Lonely...

[dolphin_girl]

For some reason I have felt so incredibly lonely today... It could have been because I went out with a group of people yesterday and they were all happily married or dating... or it could be because I'm realizing how long it has been since I've actually seen him due to his out of state job...

 

I'm trying really really hard to not want to be anymore than friends... but we talked on the phone today for a really long time... I had been doing relatively decent, but the longer we talked, the more I missed him...

 

When does it become easier?

[JJRadical]

When you stop talking to him and decide to move on...lonliness can break anyone down...thats why there is solitary confinement in prison...start thinking of ways to expand your social circle...and i bet if i put your statement under a microscope " they were all happily married or dating" i could prove this statement untrue...just focus on improving your situation and stop comparing yourself to an ideal distorted version of others...

[nicorette]

i agree with jjradical. things do get better! are you keeping busy and going out with friends? as hard as it is, try not to think about it. i promise itll go away eventually.

[darklich14]

I've spent the whole summer so far maintaining minimal social contact since I'm about to graduate and move to a completely new place where I've no guarantee of any social activity (although, I do KNOW there'll be opportunities). And it's been rough... But I'm getting more used to it. I can spend whole days by myself, just keeping busy, improving myself, and not worry about the lonliness. Becuase lonliness is not an affliction brought on by the lack of other people... It's brought on by the lack of one's self. Keep your chin up and keep busy!

[Lion-Guy]

I've spent the whole summer so far maintaining minimal social contact since I'm about to graduate and move to a completely new place where I've no guarantee of any social activity (although, I do KNOW there'll be opportunities). And it's been rough... But I'm getting more used to it. I can spend whole days by myself, just keeping busy, improving myself, and not worry about the lonliness. Becuase lonliness is not an affliction brought on by the lack of other people... It's brought on by the lack of one's self. Keep your chin up and keep busy!

 

 

So true dolphin_girl. Don't fret over the feeling of loneliness. Have faith in the fact that nothing stays the same. The feeling will pass I promise you that. If you can't stand the loneliness, visit a bookstore, a mall, anywhere people are around you so that you are not home alone by yourself. Be open-minded and look to meet new friends, and people to talk to wherever you are. I learned one important thing after my break-up. Not to be afraid to talk to strangers, people on the street, store clerks, etc. You would be amazed at how friendly and open the majority of people are. After time you will find comfort in yourself and be ready to begin another relationship. Remember don't worry about finding the right person. If you become the right person, they will come to you.

 

 

I'm trying really really hard to not want to be anymore than friends... but we talked on the phone today for a really long time... I had been doing relatively decent, but the longer we talked, the more I missed him...

 

When does it become easier?

 

These feelings for him will go away a lot faster if you establish not contact. The longer you continue to talk to him, the longer it will take to get over it. You are only feeding your hope with this contact. If he changes his mind and wants more he will know where to find you.

[dolphin_girl]

I understand that no contact is usually the best way to go. However, me and this guy were pretty much best friends before we starting dating. We've shared a very deep bond before and during our relationship and have maintained it even after the break-up. It's not like we fought a lot or had a violent or distructive break up, he just decided he would be happier as friends. I know I'm probably being distructive to myself, however, I really don't want to drop all communication with someone that I'm so close to. We have helped and continue to help each other out through some of our most difficult decisions during both our friendship and while dating. Our friendship is not something that I'm willing to throw away as long as we both want to work on it.

 

I had just hoped that by now I would atleast be close to beginning to get over him, and while it has gotten easier, it's still incredibly difficult. Now I'm just at a total loss...

[CanadaGirl]

Hi-

 

I understand what you are feeling totally. My ex and I still loved each other very much when I left, and it was soooo hard not to keep in constant contact. We saw and talked to each other very frequently, and every time I left or he drove away I went home and cried my eyes out. That's the problem with keeping in contact with someone that you still care about. It keeps the pain alive, and closes you off from other possibilities. Good ones.

 

If you loved this guy as much as I loved my husband, then I think occasional relapses of lonely/wistful feelings are inevitable. I posted for the first time tonight because I needed help getting my feelings off my chest... a full year and a half after my divorce. However, after I stopped talking to him all the time, I was able to heal way more, and now I have a new guy who treats me great and makes me excited about my life again.

 

Keep your chin up... it keeps you looking ahead instead of over your shoulder.