Update

[SlipperySammy]

For those of you who have been here for a while you might remember as having lots of problems with my gf. We have had issues concerning her libido and the frequency of our sex. I just thought I would post an update and that we are currently doing alot better!

 

We devised a system that involves shedueled sex and it is working great and helping us alot. I will post the system and why it is working for us.

 

At the beggining of every month we sit down and talk about sex, for example, likes dislikes, initiation, what is working, what is not, etc...We then create a calander with schedueled days we will have sex for that month. Every other day we get assigned a day and that day is our day to initaite. For example day #1 colored pink on the calander and that is her day to initiate, day #2 is an 'off' day and is left blank, and day #3 is colored blue and is my day to initiate.

 

On off days sex is off the table. On 'on' days who ever day it is is responsible to initiate.

 

At the end of every month we will make a new schedule for the next month and address and strengths and weaknesses of the program.

 

This system might seem a little strange to some poeple but it is working great for us. I did a lot of research on relationships that envolve low drive and high drive partners and this was one suggestion I had found. I was worried that scheduled sex would ruduce intamacy, romance, and make her uncomfortable. But that hasn't been the case.

 

One reason this is working so great for us is that it takes all the pressure and confusion out of our sex life. Prior to the system we were having problems initiating with each other, and in turn we would fight about it and alot of anxiety over sex was created. Her already Low sex drive was gettign hindured by the anxiety. Sex was like a big pink elephant in the room every one knew it was there but didn't want to talk about it.

 

Every low drive person is different but for her on top of being low drive she would always stress out over certian things that would compound the problem. For example, she might see me buy her flowers and give her a back rub and think, "Does he want sex...I don't know...uhh...did he just do that for sex etc..." For her this would kill her libido even more and stress her out. Another example she might see me be crabby and wonder if I was mad at her for our lack luster sex life and she would stress out and have anxiety over the problem.

 

This new system has allowed us to have wonderfull 'off' days where no one even thinks about sex and there is no pressure on her for sex. Off days have resulted in me being romantic and nice with out her being suspicouse it is just for sex, or feeling pressured to have sex. Our 'On' days are clearly schedueled so that she can anticipate them and plan accordingly.

 

Prior to this system one of our biggest hurdles to getting our sex life on track was removing anxiety over the problem.

 

Contrary to what you might think this has actually increased passion and desire for sex because it seems so worry free and relaxed.

 

We were always a great couple that had a bad sex life. We were best friends and soulmates but couldn't get the chemestry going. Now we are best friends, soul mates and are having sex 3-4 times a week. She really seems to be enjoying the relaxed aspect of the scheduled sex and has had more desire for sex now than in many months...and it will probably get better.

 

I have researched the pros and cons of 'schedueled sex' in relationships such as ours and am trying to anticipate any snags but so far it seems to be working great and to good to be true.

 

It is a reality that she is a low drive person, but this system has removed all of the anxiety she had, which in turn has helped increase her sex drive. If you are familiar with relationship such as ours you might know that the HD person can get very frustrated feeling that they don't know when they will have sex next, or that they have no controle over when they will have sex next. This frustration can easily build into resentment and inturn hindure the relationship and make intimacy an even bigger problem. For example me being resentfull and angery that she is low drive and that we are not having much sex is naturally not going to help turn her on or feel comfortable having sex. Under the new system I know I will have sex within one day so those feeling of resentment and anger are gone. I treat her better and am in better moods which in turn makes her able to get turned on more.

 

Overall this system is working great for us.

[robowar]

Be sure to let us know how that works out over the next several weeks. I could foresee a lot of problems that scheduled sex could cause, but if it works for you, then awesome. I guess spontaneity doesn't work for you guys lol

[melrich]

At the beggining of every month we sit down and talk about sex, for example, likes dislikes, initiation, what is working, what is not, etc...We then create a calander with schedueled days we will have sex for that month. Every other day we get assigned a day and that day is our day to initaite. For example day #1 colored pink on the calander and that is her day to initiate, day #2 is an 'off' day and is left blank, and day #3 is colored blue and is my day to initiate.

 

Wow. If you had of asked advice about this system before you put it into practice I would have said "no way!"

 

That is great that it is working for you. Ill add your system to the list of suggestions for couples with similar issues.

 

Cheers

[SlipperySammy]

Yes it works well for us. I can imagine it wouldn't work for every one, but for us it is a big leap forward.

 

Some one mentioned spontanaity is not for us...well we still can enjoy some spontanaity it is just within our day. For example we can have sex in the morning, afternoon, evening...it can be passionate, a quicky, in our bedroom not in our bedroom. We can still surprise each other with romantic gestures sexy underware etc...The spontanaity is just confined to within the day.

[RayKay]

Hey Slippery Sammy!

 

Of course I remember you!

 

That is GREAT to hear. I am not *that* surprised it actually is something that works, because "scheduling" sex is often recommended for couples whom have stopped having sex (or at least having "time" for it). And, you can actually use that "schedule" to build anticipation, and it prevents other things from "coming up" that put sex on hold again. It does not take away spontaneity, because it does not mean there is only a certain few minutes you can do it, and again, it allows each partner to get inventive about it, build the anticipation, and also takes some of the pressure off.

 

Anyway, I am happy for you. It is definitely not for everyone, but it sounds like it IS working well for you. And that is clearly leaps and bounds ahead of what was not working before!