She needs time to be single.....

[RiverRojo]

First of all, thank you for reading this.

 

My girlfriend (or ex) met each other 3 and a half years ago when we were sophomores in college. Everything was perfect. Slowly, we started to pick at each other and start stupid, meaningless fights. I took her on vacation almost 2 weeks ago to washington dc and virginia beach. We had our share of arguments, but everything was good besides those 30 minutes a day.

 

To give some additional background:

I am 22 and she is 21. She has had boyfriends since she was 15, and she is my first ever. She has a group of friends that have found their mates and are getting married within the next 2 years. We decided we wouldn't get married until we both worked full time for 2 years (3 years from now).

 

After our vacation, she calls me and tells me that she needs time to be single. She said that she isn't interested in any other guys-she just needs time to find herself. I want to be her friend and support her. I called her last night and she said she needs time without contact with me in able to miss me. Since I have been emailing her and calling her, she hasn't had the opportunity to miss me and realize that I am the one.

 

I never stopped her from going out with her friends and doing "girls night out". She did everything she wanted when she was with me. Thats why I'm confused about her being single.

 

She admits that she feels bad and knows how much she is hurting me. I just want to know how long I should stand by her side. I want to be there and all, but she doesn't want me that close yet. I was going to propose next summer to her-and this ruined all of my plans. I will not go out and see other people, as I know that she is the one I want to grow old with. I want to be a supportive friend and be there in time of need, but I don't want to cross the line and always be there. Does anyone know how I can do that? Should I set an ultimatum or something? I'm sorry, I"m so confused.

 

Thank you again,

Jeff

[raggamuffin]

Hi Jeff,

This is a really tricky situation Im not sure how you know how long to just wait and see, but youll probably start to get sick of doing this eventually and will know when it is time for you to move on or when to tell her enough is enough. If she really is the one for you then you probably wont feel the need to move on and you will probably wait a long time. Just take each day as it comes and see how you feel. In saying this maybe this is a good opportunity to do other things and try new people and make the most of a not ideal situation. All the best in your quest for love.

[carrie747]

Jeff,

 

I know how much this sucks. Actually, I've been on both ends of this. When I was the one to break it off, it was for the same reason as your ex gf. It was not because I did not love my then boyfriend. I loved him very much. But 21/22 is a weird age, and until you really grow and learn who you are, you can't commit yourself to a relationship. That's the part that sucks. To make you keep your faith, I am now 27 and my ex and I have remained very close friends, and the last time we went out, there were definitely sparks. In fact, I've been thinking about him a lot lately and wondering if there is any way to win him back. I hesitate because I know I hurt him, so I'm just going with the flow to see what comes of it. Sometimes, you love someone with all of your heart, but the timing is just wrong. If it's real love, it will not go away, and when the time is right, it will just happen.

 

As much as you want to be there for her, you cannot forget to take care of yourself. Sometimes, it seems impossible to think about life without dating, but trust me, life without dating can be great. It gives you the chance to reconnect with your friends, to find out who you really are and to do things on your own that will really fulfill you. In turn, you are also giving her what she needs. But please, put your needs first for a while. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or need anymore "female" perspective on this. hang in there... it just gets easier each day!

[scotts_girl4evr]

my boyfriend told me that he wanted to separate while he went to college so that he wouldnt be holding me down while he wasnt here. His plan was that he would go out and do what he wanted and i stay back and wait for him. In a way its the same thing you going through in the since that she wants to go and do what she want and expects you to be their waiting for her when she decides to come back

heres what i did

i told him that i would not be waiting for him when he got back because if he could just leave me like that in the first place then who to say he wouldnt do it time and time agian. He decided he didnt wanna loose me after all and weve been together for 2 yrs next month

this happened over a year ago

i dont know if this helps but i hope it all works out in the end

[slider]

RiverRojo,

 

Sorry about your situation. It seems to me that you should take this time and use it to your advantage. Don't be so closed minded in thinking that there aren't girls out there that can please you. Trust me, there is. You just have to give someone else a chance. Waiting for her and not seeing or wanting to see others makes a person look pathic, thereforeeeee, unattractive. If you show her that you are perfectly willing to move on and seek someone else, she'll respect your more. Independence is attractive. You need to be attractive in her eyes. Get it.

 

Tell her: You can give you the space she needs, but you can't guarantee you'll still be there when she feels it's time to come back.

 

Expecting you to just wait around in disarray could be a selfish ploy to see if she can find someone better.

 

ie. She'll check out the nightspots, see if she can get someone that could be a potential partner. Try it for a month - if unsuccessful, then go back to the guy that's waiting for her. Otherwise, pursue that other person and let you go. In that case her reason will be "it just happened". BS.