What is good etiquette for friends with benefits?Why?

[blender]

Anyone who wants to "use your body" for sex as a benefit is NOT a friend. You are a precious woman, your body is sacred and YOU should treat it as such, this is not only about something "physical", it's YOU, your body, your feelings, your heart, your self respect, FWB is NEVER worth it. Next time you talk to him, say you couldn't even CONSIDER it, because you have too much respect for YOURSELF. Follow your thoughts through about this to the "aftermath", and how you will feel when someone "uses you" and then leaves afterwards... this is about how YOU will feel about YOURSELF. There is NOTHING to gain from this situation but heartache. You are not a car someone can take out for a test drive, just because they want to get somewhere and then walk home, yuk. How do you define friendship? How do you define yourself? You are worthy of developing a real loving relationship with a guy BEFORE you give your precious intamcy to him...anything less will leave you "feeling" less... Hang in there and it's normal to be "tempted to test this out, it seems exciting" right? but it's not worth it, stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

[Siriana]

Don't do that! FWb with this guy is only bad news. And it is obvious from your posts that you are not cool with that.

 

Just because you feel lonely, there is no need to enter FBW because it will make you feel even more alone. Trust me on that one - been there, done that.

 

So find something else to feel less alone. Fill you time by improving yourself - taking courses, going out with friends.... the part of beeing mature is also knowing how to be alone.

[Batya33]

I would never do FWB or have casual sex but in my opinion the woman is not being used - as long as she is consenting and has the capacity to consent, she is making the choice - she is not a victim. Or, if she is being used well then so is the man if you look at it that way. I think it does a disservice to empowering women to say that a woman who chooses to have casual sex is being used by the man - what happened to being able to choose and taking responsibility for that choice? And why is the man the bad guy for asking - no crime in asking.

[itsallgrand]

I would never do FWB or have casual sex but in my opinion the woman is not being used - as long as she is consenting and has the capacity to consent, she is making the choice - she is not a victim. Or, if she is being used well then so is the man if you look at it that way. I think it does a disservice to empowering women to say that a woman who chooses to have casual sex is being used by the man - what happened to being able to choose and taking responsibility for that choice? And why is the man the bad guy for asking - no crime in asking.

 

I agree very strongly.

[Imperceptible]

Friendship is very important to me and I value it a great deal. I referred to him as a friend in my post because I don't know what else to call it. We've been seeing each other as a couple and he said he think things would work out better if we are friends because of his job schedule. His question was unexpected since things seemed great between us. In the past I thought FWB was terrible. But my loneliness has gotten worse and I was looking for anything. Watching Sex in the City made FWB look exciting and harmless but the show is not real life. I cared enough about myself to question FWB and I came to Enotalone for help. Thanks everyone for reminding me that the pain of the aftermath would outweigh the pleasure of the benefit.

 

 

 

I'm happy he asked me. I've heard a few guy aquaintances say they assume that's the type of relationship some girls want. These guys lead these girls on and don't tell them its FWB. I knew a few of the girls and these girls thought they were in serious relationships.

[annie24]

I'm happy he asked me. I've heard a few guy aquaintances say they assume that's the type of relationship some girls want. These guys lead these girls on and don't tell them its FWB. I knew a few of the girls and these girls thought they were in serious relationships.

 

yeah, I agree with batya. he put out an idea, and it was yours to accept or reject. at least he was up front about it. that is good. some girls really do wind up thinking they are in a real relationship when really the guy was not as committed to a relationship as she was.

[Lyan08]

I got pregnant and then dumped in a FWB scenario. And guess what, turns out he really ISN'T a "friend".

[gracerules2008]

I almost went the route of FWB about 6 months after my ex that I had a 4 year relationship broke up with me. Good thing it didn't turn out that way. The Lord put up some roadblocks and now when I think about it the whole idea of a FWB arrangement is disgusting. A girl needs to take all of me or none of me.

[Cardinal]

I don't have feelings for him. But if I take him up on his offer I fear I will get feelings for him.

I want to do it because I want to be close to someone. It's not only about sex for me. A dog or cat can't give me the intimacy that I want from a humanbeing.

 

In my experience, it doesn't work well if you fear developing feelings with a fwb.

 

It works better if you realize that feelings will develop and you are perfectly okay with that. Good friendships do involve feelings anyhow.

[Shadows Light]

I had a FWB with a friend. He asked and I agreed. However, I don't think he fully bought into it. When I did start dating someone, my FWB didn't seem to keen on the idea. NOPE... true to his word, he never said a word. It's just that territorial vibe I got from him.

 

In retrospect would if I could do it all over again? No.. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to hurt him or allow himself to hurt himself again. I love my friend, he's an awesome person, we're still good friends. And the fact that we are still good friends... I'd say it ended ok.