i just cant go on..

[locolady]

Its been almost a year since my ex cheated on me....we split up and have very little contact now. I have tried so hars to move on - ive been travelling, made lots of new friends, i try to keep busy.....but i just cannot move on.

 

I think about him all the time, i cry practically every day, i miss him so much. If i contact him, he replies but is very careful to be just matey and never give me the wrong idea. He moved off and started uni and seems to be very happy without me. I feel so worthless that someone i love so dearly would treat me the way he did and then decide his life is better without me in it. I miss him.

 

I just dont know what else to do, im wasting the best time of my life (when already i gave him 4 good years that i can never have back) Im so miserable adn just feel like killing myself. I have such a good family i know i should be grateful, i just feel so desperate. All i want is for him to respect and like me. I feel so utterly worthless that he prefers to have nothng to do with me, am i really so awful?

 

I see photos of him with a female friend i despise because he once dumped me for her. they still meet up and go clubbing (the photos are on a clubbing website) it tears me apart that he would rather see her than me. I cannot move on from this, she is thinner, prettier and better than me, i feel so useless. He obviosuly chooses to invite her to visit rather than me. Please help, its been a year and i still feel pathetic....

[SwtMary]

As hard as it will be, you need to not have any contact with him. You will only be able to heal when he is not a part of your life. I know it sounds harsh but I think a lot of people here will give you that advice. I know when I was getting over my ex it was so much easier to "move forward" when I didnt talk to him or see him.

 

Good luck and I hope things get easier!

[DN]

Try this strategy:

 

allow yourself ten minutes to think about him and be sad every day at the same time. After the ten minutes are up repeat a mantra to yourself. Something like "I am better off without him and I have made a decision to move on with my life and be happy and content".

 

Keep saying that until you feel a little better. Then any time during the rest of the day you think about him make a conscious decision to stop and think about something else.

 

After one week reduce the ten minutes to eight.

 

After another week, reduce it to six and so on until you can move past him.

 

You have to discipline both your mind and your emotions - and this may help do that.

[locolady]

that sounds like a good idea and i will defiantely try it. Trouble is my life isnt better without him.....yes he made me jealous and insecure sometimes but mostly i was so happy with him. i just dont know why i am so rubbish that he would rather leave me. we hardly have any contact now anyway, he;s not interested in anything i do,

my life is not better now, im so lonely and i cant face the rest of my life on my own, love was the only thing i wanted in my life now thats gone, there isnt any point. its not worht it if noone loves you.

[RayKay]

I don't think contacting him is helping you, and I really think it hinders your progress. Everytime you contact him, and he is all "matey", it only makes you hurt all over again.

 

You did not "waste" 4 years. You learned, grew, experienced for 4 years. Time is not something you can take back, but it is something you can grow from! Don't spend anymore time on him though, he does not deserve it. He cheated on you first of all! Why be friends with someone that callous and selfish? Why would you even want HIS respect? Don't base YOUR worth on someone that hurt you that way!

 

Respect yourself, and kick this toxic 'relationship' to the curb. Trust me, you WILL heal faster, and much better once you remove him out of your life.

[RayKay]

its not worht it if noone loves you.

 

But there ARE people whom love you. Your friends, family. Love does not come from a romantic partner alone.

 

Most of all, you need to learn to love yourself.

[justme1]

You had some good times and bad times with this person. It's over. Move on. Cut out all contact. If he contacts you, just ignore him. You don't owe anybody anything. You survived just fine up to the point of meeting him and may have had good and bad relationships along the way. We are individuals. He chose to do something and his path was written. This cascaded to you and your path and your feelings. Things happen...people suck. Don't let outsiders influence you. Ask them not to bring up this person in conversation. You enjoyed the good times and you now forgive him for doing this to you inside your own head. Snap out of it and modify your thought pattern.

 

You can do it. Don't think.

 

You keep opening that wound and it's going to keep bleeding all over you and everything around you and keep you down. Don't let anyone keep you down. Yes, it happens. You are not alone. The lesson is sometimes things don't always turn out how you envision them...and sometimes it turns out bad. If he didn't cheat but instead just told you he was done with you and wanted to move on, you might feel the same way. NO CONTACT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. The person you knew doesn't exist any longer. He changed. In a little while, you are going to look back at this and laugh to yourself because you were too cloudy to move on faster. You need to forgive and let go in order to heal. If you need to tell him to stop contacting you then do it with your head high and do it with a forgiving tone. Don't tell him you forgive him though. Just tell him you are doing well, keep it short and sweet. Not curt. Don't give him any details or anything just say you are doing fine. If he calls do not answer. It's really simple.

Avoid - No contact- No matter what

Forgive him inside and accept change

Renew yourself- drink water-cut your hair-take a class on yoga or tai chi

 

you can't bring me down

 

Stop playing games with your feelings and this person that changed. You change. Stop running simulations in your head over and over and over.

...nobody can convince you of this...only you can.

 

LOOK there's 6.5 billion people on Earth...

 

You'll be fine.

 

You aren't rubbish...it's not about you. It's about him. People are individuals. Sometimes people suck. You don't hate them. You forgive them for hurting you and you accept reality/change, heal and move on.

=)

[lovebites]

I cant imagine what its like to have someone you love so much cheat on you...

 

I think everyone has given great advice... If you love someone so much it is so difficult to move on... No one is not loved, and there is a point to everyones life! Once youve tried these other things a little try taking the view that 'hey im single' ...you know theres always that really annoying expression "plenty more fish in the sea" you may feel like you had the best fish...but if you were meant to be then you would be!!! That means there's even BETTER fish out there waiting just for YOU...a fish that will treat you just right, and you wont just feel happy the majority of the time, youll feel happy all the time!

 

"No one is worth your tears, and the one who is wont make you cry!!"

 

It may not seem like it right now but there is another guy out there for you. NEVER ever think about giving up. You can beat this, dont let someone who cheated on you get the better of you!!

 

Really hope you get through this!

-lovebites

 

P.S. ...one guy who loves you very much and even if you dont believe in him, he believes in you...and thats Jesus!! Hes helped me through everything I've been through.