Oh the confusion!!!

[VIRGOBLAZE]

Ok, here's some backround on me:

I have two girls with a guy named Jay. We broke up two and a half years ago. Last fall, I was dating this guy, Dan, but, as per usual, I screwed it up by being scared and clingy and he broke up with me. It was out of the blue (6 days earlier he had been talking about how much he loved and wanted to marry me someday). After that, Jay asked me to move into his house to help out with our daughters. We were living as roommates and all was fine well and good.

About two months ago, Jay started trying to win me back. He did a great job too, treating me well and making me feel appreciated (a much-lacked quality wen we were together before). The thing is that, lately, his caring and affection has majorly fallen off. I mean we haven't had sex in three weeks and my libido is definitely not the reason. I've tried treating him extra well, making myself look good, etc. When I asked him te other night what the problem is, he just said "I don't know, I just haven't been that turned on by you lately." THAT FRICKIN HURT!!!

So around last week I was driving down the road and all of a sudden Dan popped into my head. I have no idea why. Granted I never really got over him. Suddenly, his face is all I see around me and I can't stop thinking about him and all the things I left unsaid when we broke up. In an effort not to cry and seem strong, I said the * * * * *iest thing i could think of when we broke up: i called him a liar for ever telling me he loved me and a coward. The thing is I was the coward because I didn't fight for him at all.

Yesterday I wrote him a letter (yes, SuperDave, i know now it was wrong) telling him i was sorry about everything and thanking him for everything i learned from our relationship, which is true. i learned what not to do and i'm a lot better of a person now.

The thing is i wish i knew how he felt, but i figured if i sent him this letter and e-mailed him (moment of weakness, horrible, i know) he would find a way to respond. I can't call him. that would be so wrong. But why am i still not over him? it's been over eight months since we broke up and i still have unresolved feelings toward him. how can i get over it once and for all? if he won't even call me or email and say "no, i hate you" or SOMETHING, how can i ever think there isn't somehow, someway going to be a day when there's some glimmer of hope? i mean i don't even really want to get back with him, so much as get some closure about what happened. he never even told me why he was breaking up with me.

Also, i know the best thing is to be with Jay and work it out, but i don't know how to MAKE him feel attracted to me again, because i can't change how someone else feels about me. what do i do? HELP!!!

-Jillian

[chai714]

It seems as if you're overly seeking approval from Jay. Jay is not placing a high value on you right now - he's not appreciating you. Tactically speaking, you should withdraw your advances from him and become more aloof. Get out of the house more often, find more meaning in your own life rather than trying to please one person. Part of what attracts us to people is doubt and hope. I would think by Jays behavior that he knows he can have you anytime he wants. You'll need to change the way he feels about you (unappreciative) by adjusting your behavior. You can change the way someone feels about you. In your case, I suggest finding more meaningful activities outside of your relationship and becoming more aloof toward Jay.

 

Good luck.