When is it a rebound

[no_bad_news]

I have been in NC now for close to 4 months. and been broken up with for 8.

 

The ex started dating the new person 3.5 months after he broke up with me. (after 18 months with me)

 

 

I have dated, rebounded myself, and tried to focus on myself. None of this works. Only for short periods of time.

 

 

I just want him back. I'd take all the problems back. (well, some of them.)

He seems happy without me.

 

I miss him.

 

I hate hearing about him.](*,)

 

 

My point is:

 

I have been in NC for a great amount of time. I still google him. But no emails, texts, phone calls. I have been fairly active. I have tried to stay busy.

 

What if I wrote him a letter, and told him how I feel, and that I still love him..at least he'd know.

[annie24]

no, don't send the letter. it won't do any good. he is with someone new, you should respect his new relationship.

 

who broke up with whom?

[Beyondthesea]

Agreed. There's no point. You two are done, just accept that and move on.

[no_bad_news]

Beyond the sea- good simple advice. I am looking for advice that is has more depth to it.

 

I believe I will write him a letter, but not send it for awhile. I am already hurting as it is. My point is, it can't hurt more than it does.

[annie24]

ok, well, the more complicated, in depth advice is as follows: you two broke up quite a while ago. and then he met someone new, 3.5 months later. that doesn't sound like a rebound to me. sounds like he waited a respectable amount of time to enter a new relationship.

 

there is really nothing tht you can say in a letter that will make him change his mind. *UNLESS* you broke up with him, and stomped all over his heart, and he has repeatedly asked for you back. Then, a letter can make a difference.

 

If he is the one who broke up with you, then it is probably over and done with. seeing as how he hasn't contacted you to see what you are up to, he has probably moved on.

 

you said your relationship had problems. what were they?

[ComputerGuy]

If you write it to get it out of your system thats fine. Do NOT send it. You will be undoing everything that you have done to this point getting on with life and will only drive yourself insane. Trust me from painful experience, you have GOT to let it go.

[no_bad_news]

I think writing a letter might be sending the wrong message ie. that I am weak and waiting for his return. I guess appearing strong and unphased is the way to go?

 

 

But the thing I didn't share is that we have a high liklihood of seeing each other every weekend. (we are on the same sports team)

 

Seeing him with his new girlfriend bothers me quite a bit. A part of me felt like telling him that.

 

I felt like the advice I received from a few of you was harsh. "Get over it. 3 months is an accpetable amount of time to start dating. " Seriously, if it were that easy do you think I would be on this website?

 

I feel that after ending a long term relationship and then jumping into another relationship 2-3 months after is a rebound in my book. You aren't going to find someone that fast that you truly LOVE. If he were casually dating I might feel differently. But he is already serious. And YA it hurts still!

 

Computer guy- thanks for the advice. It made me rethink my reasons for sending the letter.

[Beyondthesea]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so rejected. Truly though, I don't think it's a rebound. A rebound means you start dating someone to forget the other person IMO.

 

He just moved on faster than you I think, and why? No one knows. I'm sorry you are hurting so much.

 

"Get over it" is harsh advice, I'm sorry if I came accross that way. I have been in your shoes before, and can honestly say it wasn't that easy. However, what I should have said is more along these lines.

 

You see that he has moved on, and it hurts. But you should take that as a sign that it's time for you to work within yourself, resolve the unresolved feelings you have that things will work out, and spend time comforting yourself enough that you realize you can move on.

 

You did nothing wrong, the relationship just wasn't meant to work out. Spend time with yourself, trying to remember what you used to be like 'before your ex.' Spend time with friends and family, and remind yourself why you two broke up in the first place.

 

Don't 'squish down' your feelings about the situation any longer, it's time to express them. Write, journal, go to a counselor or support group, and talk to others about how you're feeling.

 

It will be alright, and you are not 'abnormal' for feeling this way.

[Caterina]

Believe me, you will get over him. If anything, wait a while to see if you aren't merely in alarmist mode because you feel now more then ever that you've lost him forever. Better and better will come along, just have the faith!