New friendships after 30?

[alone2much]

At age 30-something I find myself in a bad predicament. Recently, my friends have been dropping like flies for one reason or another and I find that I have practically none left. I'm not a kid any more. I can't meet new people in school or anything like that. I'm also not in the "mommy and me" crowd that some my age are in. Is there any hope for a single 30-something who needs new friends? How does she even meet them?? (especially if she's rather shy and insecure)

 

Anyone else have to face this? How have you managed?

[Iceman26]

I know what you are going through. I had a pretty small, close knit group of friends, but within one year, they are all gone.

 

One of my good friends moved in with a woman who is the biggest freak on this earth, that no one could stand to be around. He started acting really weird and flaky towards me, so I cut that friend off.

 

The guy who was my best friend, who I saw almost every day for the past decade, basically dropped off the face of the earth last christmas. No explanation, wouldn't answer his phone, doesn't respond to email messages and even a wedding invitation. I get an email about once every 3 months saying "Hows it going man" and I respond, and he doesn't say anything else. Talk about weird!

 

Another good friend moved away, to seek his fortunes elsewhere.

 

Anyways, the only friend I really have left is an old friend from high school. I don't know if I care to make other friends. They haven't done me too much good.

[ElektraHere]

Alone2much ~

 

Do you happen to have any hobbies like knitting, hiking, sports, books? There are sooo many clubs nowadays. There is also volunteering at different events. IE fundraisers, beer fests, etc. The firends are out there you just have to open yourself up to them.

[Angel_a_monkey]

I could use some ideas on this too. It seems as though everyone of my friends is drifting apart or at very different places in their lives. I don't know how to get out there and meet people for just friendship. I can be shy when I first meet people.

For just friends I think it's even harder than finding a mate sometimes. Maybe do what ElektraHere suggests.

[JJRadical]

Alone2much ~

 

Do you happen to have any hobbies like knitting, hiking, sports, books? There are sooo many clubs nowadays. There is also volunteering at different events. IE fundraisers, beer fests, etc. The firends are out there you just have to open yourself up to them.

+1...expand your social circle...no easy way...being social is a muscle the more you work it the stronger it gets...

[TheRock]

Glad you asked the question because Yes, I am facing a similar predicament. I used to have several groups of friends. (college, work, neighborhood, etc), but it seems the older we get, priorities change and people change. I have watched some of my friends drift off for reasons I never understood. Some drifted and it didn't bother me because they became arrogant as they became more successful. And some get married and have kids, etc.

I don't really know why people let friendships fade.

I feel like I have tried to maintain some friendships, but to no effort. There never seemed to be reciprocating efforts on thier part. I then just stopped trying too.

I am a little bit of a loner, so I don't mind it too much.

However, I always remember that saying from that Christmas movie--It's a Wonderful Life.

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

[JJRadical]

The strongest man stands alone.-Ibsen

[ElektraHere]

I have been lucky mosr of my friends I have had since I was a child. I however love new friends and I have volunteered and gotten new friends that way too. Solitude is not fun. Its ok as an option but not as a constant.

[alone2much]

However, I always remember that saying from that Christmas movie--It's a Wonderful Life.

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

 

Funny you should quote that movie - I keep remembering that line too and with my current situation it depresses the heck out of me!

 

Thanks to everyone who responded - I appreciate it. Good to know I'm not alone in my circumstances. I have looked into the idea of joining clubs or volunteering in the past and ended up among a small group of much older people each time. I guess my tastes are beyond my years or something. I've been told I have an "old soul" and most of my friends have been older than me, but I think I should aim for friends closer to my own age now. I could try some other places in the future, but right now I can't commit myself to any organization since I'll be starting night school again in the fall. Oddly, I had thought I might be able to meet people in graduate school, but as someone warned me before I started, people going to graduate school part-time are not there to make friends - they come to class and then leave to go home to their lives. That is pretty much the case. And particularly for someone like me who needs some time to warm up to people enough to actually attempt a conversation, that environment is not conducive to friendships.

 

I wish I could be more of a "loner" and be okay without the friendships, but I'm certainly not there now and don't know if I ever will be. Hopefully after I graduate in a couple of years I'll be able to take the advice on "putting myself out there," so to speak. In the meantime, I guess I'll need to start working on my self-confidence so that I can get myself to do so! Boy, it's going to be a lonely couple of years ahead.....