NC - it's not just about not contacting

[Daddy Bear]

i'll buy that, but i sill have one question. at this moment, i can think of imposing NC as an absolute necessity in two instances: when your safety is at stake, and when you can't let go of someone who's not coming back. what are some other cases in which it would not be better to remain friendly?

[Relationship Coach]

Carolineq,

 

But then BINGO! Cancer is parasitic.

 

If you ever met my ex-wife you might change your views on that! LOL!

 

RC

[Orlander]

Great post, Johnny. NC is the only way to go. It brings strength slowly, but it does.

 

 

Orlander

[JohnnyTable]

i'll buy that, but i sill have one question. at this moment, i can think of imposing NC as an absolute necessity in two instances: when your safety is at stake, and when you can't let go of someone who's not coming back. what are some other cases in which it would not be better to remain friendly?

 

You can remain friendly if they contact you. The point is that you don't contact them and you don't constantly dwell on them. You don't have to hate them. You just give them a very low priority on what you are willing to think about.

[Daddy Bear]

that seems reasonably reasonable. as the great Homer Simpson once said, "Your ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter."

[Holiday]

....but cancer isn't parasitic. Cancer = abnormal cell division. We all produce cells that are potentially cancerous but that are 'taken care of' by various means ('eaten' by macrophages etc.)

 

So, for me the comparison is valid. All relationships have aspects that could potentially become 'cancerous' but don't - because the individuals, together, are able to ensure that the healthy parts of the relationships are the ones that triumph over any 'abnormal cells'. But often this process breaks down.

 

Cancer basically equals 'good cells gone bad'...like I said, a valid comparison. A degree of 'cancer' exists in almost all relationships, just as it exists in all of our bodies - some are able to keep it at bay, many are not.

 

Parasite Biology. An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.

 

You make some very good points here! In this regard, I can appreciate the analogy. However, good cells don't go bad overnight and that's why I recommend a phase-out. I can aggree with all of the late posts by JT as he his position has become more reasonable to me.

 

I do think the cancer analogy is a nice one now when I think about how something good can go toxic and the organism as a whole can feed the intruder, in fact contributing to its growth. An example would be a situation of infidelity. NICE ANALOGY AFTERALL, RC!

 

I was just thinking of it in a very basic sense.

[Holiday]

SB, I'm really in tune with you on this matter!

 

Caroline

[Holiday]

Carolineq,

 

 

 

If you ever met my ex-wife you might change your views on that! LOL!

 

RC

 

Gosh, I don't get it! But I can appreciate the good, well-meaning humor! I'd have to know more I guess.

 

CQ

[Johnathan]

You should go no contact between your brain and your ex. This means:

 

-Don't think about what they are doing

 

 

What if the person works down the street from you and you have to drive right by their place of work everytime you go to and from your work? This is what I'm dealing with. She wants nothing to do with me now, she dumped me over a goddamn text message and I have to be at work knowing she's 300 yards away and I have to hope I don't see her while driving.

I'm on day 9 of NC and because of this BS, it looks like the healing process that NC brings is going to be slowed down.

[JohnnyTable]

What if the person works down the street from you and you have to drive right by their place of work everytime you go to and from your work? This is what I'm dealing with. She wants nothing to do with me now, she dumped me over a goddamn text message and I have to be at work knowing she's 300 yards away and I have to hope I don't see her while driving.

I'm on day 9 of NC and because of this BS, it looks like the healing process that NC brings is going to be slowed down.

 

Yeah, this is definitely something that is hard to change. If it was still severly bothering you in say a 3+ months, then I would say to move and or find a new job. In the meantime put effort into not to thinking about it (easier said that done!) and eventually you will stop.