Cool! I'm still registered! Long time, no post

[scott4321]

Hello again, eNot/marriage forum-ers... It's been a year later this summer since my last post, and I expected to have been dropped by now for inactivity. Not so. Makes a guy feel wanted not to have to re-register

 

Anyhow, my last involvement started as something pretty straightforward, but ended up triggering a four-page thread that lasted many weeks. What brings me back is, first, a return to the Net in general. A stolen laptop, followed by a crapped-out monitor on an ancient desktop backup, left me disconnected since last Fall. Neither my wife or I make much money, so all we could do was wait. Things have improved considerably in that regard however (though it took moving from the Midwest to a mountain state to make it happen--can you say "domestic energy boom?"), and I hope to stay on line for the duration this time.

 

I wish I knew how to insert a clickable link into this post that points to the other thread, because it's still in the archive... maybe somebody who knows that stuff can? If not, a search on author ought to work. I don't recall posting in any/many other forums than this one.

 

For those who'd rather not bother with four pages of stuff, here's the capsule version: My outwardly-shy-when-we-met wife told me after we married that she wanted to act out her exhibitionistic fantasies (they were well known to me), and asked my permission to do so. They were pretty extreme, but I said OK, and soon found myself actually involved, facilitating her displays. I came to eNot asking for a combination of assistance in thinking through what was happening, and moral support. The opinions ranged from she/we needed counseling; to the, "it's refreshing to see a man so open minded and unconditionally loving" sort... the split was about 50/50.

 

I did promise several posters that I'd follow up with occasional updates, but never did because of the aforementioned Netlessness.

 

The good news is that it has been long enough for significant changes to have occurred regarding Sara. There's plenty to tell. The bad news is that many who were following the thread won't know it's active again.

 

Anyway, it just occurred to me I'd better see if this actually posts before typing any more.

 

Scott

[DN]

 

Is this it?

[scott4321]

Yup, that's it, DN. Many thanks!

[annie24]

I remember your story! Did she start dressing more appropriately?

[OceanEyes]

Oh wow I remember this too - welcome back!

 

What's up?

[scott4321]

Well, crap... I answered both Annie and Ocean Eyes, but lost the post from some sort of time out. (I logged back in and tried some "back" keys, but never found it.)

 

Anybody know the time limit so I can set an alarm clock or something? (Does examining the formatted post restart the clock?) Or is there some user-controllable way to override it?

 

Thanks.

 

Scott

 

Annie and Ocean Eyes: I'll try again tomorrow. Gotta run this eveining.

[scott4321]

Ah. Sara's asleep, so here's my chance:

 

Annie24 -- Since all this started and she really got "going," there's been no change in how she dresses in public. Her exhibitionism is all about exciting herself, not others, so actually looking good in the fashion sense has little importance anymore. Showing as much skin as possible is really all she cares about when selecting clothes and creating outfits. And, (and here's a change from a year ago), I've come to accept it completely. There are as many stares and rude comments as ever, but I finally decided it's one of those "acknowledge and accept what you can't change" things that the happiness philosophers speak of.

 

Ocean Eyes -- What's up is there has been a shift in the tone of what she likes. In the same way she hinted her way into acting out her fantasies last year, she gradually let me know there was a Part 2 to all this. Which is that she now says loving to be naked in front of men is nasty and wrong, which means she is a slutty, nasty girl, and thereforeeee needs to be punished for it. Not by making her stop, of course, but by being told/made to do (and submit to) even more humiliating and embarrassing things than she what she was being punished for having done in the first place.

 

A absurd sort of Catch-22 logic, to be sure, but one that's common to women (and some men, though less frequently) whose sexual deveopment in adolesense was severely interfered with by repeated episodes of physical and emotional violence related to that sexual development. (I've been reading.)

 

And boy, was she ever. Abused, that is. But that's another thread. (Or at least another post.) For now, I'll just say that her entire family was in on much of it, and her father in particular was a beast.

 

So, those of you who thought last summer that Sara must be psychologically damaged in some way to enjoy displaying her body so much, were more right than I thought at the time. What's equally true, though, is that as "bent" as her needs might be, her ability to enjoy sex wasn't affected. How she achieves the enjoyment was merely re-directed.

 

All of which means, if you're reading between the lines, is that when she's aroused, she wants me to be very much In Charge, and outwardly disapproving to the point of verbal abuse and administering moderate physical pain. Specifically---ladies, please skip this part---by whipping her directly between her legs with a riding crop. One that SHE bought, brought home, and INSISTED that I use on her there. In fact, at first, she did it to herself, then handed me the whip and kept her hand on my wrist to show precisely how hard to do it. Then, the final step was restraint. Her favorite position by far is having her wrists cuffed together above her head, and ankles and knees held wide apart with soft ropes. (She supervised with the installation of large eye-bolts to our futon frame to have something to attach these to.)

 

How often does she want/need this? Now that the "secret's out" I'm amazed she waited as long as she did to tell me. Making a completed cycle of becoming turned on, stripping/exposing herself in some fashion, then having sex (I'm still limited to my mouth, hands, and some, um, large rubber objects to ravish her with) that's interspersed with punishment for being a "bad, dirty, and nasty girl," is satisfying for her in a way nothing else is.

 

The cycle sometimes takes most of an entire day.

 

Now, the $64,000 question... How do I manage to do such things to her, the love of my life? Well, it wasn't easy at first. Not at all. But she managed to incrementally convince me that if it's what she wants, it's as much an act of love as any other desired intimate contact.

 

So, call me liberated. Or something. It's a part of what we do now, pretty much every time, and overall, our sex life has never been better. Being "punished" somehow expunges the guilt she feels for liking sex so much, and lessens her self-esteem issues for a while.

 

Whew. Wasn't sure I could share all that. e-forums are certainly useful, especially when it comes to complicated and/or controversial sexual issues, aren't they?

 

That's it for now.

 

Scott

[DN]

Are you asking for advice on any of this?

[scott4321]

An addendum to last night's post, after re-reading it today:

 

I realize that Sara's and my relationship has taken a turn which completely removes it from the mainstream, and talking about it here might not be the right place. If I offended anyone, my apologies. I looked through all of eNot but couldn't find a specific area to discuss anomalous situations. (It was a moderator who moved my original thread to here, BTW) But, if there's a more suitable forum now, by all means move it again. Thanks.

 

Anyway, to those of you (probably quite a few, now) who are inclined to regard Sara and I as some sort of freaks, please keep in mind that it's as simple as everyone ever born having no choice but to play the cards they're dealt. And that's all she does, and all I'm doing. Remember, Sara is just a pale little wisp of a girl with needs that her body "can't cash," visually speaking, and to most men nothing is more important than how a woman looks. Meaning, if she was a bombshell, she'd just be another of the countless Web knockouts who show their stuff, or a Vegas showgirl with a "kink," and few would think less of her for it (in this day and age, anyway). Right? So, all that's different is how she doesn't let an imperfect body keep her from doing what she likes, wants, and needs. That's the scandal. Because not being perfect means her only options are the crudest, all-nude basement strip clubs, unsuspecting pizza delivery guys, ambushing people we invite to our apartment, and so forth.

 

It's so frustrating, because it's so harmless... errrrr! (vent mode on) All she wants is for many men to look at her instead of one, doing the things that women everywhere have done in private with their mates since the dawn of time. That's it.

 

I freely admit that my own physical situation has probably made me more tolerant and accepting of Sara's needs than would otherwise be the case, and maybe she has taken advantage of that over time. In fact, looking back, I'm sure it's true because except for times when there was clearly a serious legal issue at stake (such as showing herself to adolescent boys), I've never told her "no" to anything she wanted to try sexually. So I guess I'm a pushover... But I'm also quite certain that a "normal" guy who tried to control her would only be starting endless arguments, and she'd soon leave him and do what she wanted, anyway. Meaning, the world wouldn't be spared having to deal with her. (That last meant as sarcasm.)

 

Sorry if I sounded bitter there, but it IS sometimes frustrating. I honestly think that being so useless sexually myself (physically speaking), that I'm wired differently mentally than other men. ALL I see when Sara dances naked, opens her legs at strangers, and the hundred other "nasty" things she likes, is a breathtakingly beautiful young lady pursuing an orgasm. Period. And since I love her with all my heart, I'm helpless to do anything but help her achieve it.

 

Her latest admission, that the engine which drives her at the deepest levels is a craving for humiliation and punishment for looking and acting the way she does---neither of which she asked for or can help---is sad, I suppose, but there it is. The good news is that understanding is only an abstraction, and has nothing to do with the strength of the pleasure she receives from being treated that way.

 

A final, anticipatory comment to those who have decided "those two sickos deserve each other..." Men, thoroughly imagine for a minute having a downward/sideways curving penis that's only the size of last two inches your index finger when fully hard, and fifteen seconds is the longest you've ever delayed ejaculating. Most of the time it happens while simply becoming hard, in fact. Don't forget green-grape-sized testicles that rarely drop from your body. Would that change your sex life? Or, hey... what you were willing to deal with to even have a sex life?

 

And ladies, all you have to do to walk in Sara's shoes is imagine yourself waking up tomorrow with an adolescently snake-slender, hipless, buttless body; your (likely) little "innie" navel replaced with an irregularly lumpy, completely inside-out, used-ball-of-chewing-gum-textured bulge the size of a lime; your breasts just tiny, upturned, antenna-like points the shape of miniature bananas; and untannable skin so pale it isn't just white, it glows white. Throw in carrot orange hair, a mild overbite, a few crooked teeth (all healthy and beautifully white, though ), a slightly crossed left eye (when you get tired), and top it all off with an unbelievably strong sexual appetite, where the only thing that turns you on is having men see you naked. The more explicitly so, the better, in fact... Would that change your sex life???

 

I think so.

 

Sorry. I had to get a bit of frustration out... Well, that's what forums are for too, sometimes, right?

 

(The theraputic nature of writing to unknown, but not uncaring, strangers in this way is a wonderful thing for people who are trying to deal with unconventional situations. I'd didn't realize until returning the other day to eNot how much it helps.)

 

Whew. Off to the grocery store I go. (Day off, and lovin' it!)

 

All the best,

 

Scott

[scott4321]

Are you asking for advice on any of this?

 

No, not really, I guess... An attempt to bring Ocean Eyes and Annie24 up to date just took off. (Which is what I meant at the end of my last post about simply telling this stuff relieves some of the stress... It makes me feel like I might have problems, but, hey, like, I'm... Not Alone. )

 

Which isn't to say that anyone who might want to comment, suggest, or whatever, shouldn't. Not at all. There were some "You seem to really love your wife, and are dealing with some tough stuff well," types of responses last year that made me feel great. Anonymous approval is a powerful thing. The many cautionary comments kept me aware of the risks, too. Something you can easily lose focus on in the heat of sexual chemistry.

 

Again, all the best.

 

(And wonderful sex for everyone, forever!)

 

Scott

[nikkers04]

I have just now been following your story. And I'm lost for words. But one thing I can say is that I'm proud of you. I dont think I could or would have dealt with it. You are a strong man, and are sticking up for what you believe is right even though others may see it as wrong. I would have given up!

[scott4321]

I have just now been following your story. And I'm lost for words. But one thing I can say is that I'm proud of you. I dont think I could or would have dealt with it. You are a strong man, and are sticking up for what you believe is right even though others may see it as wrong. I would have given up!

 

Wow. Thanks so much for the kind words, nikkers. They're especially meaningful from a woman.

 

And for all the hours of thinking, worrying, and so forth that being with Sara has caused in the last year, it never occurred to me that I was "sticking up for" something. But that's exactly the situation, isn't it? Thanks for the insight...

 

As for suspecting that you'd have given up if in my situation, I doubt it. Because that situation also means unconditional acceptance and love directed at me, by her, as well. And a lovelier human being with a purer heart and greater zest for Life doesn't exist. It's hard to explain, but my letting her do what she enjoys without going all Male-possesive on her is something she realizes is uncommon, and treasures it accordingly. (She thanks me after every instance. It sounds corny, but she literally does. Just a whisper in my ear...)

 

Scott

[scott4321]

In re-reading last year's thread (the one linked to in the second post of this thread), to see if I missed anyone's thoughts when I "went off the air" unexpectedly, I just saw the last two responses on the last page, for the first time. They were added a month or so after I was gone, by a guy called WeLove2ShowHer.

 

They were, says the system, the only two posts he ever made on any of the eNot boards. ???

 

Not only would I like to contact him as invited, but now that I think about it, anyone else who is in a relationship like mine. On either side of it, husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend.

 

So, if you're still out there, WeLoveToShowHer, by all means send me a PM. Ditto for anyone else who's either currently or was once involved in something similiar--again on either side of it--or from anyone who might know of other sites where such a person could be found. As WLTSH said, there aren't many of us around. I've never even spoken/written to another, never mind met one. Comparing notes would certainly be interesting, and likely useful.

 

Thanks again,

 

Scott