Help? me with my teenage son

[River99]

I am searching for advice/support/ or whatever because I do not know what to do or if I should quit worrying.

 

I have a son who is almost 16. He has always been an extremely sensitive child, hates being the butt of a joke, and very shy.

 

He just quit varsity football because according to him it is not fun (and he is/was a great player for the past five years!!). Literally, all his "friends" continue to play so he has also lost the social aspect of being on the team. He doesn't want them to know though that he doesn't want to play he wants to say he was sick and missed too many practices to play. All he does or wants to do is sit in his room and play his PS2 games or be with me running errands, etc. None of his friends call b/c obviously they don't think about him since they are all together at football and out of sight out of mind is obvious with boys this age. And my son is not about to pick up the phone to call them.

 

I just have to think something happened at practice but he demands nothing happened and the coaches have told me he was always out there doing a great job -- so I'm just left with him saying that he just doesn't enjoy playing anymore.

 

I just love him so much but yet I think it is so sad to see him sit at home by himself day after day and I don't want to lower his self esteem by asking him why he isn't out with his friends (since they never call him).

 

Any thoughts or words of wisdom? Is this normal -- will he grow out of it? As bad as it sounds I wish there was a definite problem that I could fix but this one just confuses me. I just don't want him to grow up with no social life and not be able to stand up for himself. The way it is now I see him at 30 still living at home unable to fend for himself.

[Haven]

One thing you could definitely do is to encourage him to try other hobbies. Maybe join the track team, or another sports team.. if he was on the football team, he must be pretty athletic. Joining another team would be a way to make new friends. He could also join a club or two; high schools have tons of those. Volunteering or joining service organizations is another way to meet new people.

[lil kitty]

i don't think there is anything wrong with your son. he is just growing and changing. i don't think u should worry about him too much. but if u still can't stop worrying about it then u can talk to him about it when you guys are out doing arrends. you could tell him that you are worry about him and u would like to know what is going on in his life and you would always be there to support and listen to him. just don't push him too much. eventually he will tell you. it just take time. oh by the way u don't have to worry about him not being able to have friends later in life b/c when he go to college things will change. he is just in a stage of changing and he need time to figure things out by himself.

[ToxiC SweateR]

Take it from another teenager. We all go through this phase. Most likely, something did happen at practice wether he wants to admit that or not. Someone might have gotten to him, and made him think that wasn't wanted or needed. I think the best thing to do in this situation would be what my mom did for me: give him a pep talk. I know what he'll do, he'll moan and groan and more than likely roll his eyes. Don't let this deter you! Juse because we act like we're not listening, doesn't mean we're not.

[Considerate Empath]

I can very much relate to this, more than you know. I'm very similar in many ways to your son, I am also shy, sensitive, hates being the butt of a joke and even like football.

 

It seems to me that basically, your son was teased and hurt by someone on the team or even a friend at practice, and just doesn't want to admit it to you (I wouldn't want to admit it to my mother either). The last thing you should do though (even if this is confirmed) is to complain to some guys parents or the team at a practice or something. This would just make the situation a lot worse for your son.

 

I think that right now your son just doesn't want to face reality, which is a phase, yes, but a hard one to get past or even want to get past. thereforeeee my advice to you is to help him face reality the best way you can - how I don't know because of the fact that I have no idea of what kind of relationship you have with your son, but I strongly believe that you'll find a way. He will probably object to whatever method you decide to try and help him with overcoming this phase, but when it's over I can almost guarantee you that he'll thank you.

 

I hope this helped you.

 

 

//C.E.

[Siriana]

hm,.... I guess that this is a puberty thing. Maybe some sort of short depresion...you know hormons are going wild. I now that this period of my life was pretty messed up. But I turned out just fine by the age of 25.

 

I guess you know your son the best - you can determine wheter he's passing trough some short of phase or something more serious that could have negative effect on his future.

If you brought him up good by this time I guess nothing wrong will happen, you just need to continue your good principles in rasing him and giving him some stucture and obligations eventough he probably hates that at this time. I think that most imortant thing is not to let him has his way all the time - you need to be boring and anoying sometines to him - you're a mother. Some privacy is needed but I think setting boundaries in a wise way that allows him to make his own choices combined also with requesting responsibility for his actions will do him good.

 

I think that it would be wise to make some sort of a deal with him about using computer and internet. He shouldn't be allowed to use it too much. I have many man friends who were hooked up on computers in their puberty and I must say that they lack some social skills and dating girls is a pretty much tough thing for them. I guess learning about social contacts is very important at his age...and it is scary too, so it is easier to avoid that by sitting around in his room al the time.

 

About that practice thing, I really don't know...maybe he is not interested in that anymore, maybe he wants to start going out, dating girls and he doesn't want to have some obligation that requires sacrifice. If he doesn't want that...I guess finding something else that will built some structure in his life would be wise.

 

good luck

[RandomAdvisor]

I also think you shouldn't worry about him too much. As long as he's only staying in and playing video games, I don't see anything wrong with that. However, if he starts to manifest other problems and appears depressed, grades start dropping in school, etc. then you should worry.

 

For now I would take him at face value saying that playing football is no longer fun for him. Many people enjoy playing sports like that in a competetive environment. Others don't. It could be that the stress of having to play competetively made the game stop being fun. Or perhaps football for him is just one of those things he enjoyed playing when he was younger, and has just outgrown.

 

If he's having fun playing his video games alone in his room, leave him be. I know it might appear a little depressing to someone who hasn't played games themselves, but believe me, a gamer can easily get sucked into a good game for hours on end completely alone and love every minute of it.

 

That being said, I wouldn't recommend he turns into a complete couch potato and never leaves the house. I'd second another poster's suggestion that you ask him about the possibility of perhaps joining another sports team or some other activity to get him out of the house a bit.

[RooferGirl23]

I Think he is being pefectly normal. At this age, teens are learning little by little what the real world is made of. and alot of things could be disappointing. some things they are not ready to deal with. parents shelter their children from dozens of things early on in life. Example... the family dog got hit by a car when the kids were at school. Mom knows just what happened to the dog, but she may tell her kids that , "Fido got out and ran away." thus making the event easier to deal with. as teens, they realise that alot about life is sugar-coated, and facing reality can be really scarry.

[Cometcrater]

He probably quit the team because maybe he's realized hat his friends arent exactly the same, and he doesnt want to be with them. Well Try suggesting band, or drama club, im sure he'll meet new friends like him.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I'm your son's age. He's probably just figuring himself out. Maybe he's realized that he's different from his friends in some way and wanted some time to deal with that. He might also be hitting that "ohmygod, I'm almost 18" phase like I am. I want some time off from life right now, because I see how close I am to being 18 and on my own.

[xpress]

Be glad your son wants to spend time with you and has not chosen a negative peer group to replace his sports or you and his family. Nurture him through this...whatever happened will pass with your help and support.

 

Though it may seem like he is squandering his opportunities by not playing football, try to remember how many kids who play in HS make it big in sports...the playing itself is an outlet and a healthy thing but there may be other things your son could truly enjoy that would last him for a lifetime. Use this time to help him discover what those things might be.

 

Perhaps the kids on his team were doing things he did not feel comfortable with. Athletes can be aggressive on and off the field and lots of kids who are heavily into sports get into stuff that is not healthy. Your son is listening to his instincts, most likely, and getting out of a situation he did not feel comfortable with. Love and support him through this. Make sure he chooses friends who are good for him, when he feels ready to start spending time with peers again. And keep talking. I wish you the best and hope you both end up growing closer through this experience.