war. You shouldnt have to "protect yourself" from someone you're in love with. Not every guy in this situation feels this way. I was in a very similar situation. We lived apart, but anything we did she had to pay for because I was working my way through school. I never had any intention of "moving on to bigger and better things" once I graduated. On the contrary, I was looking forward to treating her for a change. Unfortunately, I never got that opportunity(or Im still waiting for it). But, hell yes, he owes her. If nothing else, he owes her an explaination and a HUGE appology. What he did was wrong. Had he done anything with her credit cards or ID, then it's illegal!

[MeLe]

I should be asleep now. I should have him beside me. I should be dreaming that all the his lies are truth that he does love me. I hate being curled in the fetal position with eyes swollen shut from tears.

 

I even went out and bought all new pillows. Stupid I know, but his scent lingers on the old ones. I have all our pictures. I know he doesn't have any of ours. He said he didn't need to look at pictures of us because I would always be in his life.

 

I don't want to be bitter. I guess that is why we are all on this site. So I can read and learn and come out the other side some day a better person. I choose wrong,but it never felt wrong to me. Am I so self-unaware that I couldn't see the signs. Were there signs? Maybe? What happened? I am so lost.

[saltwatergirl]

Sleeping beside you?? Nooooo you dont want that disgusting human being anywhere NEAR you much less in your bed! Ack!

 

He is horrible, and the things he said to you were horrible!!! What a terrible situation you went through. There is nothing worse than completely be conned by someone who you truly were led to believe loved you! Well wait, yes there is: Having them back in your bed!!!!

 

Please know that this is the very best thing that could have ever happened to you. I hope some really nice, cute, prince of a guy shows up on your doorstep tomorrow and helps you come to realize what a total zero this guy was. Where is that guy from the coffee commercials when you need him!!

 

He even made up a story about roommates and his phone!! My gawd the twisted sick way he did you makes my hair stand up on end! I'm pis$ed!!

 

Dear Lord; please don't let her keep thinking of him in a flattering way. Please Lord, I won't ask for anything else tonight. I promise. Just please rearrange her thinking. Fast. Amen.

 

Salt

[MeLe]

I guess the good thing about this all it that I don't have to debate whether to do NC. Since I have no way of getting hold of him. I don't know where is lives, his number, nothing.

 

I wish I could muster up some rightous anger but right now I am just numb. Maybe the grrrl power thing comes later. Right now I just want quiet in my head. So many questions. No answers for me.

[saltwatergirl]

I'm so sorry.

 

Did you ever stop to think that maybe there is a reason that you have no way to contact him? Think about it. You don't know a number, city, address, anything.....and the way this whole thing went down, it was set up that way from the beginning so that now it would be a reality...ever wonder why? Could it be that someone was/is lookin out for you? That maybe this situation was set up like that from the beginning so that you would be protected.

 

Instead of viewing the inability to contact as a loss to be suffered, try viewing it as a blessing that someone, somewhere made sure would be in place for just this moment in time. when you would act irrationally and be back in that with him. I think someone saved you from yourself, and they did it a long time ago. A plan.

 

Maybe if you think of it that way, it will give you comfort instead of the lost feeling.

 

PS I am a Christian. I don't know your religious beliefs, so I tried to be neutral in my wording. Feel free to fill in the blanks.

 

Salt

[MeLe]

Hi again.

 

Thanks Salt.

 

I read your post and have been thinking on what you said. While I am not Christian I have a stong believe in GOD.

 

I can believe that there is someone watching out for me to help me heal, but what I can figure out is why this happened in the first place. I mean, why was he brought into my life? What life lesson could I possibly learn from being broken down like this.

 

He called last night BTW. I never answered and he didn't leave a message. It was late at night, so I can only assume it was a booty call. The number was blocked, but he is the only one I can think of who would have called at 1 in the morning. I feel like he just wants to keep hurting me, so either it means I meant nothing to him that he can so easily hurt another human being, or he sincerely believes that I am in the wrong and I am taking this too personally.

[HangingInThere]

i was listening to a sermon that was posted on this website - I listened to it last night and i am listening to it now and t made me feel 100% better. Please read a few of the things that i took away from the sermon.

 

-God can't send you the right, as long as the space is being taken up with the wrong!

 

-Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. (mentally or physically)

 

-it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over

 

-many times god will not give you divine knowledge on who you are suppose to be with, but divine knowledge on who you are NOT supposed to be with.

 

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning- psalm 30 (i actually read that last night and its funny i am hearing it this evening....what happens in the morning? light comes, then you get up!

 

I quoted a few that touched me!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

link removed

[HangingInThere]

i would suggest you answer his call! put a end to it! Do not ask for an explanation(nothing he can say can justify his behavior) or an apology. In time it is going to come and if it never comes, then know that you are okay!....please listen to the link i posted above!

[MeLe]

If he isn't the one for me then that equally means I am not the one for him. This is what I am having a hard time letting go. I am sure this is an ego thing. But maybe someone has played this out in there head too.

 

Yeah he is not the one for me. But I really thought I was the one for him. I was a really good girlfriend. I tried really hard. I really was there for him. So WHY did he reject me? What is wrong with me. What was so flawed in me that the thought of being with me disgusted him so much that he had to disappear on me. This means that if he is not the one for me then by the same logic there is someone better out there for him too. Someone who will treat him better, love him better, relate to him better. What more did I need to be to be acceptable to him.

 

I am shaken to the core of my soul. I never doubted myself. I always thought I was a good person. Now I'm not so sure. I always believed that if you did good in this life, that life did good to you.

[HangingInThere]

he is who he is - perhaps he is going to do the same thing to someone else!

 

this is not really about you, its about him and the type of person he is.

 

please do not let this make you into a jaded person...be a good girlfriend again for the next person that comes into life.

 

He just doesn;t know how to appreciate and recicprocate good behavior - look at this as a blessing and pray for him...really!!!!!!!!!!!

 

this is where babalnce comes into play - good and bad, up and down, in and out...it all balances out!

 

you are a good person and remember, no good deed goes unnoticed!

 

i am telling you that sermon i listened really did good for me, please listen to it - i posted it already....sorry for posting it again, but if not you, it probably is going to help someone else!

-God can't send you the right, as long as the space is being taken up with the wrong!

 

-Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. (mentally or physically)

 

-it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over

 

-many times god will not give you divine knowledge on who you are suppose to be with, but divine knowledge on who you are NOT supposed to be with.

 

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning- psalm 30 (i actually read that last night and its funny i am hearing it this evening....what happens in the morning? light comes, then you get up!