please someone help me

[Acivic2001]

Hey Guys,

I really need some advice on what to do. It would be great to know how a female reacts. Anyways. I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months now. I recently moved about 400 miles away from her. Anyways one night she decided to go out and party with her ex and her sister and some other guy. She promised nothing would happen with her ex but I still felt really uncomfortable about it and kept asking her to go home. Anyways The next morning, she woke up and called me and told me that she had only kissed him. I said whatever but I still felt there was more to the story. Well this last weekend we did something we do once in a while. We took some E. I kept pestering her about what else happened that night and she broke down and started crying sayin she had sex with him. I was very heart broken and I didnt know what to do. It takes a lot to be sad on E. let me tell ya. Well anyways she also admitted that she had been seeing him but says she had only been kissing him and nothing more. I know she feels horrible but should I worry about this happening again? I can tell she is really upset with herself. She says it was hard for her to resist because when she see's him, her feelings come back. She promises she wont see him anymore. Should I give her a second chance or just move on. Please someone help

[yeawutever]

If you find it in you brain that she won't do this sort of thing again and see if she's remorseful about it, then it can work out. But has she told you the reasons why she cheated?

[avman]

Well first of all, quit doing E. That's not going to help you sort out your relationship issues if you are under the influence.

 

Second, I think it's fair to ask your girlfriend to stop seeing her ex at all if you are going to try to make your relationship work. If this is the first time there's been any dishonesty in your relationship, well you'll have to decide for yourself whether you want to give it another shot. It will really depend on whether she's willing to take the actions needed to show you that you can trust her.

[Acivic2001]

it was my first time being cheated on and it hurts. Whats a good way to get past this feeling or make it not hurt so bad.

[faith30]

It isnt hard to cry on e at all! true feelings come out while on e and people are definantly more empathetic on e. If she still has feelings for her and has been seeing him then why even be with her? was she on the rebound when she met you? i mean obviously she needs to sort her feeling out for this other guy or it isnt going to work between you two

[Acivic2001]

I think she was a little bit on the rebound. Its just like we went through soo much in our relationship . between her getting pregnant and losing the baby and some of the other things we have gone through. I feel we have a really deep bond. I just kinda feel an * * * becasue she was lying to me for the last two weeks about who she was with. How do you suppose I bring it up with her on what she should do with her. I obviously dont want her to see him anymore and she says she wont. what more can I ask from her? what would you guys do?

[avman]

Only time is going to heal this. And her actions from this point forward is what will tell you whether this is going to work or not. It's going to hurt, there really is no way around this. This is something you'll have to go through and heal from.

[Daddy Bear]

i agree with avman about the ecstasy. you both need to focus on how you feel about each other when you're sober because you can't stay high throughout your whole life, and you may end up spending time in jail over it.

 

the girl sounds deeply conflicted, and i feel sorry for both of you. not an easy time at all. i look at it like this: her indecision may or may not be completely behind her. if you are willing to take the risk of further pain, then fight on. if you find yourself at the point where you can't take any more, then protect your well-being and bow out.

 

here's hoping for your sake that she's totally over the other guy.

[heloladies21]

I don't see how you can ever restore the trust once being cheated on. It's too much of a breach, and nothing she's done shows me that she's truly remorseful about what she did.

 

You had to drag this info out of her, it wasn't her own conscience that made her fess up. And if you didn't ask her to, she'd probably still talk to the guy (and she'll probably keep seeing him anyway).

 

My feeling is this is done and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can begin moving on and finding someone who really cares about you.

[Acivic2001]

Hey just wanted to let you guys know that I called the guy who she was cheating on me with and admitted it happened more than what she says. I told her to leave and to never call me again. Good choice? best way about this is to do the N/c?

[yeawutever]

So if you actually had to force her to admit it, only to then further lie about how many times it happen, then it's not worth trying to work it out. You did make a good choice and remember to not look back. Now, nothing she can say would be believed, you'll always have the doubts.

[Daddy Bear]

i believe that your actions were justified. if it were me, i'd say they could have each other and i'd write her off completely.

[yeawutever]

i believe that your actions were justified. if it were me, i'd say they could have each other and i'd write her off completely.

 

Indeed I agree, imagine if he were to still get what with her. Can he ever look straight into her eye and say "I believe you"? after all the lies. Not only did she cheated, but she lie about cheating. She change the story twice first saying it was just a kiss, until he had to pressure her to tell they actually had sex, then she says it was only once, only to find out by the guy it was more than once.