He's out of my league yet he keeps persisting

[bangyerdead]

I think I'm in a strange situation. Met the guy through a friend of mine--honestly, I have to say that from the get-go, his presense intimidated me. It's always like that, when I come accross people who are a bit higher up on the social ladder. I guess it's the way I've been brought up. Status (wealth, occupation, material possessions, etc) has always been a major issue for me, because I'm accustomed to thinking that these are things that determine someone's value/worth. You can probably imagine the hell my family raised when I came out. It was nothing short of apocalyptic.

 

Anyway, as soon as I met "him", I had the following thoughts running through my mind:

 

He is absolutely gorgeous, like a model. I'm average, at best.

 

His occupation is lightyears above mine. I have a lousy admin job.

 

He's perfectly aware of all this, yet he keeps talking to me. Why? Where are his standards?

 

And then when he started flirting with me, I began to feel so oddly suspicious. Like I was the butt (no pun intended) of some joke. He asked for my number, and I was extremely reluctant to give it to him, but eventually, I did.

 

Days later, to my dismay, he actually called me. I got persuaded into a "date".

 

He seems nice enough. But all I want to do is avoid him. The cynical part of me suspects that I'm merely one of hundreds of numbers in his little black book. And even if I'm not, I'd rather not get involved with someone who will probably cause me unnecessary grief in the end. It's common knowledge that people who are unequal in terms of attractiveness don't often last. And I feel like the only reason he's "interested" is because I sort of give off that "hard to get" vibe.

 

Am I being too judgemental? Too insecure? (Though I don't /feel/ insecure...I'm just looking at things from a brutally honest point of view.)

 

Am I just being stupid?

[Big Daddy]

A little. I do not totally disagree but unless you know of him having a bad track record, I would give him a chance. Do not sink yourself emotionally into the relationship at first. Feel it out. Take your time. If he is a bum, he will show his colors shortly. It usually does not take long.

[Mr Mister1]

Maybe he likes you for who you are and isn't bothered about your social wealth etc.

Maybe he finds you attractive, just because you might not think you're attractive doesn't mean others don't.

 

Why would he persist with you as a joke? How old are you? I'm asking because that's the sort of thing I'd only really expect from people in High school, to act interested in someone as some weird kind of prank.

 

If you're not interested in him then that's fine but otherwise maybe you should give him a chance, other than your paranoia has he done anything to make you think that he isn't a nice guy who is genuinely interested in you?

[tmp0620]

This should be posted in one of the "dating" forums.

[UT]

I'd like to give a reply but first I need to know. if it's possible, would you like to be with him? if he really likes you, would you give it a try?

 

IronLion. this topic is in a grey zone. it involves both dating and homosexuality and it's understandable that he'd post it here since this is the right place to ask considering his sexual preferance.

[Cadence308]

I think if you are attracted to him then you should give it a try unless he makes you that uncomfortable. If you are always worried about how your partner is better than you, then it's not a good relationship.

[lil_kaila]

IronLion. this topic is in a grey zone. it involves both dating and homosexuality and it's understandable that he'd post it here since this is the right place to ask considering his sexual preferance.

 

Also because in same sex relationships it's even easier to compare yourself to the other person. If there's one guy and one girl it's different. thereforeeee especially gay people might recognise this situation.

 

I agree with what some of the others have said: Maybe he just likes you for you and is so confident with himself that he doesn't care to date someone with a lousier job!

[Tigris]

Give him a chance.

[bangyerdead]

I think if you are attracted to him then you should give it a try unless he makes you that uncomfortable. If you are always worried about how your partner is better than you, then it's not a good relationship.

Yeah, exactly my thoughts. Feelings of inadequacy don't make for good relationships. Friendships, even. But eh, I should get over myself. The situation could always be worse.

[bangyerdead]

I'd like to give a reply but first I need to know. if it's possible, would you like to be with him? if he really likes you, would you give it a try?

 

 

I would.

 

The thing is, I'm paranoid. What I didn't mention in my original post is that I've been cheated on several times, (I've been in two relationships thus far--both ended on quite a sour note) which is something /most/ people have to deal with...so I understand that. But honestly, I don't think I deserved that.

 

Anyway, I digress. I hardly know the guy, and it seems stupid to have all these suspicions and feelings of paranoia.

[bangyerdead]

 

Why would he persist with you as a joke? How old are you? I'm asking because that's the sort of thing I'd only really expect from people in High school, to act interested in someone as some weird kind of prank.

 

If you're not interested in him then that's fine but otherwise maybe you should give him a chance, other than your paranoia has he done anything to make you think that he isn't a nice guy who is genuinely interested in you?

 

I recently turned 22.

 

And yeah, it's highschool-ish...the whole interested-in-someone-as-a-prank thing. It's my paranoia acting up again. And no, he hasn't done anything (..yet) that has proved my paranoia to be justified.

 

So yeah, I'm giving him a chance. I'm supposed to meet up with him in a few days...

[UT]

Okay, you're paranoia isn't really paranoia, but fear of being hurt and I think it's great that you're giving him a chance. Preferance is different for everyone although there are some preferances that are more common than other like thin people and well trained one's but I have a friend who prefers his guys to be hairy and not too well trained. he wants them to be soft and cuddly, He loves Tom Hanks.

 

I'm not very good looking but somehow the most beautiful man in the world fell in love with me. At first I was really afraid of that might happen but as time wemnt on I grew more confident and now I can even say "he loves me" without feeling a need to ask if he rreally does (which every time I've asked been Yes). We have not been together for 4 almost 5 months (but feen in love with him since like the 2 converstation). My point being that even if you don't look like some moviestar you can still be attractive to someone who might look better than you.

 

You don't have to be perfect to be exactly the man he needs. and a quote "you don't love someone because he/she's beautiful, he/she is beautiful because you love him/her." it's not an exact quote but I did my best.

[Tigris]

I hope you have a great time together. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

[kadvati79]

As the SAS boys and girls say.... "Who Dares Wins".

 

Most people cannot understand the guys I go for. I have a pretty good body, good looks, funny, outgoing, lots of money etc.... But I got for the shy, slim, quiet, unassuming guys. It drives me wild actually. My last ex wasn't impressed by much about me, just seemed to like me for me, and it was an incredibly turn on cause it challenged my ego.

 

I know antkojm1 is in the same boat. Attractiveness is a weird thing.

[bangyerdead]

Since I got some nice responses, I thought I might keep you guys updated as this...thing...progresses.

 

I did get a chance to meet up with him again. One very interesting aspect about it was that there was absolutely no tension whatsoever--it all just seemed so natural. (But maybe I'm too obsessive when it comes to conversation. I can't do the small talk thing, so I'm very anal about what constitutes a 'good' conversation.)

 

As I'm talking to him, (In these posts, I'll refer to him as "John".) in the back of my mind, of course, I'm still marveling at how ****ing beautiful he is. He takes "tall, dark and handsome" to the EXTREME.

 

Ever meet that one person who could never stop laughing? Yeah, that's John. I could say the stupidest, lamest thing, and he'll laugh at it. Interesting little quirk, I guess. (I can't imagine what he'd do if I /really/ tried to be funny.) But he could just be mocking me, or something. Whatever.

 

What I'm hoping for is that we can be friends, and then slowly ease into more romantically-inclined endeavours. I honestly don't know what his intentions are, as the subject never even came up. I live in New York (recently moved to the city) and I have to say that I know NOTHING about the gay scene here. But I do know that I'm not interested in the whole "casual sex with nearly perfect strangers" thing. When I'm around other gay guys I feel so out of place, like I don't belong. (Not that I ever fit in anywhere, though.)

 

I guess I'm just old-fashioned...don't know how else to describe it. I'm just not "with it", you know?

[bangyerdead]

My point being that even if you don't look like some moviestar you can still be attractive to someone who might look better than you.

 

 

I know. You're right.

 

And as an interesting sidenote, my paranoia/insecurity doesn't show much on the outside, (in that people don't see these things in me right away) yet these are the things that seem to be holding me back.

 

I have to stop comparing myself to other people.

[bangyerdead]

 

Most people cannot understand the guys I go for. I have a pretty good body, good looks, funny, outgoing, lots of money etc.... But I got for the shy, slim, quiet, unassuming guys. It drives me wild actually. My last ex wasn't impressed by much about me, just seemed to like me for me, and it was an incredibly turn on cause it challenged my ego.

 

Yeah, I completely understand all that. And it makes sense, too. Let's hope my new "friend" has similar sensibilities to yours..

[jakboi]

Give it a go, what you said about if there is one better looking person in a relationship then it wont work out. my friend is absolutly stunning(model quality) tall blonde, legs to die for and a personality. she has been seeing our friend for about 6years who has an equal personality but he is definitely no stunner... they are engaged to be married next year...

 

so who knows!

 

take a chance!!