I am THIS close to breaking NC.

[DCMann2]

So after I emailed my ex back after she contacted me saying it's torture not talking to me, etc. etc., she deleted me from her friends list on myspace. I don't know if she deleted me from AIM and MSN as well, but I am very, very tempted to break NC and speak with her, especially if she wants to so badly. Help me!

[Leigh]

PUT DOWN THE PHONE!!!! Don't do it...she's behaving very badly and trying to get her way by behaving as she is. If she really wants your attention, she should be dumping the guy she's seeing, no?

 

Do NOT let her control you like this... She's behaving like a child so react accordingly...give her an indefinite time-out.

 

BE STRONG!

[DCMann2]

I couldn't do it. Unfortunately, your response was too late, Leigh.

 

This is what I wrote:

 

You wrote this [the email she sent me] to me two days ago. It is now Tuesday, and you went from that, to completely trying to shut me out of your life. My question is: why? If you truly meant what you said, I think that you would've written back to me, saying that while it's hard for you to accept, you have to respect my decision for this time apart. I've tried to do the same for you, but no matter how hard I try, it always ends up backfiring, and I end up back where I was. That's one of the reasons why I needed this time apart so much. I need it to help myself with everything that's going on in my life. Jessica, if you're going to say something like that, then do what you did because of what I believe to be right, then you're just acting childish. I hate to say it, I really do, but that's what's happening. I'm going to ask you something now, and I want you to answer it. Did you mean what you said in your email to me? You only have to write back with one word. If you meant it, then I can respect your feelings, and I will apologize for acting the way I did, because I know that I came off as cold. If you didn't, then I can't respect your feelings, because they weren't really your feelings, and I will not contact you until I'm ready. If you truly meant what you said, then I think I can speak with you again. Again, you only need to respond with one word: yes or no.

 

I await your reply.

 

-Jarod

[Leigh]

And now the waiting game begins. I just replied to an email from the ex today as well and am feeling anxious too.

 

Best of luck - but I STILL think you need to cut her out so long as she's seeing someone else. You deserve to have someone who'll give her WHOLE heart to you. Settle for anything less and you're being really unfair to yourself.

 

Good luck

[DCMann2]

Do you think what I did was wrong? I mean, do I come off as mean, or childish, or any of those things that have turned me off from her? I think I'm handling this much better than she is, and if she replies, even if it's a no, I think it'll show great maturity on her part.

[Leigh]

I don't think you came accross as any of those things...but I DO think the two of you need to clearly define just what kind of relationship you have that you still feel the need to clarify where you stand with each other. I'm sorry, I know you want to think of her as fondly as possible - but I think she's already proven that she is unable to behave maturely here...unless she's getting her own way.

 

My advice would be to stop having any association with her until she's gotten rid of the other man. You'll only prolong your pain.

[DCMann2]

I don't think you came accross as any of those things...but I DO think the two of you need to clearly define just what kind of relationship you have that you still feel the need to clarify where you stand with each other. I'm sorry, I know you want to think of her as fondly as possible - but I think she's already proven that she is unable to behave maturely here...unless she's getting her own way.

 

My advice would be to stop having any association with her until she's gotten rid of the other man. You'll only prolong your pain.

I've decided that while I do want contact with her, I want it to be very limited, and we will be in contact on my terms. She's willing to accept that, and she admitted to me that she was being immature, and that being immature will not help the situation in any way.

[JohnnyTable]

Say you met somebody new. This person has a boyfriend and treats you this way. Would you be wasting time on her? Probably not. So stop wasting time on this girl as well.

 

There is no way that you will get an answer from her that will make you feel better. I can prove it! Try writing an email to yourself coming from her that would actually make you feel better. Pretty hard isn't it?

 

One thing to remember is that this girl is saying to you what she feels at the time. Her feelings could be changing every 10 minutes. She might have meant what she sent to you in email a few days ago and might think completely differently now. I'm sure you go through the same cycles.

[DCMann2]

Say you met somebody new. This person has a boyfriend and treats you this way. Would you be wasting time on her? Probably not. So stop wasting time on this girl as well.

 

There is no way that you will get an answer from her that will make you feel better. I can prove it! Try writing an email to yourself coming from her that would actually make you feel better. Pretty hard isn't it?

 

One thing to remember is that this girl is saying to you what she feels at the time. Her feelings could be changing every 10 minutes. She might have meant what she sent to you in email a few days ago and might think completely differently now. I'm sure you go through the same cycles.

It turns out the reason she did what she did is because reading all the bulletins on myspace that said how happy I was, how great things were going, etc., were upsetting her and making her miss me even more. She said that everything she was feeling in the email she wrote to me was true, but now I feel weak and stupid for breaking NC, just because I am so in love with her. Like I said, I'm going to keep limited contact with her. I asked her to be patient with me, and she agreed, which was really nice of her, but I'm going to remain quite distant from her, and I'm going to continue to kind of keep her in the dark so she continues to think about me and miss me. Yes, she's still with Alex, but I don't even care anymore. All I care about is her, and what makes her happy. I'll still be calling her early next month to see if she wants to go out with me, and if she does, I think I'll be well on my way to getting her back.

[jenny_mcs]

Yes, she's still with Alex, but I don't even care anymore. All I care about is her, and what makes her happy. I'll still be calling her early next month to see if she wants to go out with me, and if she does, I think I'll be well on my way to getting her back.

 

Sweetie, I know you are hurting, but please reconsider this. This is not an attitude that most women find attractive- at all.

[JohnnyTable]

All you care about is her? That is pathetic and women will sense this in a microsecond. I've been there.

 

You need to care about yourself 100%. Once you do this, then you can care about other people, but not at the expensive of yourself.

 

Please go over to link removed and read the information. Buy the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and read it cover to cover. It will change your life given the attitude that you currently have. I know as it changed mine and other peoples on this forum.

[majord23]

She wanted to get a reaction from you...and she got it.

 

Ex: 1 You: 0

 

She now has an idea how to get 'a rise' out of you when she wants/needs it. Learn from this mate.

[DCMann2]

She wanted to get a reaction from you...and she got it.

 

Ex: 1 You: 0

 

She now has an idea how to get 'a rise' out of you when she wants/needs it. Learn from this mate.

I have learned, which is why I'll keep limited contact, then eventually go back to no contact until I'm REALLY ready to talk to her. If she deletes me again, so be it.

[JohnnyTable]

Do NC now, not later.

[DCMann2]

Do NC now, not later.

I don't think it's necessary. Keep in mind that I want to get back together with her. She knows I want limited contact, and she's okay with that. When we speak, it'll be on my terms, and my terms only. She doesn't know THAT part yet, but she will soon enough.

[JohnnyTable]

When you are in LC, your brain gets into a limbo. You feel like you are "still with" a person in which you really aren't. They are moving forward and you are standing still. One thinks about a relationship that doesn't really exist.

 

You can only realize this after a good period of NC, IMHO.

[DCMann2]

When you are in LC, your brain gets into a limbo. You feel like you are "still with" a person in which you really aren't. They are moving forward and you are standing still. One thinks about a relationship that doesn't really exist.

 

You can only realize this after a good period of NC, IMHO.

I don't feel like I'm still with her. I've met someone else, and we'll be going out when she gets back from Europe. I know that for now, the relationship my ex and I had is over, and I've accepted it for the most part. Does that stop me from loving her? No, it doesn't. Does it stop me from wanting to get back with her? Of course not. The point here is that while I'll be in limited contact with her, I'll still be able to do the things I want to do, and she'll be able to see that and respect it. Only time will tell what will eventually happen between us.