Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend?

[BillyJean714]

Okay then. If you want to be more fair-minded or "open-minded" about it, how about inviting his ex out and getting to know her? If the suggestion is that it's shame that your bf doesn't want to hang out and get to know the ex, then why don't you do the same? Wouldn't you find it odd?

 

If it's a group thing and getting dinner, then fine. I NEVER said it's wrong to be friends with an ex. But talking on the phone and occasionally going out to lunch or dinner? I think that's going way to far, in my opinion, especially if you're in a commited relationship. When people break up, it's called "break-up". I would only hang out with an ex if I wasn't currently in a relationship and I only saw him as a "brother" and I KNEW the feeling was platonic. Otherwise, I wouldn't hang out with an ex PERIOD! That's called stringing someone along.

 

People play games with each other even if they don't realize it. Usually, when ex's are friends, in all my past relationships and all of my friends, if an ex still wants to hang around, it's not platonic. Let's be Real here.

[Cecelius]

Speaking as a male I agree with your counsellor that letting your b/f dictate who you are friends with is bad.

 

However, I just wouldn't date someone who hangs out with a dude who used to be an overnight guest.

 

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I just fear for a b/f who gets talked into thinking this is just his jealousy at work, and has agreed to counselling at the 5 month mark...

 

This is your b/f's problem -- if he's a nancy about it (ie, it bothers him but he doesn't do something about it) then maybe he deserves some misery.

[sweet_bebcho]

My sister is having the same problem with he boyfriend and her ex. I'm friends with her ex as well and when he comes over for dinner or movie her boyfriend comes by and he wont even acknowledge that her ex is in the room. I think that its all down to insecurity. We've tried so many times to let her boyfriend feel comfortable about it but he just won't. Her boyfriend has gone as far as telling her that she should sever all contact with her ex. She refuses to , they are still friends. i think that they ( your boyfriend and my sis's) should just trust you both more. If he trust you fully then there will be no need to think that something is gonna happen everytime you are alone together with your exes.

 

My boyfriend is still friends with 2 of his exes and I trust him completely. It may sound stupid but when you have trust all the extra crap in your relationship don't seem to matter anymore.

[fishrrshortae]

Candy -

 

I agree with you that you should be able to choose your friends. However, do try to take into consideration the fact that your bf wants to be #1. This is completely unrelated to HOW you treat him... but he wants to be your confidante, partner, etc. So when this ex comes into the picture, he might simply think that he is not enough, or not providing something that the ex is. As long as you are honest and reassure him when necessary, there really isn't anything you can do.

 

I am fortunate enough to be friends with most of my exes, including the one I had a child with before we broke up. I am very close to a few of them, strictly as friends. I don't think you should stop being his friend, but make sure you are putting your bf first for all the important stuff.