The cycle after losing trust...Please, I'm really hurting...

[PoloPony22]

I've posted about this before (obsessed much?!) but I still need some answers.

 

Six months ago, I started hanging out with a guy from work. We watched movies, went shopping, etc. (but no kissing or anything beyond that!) My boyfriend went through my phone and found a text message I sent to him, half joking--it was a bad one "I'm naked in bed, do you miss me?" (I know, I know....)

 

I swore up and down for the past six months that he was just a work friend, and that we never even hung out together. Two weeks ago, he found out that we had been hanging out. Essentially, I was cheating on him, but cheating emotionally...

 

At first, he didn't want anything to do with me (understandably). then, the next two days, he sent me nasty messages "f-u" etc etc.

He also lost his temper when we went on vaca and broke a lot of my stuff.

 

Then, we were "back together" and he would ask me if I loved him and why, and if I wanted to be with him. I said yes I did, because I honestly do. i love him to death. You might ask why/how you can love someone who treats you like that, but I do.

 

The other day, he was treating me particularly badly, and I told him that it didn't seem like he wanted me around, and that maybe I shouldn't be around. He said Ok. OK!? He delved into how hurt he was, how he felt like I screwed with him emotionally, manipulated him, and how he felt betrayed. I understand all of these feelings, and he should feel this way. But maybe deal with it in a different manner.

 

I told him I was worried about him because of the way he deals with stuff. I told him he was verbally abusive at times, and it was not normal to lash out the way he does, to abuse alcohol, and to try to hit me. He freaked when I said that and told me he hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. I told him that I knew he was hurting, and I understood it, and i knew that he was trying to hurt me back. He told me if he were trying to do that, then he would tell me he loved me and then f*ck me like I f*cked him. He said he couldn't be with someone who lied about something for six months. Two days ago, I sent him a picture of us from this weekend, and he wrote back "Dont send pictures of you and me." He has broken up with me before about this same situation, but always calls later and wants to work it out...not this time.

 

Tonight, there's a benefit which is sponsored by my company and put on by one of my best friends. We all share mutual friends. He's going...and said that if I can't deal with that I shouldn't go. I'm afraid of going and seeing him there with other girls. Do you think he wants to go to a) rub it in my face w/other girls and ignore me or b) does he want to see me?

 

My question is about the cycle of emotions that follows after trust is broken. I feel like he is confused. Deep down he probably wants to be with me, and i think that he loves me, but would you treat someone you love the way he is treating me? He is going through the "angry" stage right now, but what comes after that?

 

I want this to work more than anything in the world. I love him to death, care for him deeply and am so sorry for my mistake. I know that i hurt him and that trust takes a lot of time and effort on both parties to regain. But should I kiss this one goodbye?

[InHiding]

I personally would let him go. I have had my trust broken and been through all those stages, and sometimes it just doesn't stop. He's angry and hurt and there's nothing you can do about that now. Even though you did things to try and work it out, it doesn't seem possible. Give him space. He very well might be trying to rub things in your face or hurt you emotionally. Who knows. But I think it would be best for you to remove yourself from the situation competely.