Ex just email me that "she misses my company"

[rnorth]

Back story is we've been going out for 11 months during which we always seem to have gotten along wonderfully. She broke up about 3 weeks ago (working 60-70 hour weeks lately) and said it wasn't working for her and she knew it isn't working for me, that I was putting all the effort into the relationship and that she doesn't have anything to give to anyone right now.....

 

So I immediately started what I thought would be NC but it ended up being LC, partially because she emails me to "see how I am".... quite frankly I am fine with it- she was right when she said it wasn't working for me...mostly because of her being emotionally distant. I do miss her; sometimes like crazy, but realize she is right...... the relationship was unbalanced with her long work hours, inability to communicate with me.... Two days after the "break" she wrote me an email saying:

"Please believe that I do still love you"

To which I did not reply as she also talked about being friends which I am not ready to decide at this point.

 

I have looked into dating again, mostly just for fun and to give myself perspective. Working out, keeping myself busy, hanging with friends, etc.

 

Then all of the sudden today....... Ex discloses that "its been hard adjusting" that she "misses my company".... then she asked me how I am doing. My response was the following:

 

As for how I am doing? Not exactly the bees knees but fairly well just the same. Lets just say that I have purposely kept myself bus y which has been good.............................................

- But we will catch up sooner or later......okay?

And she responded:

I’ll look forward to catching up at some point – take care

Frankly I think that I will see how I am doing in a couple of weeks and if I feel like it, call her to meet for coffee..... but the point is I have control of my emotions and my reactions and feel pretty strong. I would like to think, however, that there is a chance of reconciliation should it align well for both of us to do so..... Any thoughts or comments on the sitch would be appreciated!

[friscodj]

My first thought is she is saying these things out of feelings of detachment, emotional pain, and weakness.

 

Plus, when a woman "checks up" on you like she has been, it has been my experience that she is essentially being selfish and controlling, wanting to "have you" without actually "having you", a.k.a. "having her cake and eating it too". This is very common on this site...

 

Unless there is some compelling reason(s) beyond your feelings of detachment, loniless, emotional pain, etc. to get back together with her, I'd stick to your guns and walk the path towards new and better relationships.

 

When you guys broke up, you broke up and did so for reasons. Don't forget that you guys have already pulled the trigger on this one...

 

So that's my piece, maybe a little bit jaded, but I stick by it...

[joyce1412]

Plus, when a woman "checks up" on you like she has been, it has been my experience that she is essentially being selfish and controlling, wanting to "have you" without actually "having you", a.k.a. "having her cake and eating it too". This is very common on this site...

 

totally agreed with friscodj. she wants to mark her territory without actually putting out any effort/being in the relationship. i know i've done it with an ex...i wasn't even in love with him and was certain i didn't want to be with him either. still, knowing he was in love with ME was nice, and i kind of wanted to keep it that way. i even went so far as to track him down on new year's eve and make out with him. cruel? yep. manipulative? of course, i was 18! (you'd think maybe the age would explain it, but really, women are just mean sometimes, period.) so yeah, i don't think your ex has really given you anything to hope for with those emails. of course she misses you, that's just the way it goes. when she misses HAVING YOU AS HER BOYFRIEND and wants that BACK, thinking she has made a mistake...that's a different story.

[friscodj]

Good point Joyce, she wants a boyfriend back, she wants closeness with a man back, she wants her pain to go away.

 

This isn't about you it's about her. Unless she pours her heart out, lays it on the line, and shows you something, it's just dust in the wind to you.

 

Be strong my brother... [-(

[Belle]

Plus, when a woman "checks up" on you like she has been, it has been my experience that she is essentially being selfish and controlling, wanting to "have you" without actually "having you", a.k.a. "having her cake and eating it too". This is very common on this site...

 

 

Isn't this what guys do too? I'm pretty sure that's what my ex is up to. Plus I think he'd like to see if I'd get back together on his non committal terms.

[annie24]

whenever I hear something like "Ex just email me that "she misses my company", I just think, "well, I want a *beeping* pony, but we don't all get what we want, now do we?" After all, she broke up with you, so she has no one but herself to blame for missing you.

 

I agree with frisco. You are better off on the path you are now, recognizing that the breakup was for a real reason and to focus on moving forward. Don't go back to her unless she gives you a real good to.

 

good luck

[Broken83]

I too believe that you shouldn't allow her to manipulate you, or else you won't heal... As simple as that. Next time she tells you she misses you, tell her politely that this is a result of her own desicion and that she is just gonna have to live with it. Tell her also that she should only call you if she genuinely wants to reconcile, nothing less, nothing more. You deserve better, believe it!

[NotMyself]

Take it with a grain of salt... The replies you received from the other posters summed it up and they were right on. She may be confused and may possibly even miss you, but it doesnt mean she wants you back.

 

My ex did this exact same thing to me. For six agonizing months. Everytime I pulled away when she gave me the whole confusion line, she would start sending those wicked texts or emails. I realize now, how selfish it was of her. For the longest time, I couldnt see how much damage it was doing to me to keep in contact with her. I was stuck in it... Time without her has given me so much clarity now.

 

The biggest favor you can do yourself is to cut ALL contact with her. I always tried to find a reason to not do NC. I thought my situation was different. I blamed myself and tried to fix things. I can now see clearly, and realize how it wasnt my fault. She just didnt want to work things out. She would say she loved, how much she missed me and saw a future with me, but it was obviously not enough to get back together with me.