I can't do this...

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

Here's just for those who isn't sure what's going on

 

 

Either way, this morning I found out, which I pretty much had waited at his house for him to come out of work to talk to him because he's been ignoring me for the past four, five days, that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And it hurts and it kills me. I don't want to go through this but at this point I have no choice. I don't believe that anything will happen again between us in the future, but I'd like to believe there might be. He didn't exactly say that, but he didn't quite deny it either. I've been crying since yesterday and I'm probably going to end up crying for the rest of the week.. probably for the rest of the month, maybe next few months. who knows, but I know I will be for a while.

 

I asked if it's possible that we might be able to start over again some time in the future, and he just said he doesn't know. I hope he meant he truly doesn't know, that we'll see, and he didn't just say that to shut me up. He said he didn't have any answers for me at the time. And I can't help but keep thinking about him and the times when we were happy together. Just imagining his happy face makes me cry.

 

I can't help but wonder if he's already with someone else. While I was with him this morning, someone kept calling and he was ignoring the phone call. I'm wondering if it was someone he wasn't in the mood to talk to or he didn't pick up because I was there. And then he received an instant message. I wasn't reading it and I didn't know who it was, but he hid it from me anyways. I've been doing something so stupid, trying to see if i can read his myspace messages, so i tried going through this process of trying to get his myspace p/w. I failed in doing so, but maybe its best that I didn't, desprite the fact if I did would be illegal(invasion of privacy) but I feel I have the right to know if he's with someone. I know not anymore, I guess, but I should have at least asked him when I had the chance.

 

It hurts so bad. I've been crying for two days straight. Yesterday I was crying because I had a real bad feeling he wasn't going to call me at all, and that's why I did what I did this morning. I even asked him if he was ever going to try to contact me and he said he didn't know. i mean maybe i should have known better than to meet someone off of myspace, and who knows if he's been emailing other people from myspace the whole time i was with him and he found someone else off there. If so, I hope he falls in love with her and she breaks his heart so bad. I don't know why he lied. Why he said he still loves me when he didn't. Why he said he still cares when he doesn't. I asked him why he didn't just let me know all this, that he didn't want to be with me anymore. And he said he didn't want to hurt me. And ignoring my phone calls would make me feel any better? He said no. I hope when he apologized, he really meant it. I hope he meant every word he said. And I hope he notices what a mistake he made.

 

I can't stop thinking about him. I just can't. I try and it's not working. I keep thinking about the beginning when things seemed perfect. He use to tickle me all the time and he said he does it because i look so happy. It use to get to the point where it was painful, but I loved it anyways. I miss his hugs, and kisses. I mostly miss being in his arms. I miss is sooo much. All I want is to be in his arms. I want to sleep to numb the pain, but it kills me everytime I wake up, knowing I'm probably not going to hear his voice or see him ever again. It's like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. He made me so happy. I use to wake up to his voice cause he would call me while he's on his way to work. And we made potential plans when it was still cold that we would go to the beach and all that stuff. It's not fair.

 

I know I'll get over it and move on but I don't want to. I want him. Either way, I don't want to go through this. It's too painful and it's going to take too long. In the back of my mind, I hope he would just call me or something. I subconsciously wait for a phone call or something, though I'm not quite tempted to call. I need to get my mind off of him, but it's hard, especially when I don't quite literally have a shoulder to cry on. And if any, I would like it to be his.

 

Should I try to contact him after some time? If so, how long should I wait?

[DN]

I edited your post into paragraphs so it is easier for people to read - that way you may get more responses. Please do that yourself next time.

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

thanks sorry for that

[Horizon44]

Hi,

 

I know what your going through, my relationship ended 4 months ago after 5 years being with someone i thought i would eventually marry.

 

The one thing ive learnt in those 4 months is that you should never as the dumped make contact with the dumper, i did and i gave her the power, even tho i know she was hurting too in some way, she had no reason to want to fix things or change her mind, when i was calling her.

 

I think you should at least not talk to him for a month AT LEAST im at the month stage now not talking to mine, more importantly after that month im not wanting as much to talk to her let alone get back with her.

 

Be strong the first 2 weeks of not talking to her were hell for me, dont suspect someone else etc, it will only eat u inside and u dont know for sure, just know that, that person will always be there to talk to if u ever do want to talk to him, poeple come and go in their lives and if you were meant to be with him then fate will deal you that hand.

 

Take up a hobby or join a club or something, distract yourself and make sure u get out a bit with your friends and at least look at other guys, it will make u start to think there may be someone else out there for you, even if u dont want to think about that at the moment it will help. it has me, if he has any love for you he will call you anyways, then its ON YOUR OWN TERMS and not his!

 

Good luck

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

thanks. it's going to be real difficult. i just wish it happened differently, like we both lost interest, as opposed to just all of a sudden things just stopped happening. I have so many questions but I can get any answers.

[Horizon44]

Sounds exactly the same as what happened to mine, problem is there isnt any answers, or at least none that i could get out of her, i know things were going average but i didnt think it was bad enough to call it quits.

 

The more i pestered her for answers the angrier she got, and the more distanced she became, u give them power by asking them why, bcos it appears they have the answer and thus the power.

 

Be strong, u must distract yourself!

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

im' trying.. i really am.. but i'm secretly hoping he would get back to me after he had enough time and space.

[joyce1412]

i know how you feel, even after all this pain and questioning, i would like to get back with my ex one day. after all, i did love him, and put my all into the relationship.

 

someone else on this board said it best about 'closure': that you never really get answers that satisfy you. i think most of the time the only answer you really need is "i just don't want to be with you." but that's hard to say, and hard to hear, so most people don't get that straight answer. instead, their exes tell them this in many roundabout, vague ways, or sometimes not at all.

 

in my case, i spent hours, over several days, after the breakup talking to my ex about why the hell he didn't want to be with me anymore. i was only asking because i thought we could talk about it and thereby improve the relationship, but no--we weren't working toward a resolution, we were working toward a BITTER END. now, some of your exes might be more generous than mine, but he ended up basically blaming everything on me. and sure, i had my flaws, but i hadn't changed--HE had. the relationship he used to be satisfied with was not satisfying to him anymore. maybe the same is true with your relationship, and if it is, THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO to make him come back. he just has to figure it out on his own.

 

give him his space. it is what he needs, and you might not believe it now, but it will do you a great deal of good. i know it has for me. reconnect with friends, do some reading, make yourself a better person. it feels so great to do, better than you can imagine.

[NORALYN]

I know how you feel right now coz I been thought the same situation like yours hoping that me and my ex will be back together. I feel like the more you hope the more you lose something in yourself. This called “RESPECT FOR YOURSELF”. Try to think of yourself not on him. Cry, cry, and cry if you want then after that you feel a little bit better. Last night I and my bf had a communication via text. He said to me he loves his GF now and he loves me now only as a FRIEND. It’s really painful so I decided to let him go totally and all my hopes are gone. GOD has a plan for each one of us. I realize maybe GOD really wanted to end my relationship with my ex coz He know this things will happen again and again. (my bf will cheat me again someday).

 

If your bf really loves you then he never hurt you. Try also to do the things you advice me coz I’m doing those helpful advice you suggested for me. I know it’s gonna be difficult and you will miss him if you won’t contact him. Don’t hope that he will contact you it will only hurt you and make you more disappointed. . Don’t lost hope but try not to contact him. Pray, pray, pray and pray. Trust GOD he will lead you to recovery… I’m hoping that GOD will help me to forget my ex.

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

i'm a little tired and mellow right now and in the semi-angry stage.

 

i just hope he gets hurt. whether he realized he made a mistake and is hurting now, or if the next girl he is with hurts him. i like to believe he's waiting for me to contact him because the first two times he broke up with me, i would call him, text him, IM him constantly, apologizing and what not. this time, i didn't even bother because I know he's not going to try to contact me. Even though I have that little bit of hope, I know he's not going to. Forget why he hurt me. I just want him to be hurt. I should take him off my buddylist but I saw that he was online but idle the whole entire time. like, why sign on if you're not going to use the computer? I'd like to think he signed on just to see if I would IM him. Or waiting for my to IM him since I haven't called or texted him.

 

But my friends and this site has helped me alot.

[amazing_wierdo]

You seem like a very loving and affectionate person. My story is one of disaster as well, and I'm still being strung along somewhat. At least he isn't stringing you along! It should make it a bit easier for you to heal.

 

What you said about realizing that you will recover from this but you don't want to hurts to see because it's EXACTLY how I felt a few days ago. Everyone tells me to keep busy but the first few days I couldn't do anything but cry. Monday I was a wreck and ended up at my ex's house crying on her shoulder. It was pretty horrible. I went to a coda meeting link removed and it really was a miracle cure. It hasn't quite been a 180 but now she is the one calling me. I chat for a few moments and then let her go. She's just calling because she misses me and wants to string me along, and I realize that. I'm not quite out of the palm of her hand yet but I hope to be there in time.

 

IMO you should take him off your buddy list. It's going to hurt seeing him on, tempt you to contact him, and slow down your healing.

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

the only reason i left him on my buddylist is not just to see if he's on, but i hope he might IM me. i mean i have it hidden away in my buddylist where i won't see him online initially, but i would have to open up the list he's in in order to see if he's online.

 

and from the way it ended, i really don't think he'll be coming back. before he "broke up" with me, he stopped talking to me for 4 days. and i was the one who went to his place to get him to talk to me. if i didn't, who knows if he would have ever contacted me at all. and before he stopped talking to me, it didn't seem like he wanted to make time for me anymore. he made up excuses and all and i ugess he got tired of me and just ignored my phone calls. he says i didn't seem to want to understand that he has things to do and he can't always make time for me, which i know wasn't true because he just didn't want to make time for me. he claims there was lack of communication, but i can't read minds. if he wanted his space and time, he should ahve let me know and ignoring my phone calls isn't the way to do it. maybe i was too clingy, but i got so use to talking to him everyday, and in the beginnign, we would pretty much see eaach other everyday and i got use to it.

 

and maybe about two weeks ago, the day after we first had this smalll argument about him not making time for me, i apologized because i did overreact. and i thought he was mad at me, so i asked him if he still loves me and he responded with "you must think i don't if you're asking." but he then did say he does and that he still cares, and then this happens. like, did he lie? or at the time he really did still love me and care for me? i still have these questions i want answers too and i can't get them and it sucks.

[NORALYN]

You know last night my ex did not try to contact me when I told him that it would be better if we don't have a comminucation. He said to me he love his gf now and he want us to be just a friends. If your ex really care for you and he still love you he will find ways just to know if your okey or he will apologize for leaving you...I cried coz I miss him so much but I tried to be strong....I know my ex cheated me....

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

but the thing is, i'd like to believe he WILL come back to me, but i really don't have much hope because of what he did. i mean, he broke my heart, told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and expected sex. what kind of person does that? like, he acted like everything was okay. i want to try to contact him to see if things can be fixed, but i think i want to give him time, and hope he's not with someone else. i know he was an * * * * * * *, but i can't help it. i still love him.

[NORALYN]

Before I pray to GOD that my ex comes back and a little bit of hope...But when he said he love his current Gf and he love me now but only as a friend then suddenly all my hopes are gone...So I said I have to let him go totally. It hurt but its the only way I can accept the truth..

 

How can you stay with a man that doesn't feel the same love you feel for him?...........How can you love the man if he doesn't find a way to apologize of the things he done to you? Ask him if his dating with other girls or he love someone else...When you knew the truth then set him free totally...

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

even if he is with someone, he wouldn't tell me. i mean, he could have been with someone the day i talked to him. people tell me he's an * * * * * * * for what he did, but i try to justify the things he did. i do.

[saltwatergirl]

even if he is with someone, he wouldn't tell me. i mean, he could have been with someone the day i talked to him. people tell me he's an * * * * * * * for what he did, but i try to justify the things he did. i do.

 

Well, stop doing that!

[brickchamp]

lost, like I replied to you in another thread, this sounds EXACTLY like what happened to me. And I think that's why we're both here, struggling for answers. My guy started texting me less and less, and not trying to make an effort to see me. He was "busy," but if you love someone you make time. And he was still saying he loved me, and wanting to see me up to three days before he ended it in a text. And he was just never going to face up to it, I feel sure. I don't like waht email and texting has done to relationships...it makes it to easy for someone to take the easy way out. I finally had to embarrass myself by practically looking like a stalker. I texted him so many times, and left a voicemail even, which I'd never done. I felt stupid, but hey, he said he LOVED me, so didn't I deserve to know what was going on? I have to face him for the first time soon, and I hope to behave in a way in which I can regain some of my dignity. But really, HE is the one who should be ashamed....that is never a way to treat someone. It's so cold and cruel. I'm sorry you're experiencing this pain too. I'm making a list of all the annoying things my ex did, his unattractive qualities, not to mention the crappy way he strung me along....just anything bad I can think of. I promise, making and reading this list every day is helping me to un-romaticisize him! Try it!

[NORALYN]

Were the same....We still love the person that betray and hurt us so much...Were on the process of letting go of that special person that really mean to us. I know how difficult it is but we have to try it...Nights are lonely every time we think of the person we truly love.....We want to hate them but our heart need them.....Really need them....Only GOD knows when is the right time we will forget our ex totallybut we have to help ourselves.....

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

i'm just taking it day by day. that's all i can do at this point.

[brickchamp]

Were the same....We still love the person that betray and hurt us so much...Were on the process of letting go of that special person that really mean to us. I know how difficult it is but we have to try it...Nights are lonely every time we think of the person we truly love.....We want to hate them but our heart need them.....Really need them....Only GOD knows when is the right time we will forget our ex totallybut we have to help ourselves.....

 

I have awful days, bad days, so-so days, and okay days. I never know what to expect. Sometimes I think I've finally made a breakthrough, then something will remind me of him, and I'm back to square one. But it's been a few weeks of NC, and my friends say they can see that I'm doing better. Everyday, you just have to plug away at it, and try to do the best you can, and hope the next day will be easier. But yes, even though our ex's hurt us, we can't help but secretly hope they'll come back, saying they were wrong, and they miss us and need us. But it's best to not hope for that. And even if mine DID come back, I'd be terrified to take him. I'd know this would happen again, and I don't ever want to go through this again. I'm thinking of all of you....I wish you all a less painful night tonight, and hope that your friends here at the forum are helping you like they are me.

[NORALYN]

Hope their can be a magic to end the pain we feel...We can't bare the pain and the times we miss the person we love...Were faithful but we love an unfaithful person....My heart is still hoping that he come back but I'm afraid he will dump me again. Same as you and l0stNc0nfuzzLed we don't want to go through this pain again and again….But the fact really show that we still love our ex….Hope that we will forget them….