Why do I feel upset rigth now over my ex???

[beckmentf]

Well if anyone has read my posts then you know my story. My Ex broke up with me, I kissed one of his friends after we broke up in a vulerable moment and he found out and now we are not even friends anymore.

 

He was very emotionally abusive towards me so him finding out i think was a blessing, because otherwise i would have kept going back to be tortured by him. But today i wake up and feel sad that I don't talk to him anymore?? What is that all about??

 

How can i miss someone who treated me so bad and I gave 100% to him and he cheated on me and abused me???

 

I hate this feeling, will it ever go away??? I hate these times when i think of all the nasty things he said and i start to believe them??

[faeriechyld]

I know exactly how you feel. This probably won't make you feel any better, but I have been where you are and I am still dealing with it, two years later. Somedays are better than others, but you will eventually be ok. Abusive relationships are the hardest for women to leave because the abuse causes us to loss our self confidence and esteem. When that happens we become "addicted" because we believe that what our significant other says about us is true. We start to feel we deserve to be treated this way, and the few times we get positive attention from our partner, we feed on it and suck it up for all it's worth. And that is what we live for. I, personally, started to only want to make my ex happy, all I wanted was for him to be happy and in doing that I lost sight of my own happiness.

My suggestion to you is to find more positive things to bring to your life. I'm sure before this relationship, you probably had a lot of things you were interested in that you might have given up on because of your ex. Try to regain those interests. As much as this hurts, it will be a learning experience in more ways than just knowing the signs of an abusive relationship. You will also learn who your true friends really are. Many of my so-called "friends" continuously told me to leave my ex and when I did it was almost as if they stopped caring. They didn't seem to realize that this relationship was detrimental to my self esteem. Your true friends will stick by you and let you cry even if it's months or more after you broke up.

I also suggest you try to see the positive of not talking to your ex. If your relationship was as bad as you say, why would you want to continue it? I know it's hard (it's that addiction I mentioned earlier), but seeing him is only going to prolong your pain and your desire to see him. Absense makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also help the heart to forget. This is exactly what you need from him until you can heal yourself and rebuild your self esteem. Seeing him will only slow down that process.

I wish you luck in this time and I offer any help I can. What you need right now is support, someone to just listen to you. If you need anything, feel free to PM me. Take care.

[winkie]

Of course you are going to miss him. You did care about him and at one point he was an important part of your life. It is only human to be sad after a break up. The only thing is do not let this sadness run your life and try to talk to him again and make up. I am not going to lie the sadness can last but remember what he did to you and there were more bad times then good times. There is someone out there for you it is just the point of finding him.

[crookster_man]

I agree with everyone here. You ask why you hurt? You answered your own question. You said "I gave him %100". When you are that involved in something you miss it after is gone, regardless of its influence on you. Simply because it was so important in your life it has this effect on you. This is completely natural, and understandable. So feel upset, grieve the loss, heal and become a better person.

[sabena]

I felt like you last night and today, and I have come to the conclusion that it's ok to feel hurt and too feel that you miss him. He was a big part of your life and a friend and now all of a sudden that has done.

 

I think the best thing that has happened is the kiss and the arguing that he did afterwards because now you can move on. For others it's a little more difficult and especially for those were there were really no problems but just feel out of love.

 

I fully recommend joining clubs and have said this to lots of people, I have done it myself this week and although I almost pee'd my pants I am glad that I did it.

 

But what you are feeling is natural, and you will probably find that you will have high days and low days, days when you are angry, or happy or sad or miss him. There will be days when you go to places you went together and you will feel hurt...but these will pass and become easier and then one day you will be with someone and the pain will be gone for good.