lvlyldy Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 I was feeling a little bit better about the break up this past weekend (now closing on 3 months), but since last night Ive been slipping again. Maybe its that all my friends are really down right now... one who is depressed and on academic probation, one who was broken up with yesterday and another friend who is worried about breaking up with her boyfriend, and another friend also going through a rough patch with her bf.Talking to my friends, and trying to be supportive... reminded me of hte pain ive gone through. Im a lot better these days, but thinking back to 3 months ago and how upset I was... how much I cried, how much pain was in, how depressed I was. I cried EVERYDAY, and stopped eating, couldnt sleep but couldnt get myself out of bed. It affected me so much and tore me apart. Ive come a long way to even become the partially whole person I am, but I think to protect myself ive blocked out most of what happened then... I cant even rememebr how I got through that first night he broke up with me. I dont know, it brought out all those old feelings again and they just wont leave. I was finally resolved to getting better, and I vaguely started getting over him. I missed him, and of course I want him back but I could still function and be happy without thinking about him. Today I havent been able to stop thinking about him, and ive been pretty much a wreck. I want him back, more so than ever. Im giving myself hope again, only to put myself down and think of things that only make me hurt more (like how he's prolly over me, maybe dating someone else, how ill never see him aain, how he'd never break NC on his own). I dont know... what do I do to get these thoughts out of my head? I love him, I want him back... but I know I have no choice but to do NC and try to heal as much as I can, right? no point in breaking contact... there is nothing I can do to change his mind. *sigh*.. .why is this so hard? I just wish there was something I could do. Link to comment
crushed2285 Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 hey, i was wondering how you were holding up. sorry to hear that it's not so well I have been going through the same thing, and he has only been gone since friday!! although we have been broken up for seven months (!!) already the frequent contact we'd had makes it like it was yesterday almost. I think it's pretty normal to go thru phases where you are okay for a while, then you get weak and aren't. At least that's been my experience through this whole thing. I was like you, i cried and cried every single day talked my friends' ears off saying the same things over and over and i kept asking "why?" These days i am still sad, but even more than that i am angry and hurt. i am confused and annoyed that i won't know how this will turn out until it actually happens (although my ex keeps saying all this crap about how we are gonna live happily ever after---i think he is dillusional and an * * * for giving me all this hope when it seems so unrealistic, yet he keeps insisting, which in turns keeps fueling my hope). i think once we accept that there's nothing we can do about it, it makes it a little easier to back off. i'm at the point where i have no choice but to get over it and then by the end of the summer i want to be okay with it going either way. don't worry you will feel better soon, it's just a phase Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Forget about him for right now, that situation is on hold. Reach down and find some strength to be strong for your friends. Take the initiative to show them your value to them as a good friend, cheer them up and show them that their problems are just as important as yours. This will also help you put things in to perspective in your own world. Having a pity party won't help anyone, liven things up and you will notice the difference in your own attitude. Stay NC and heal, that's the best thing for anyone in your position can do. RC Link to comment
mikeca Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Ya I'm having that same kind of day...must be something in the air...all I could think about right now is the courtship...all those movies...taking it step by step slowly getting to know each other. its more just annoying rather than hurting right now...its like damn...just stop thinking of it. Link to comment
thegoodgirl04 Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Me too, must be a full moon or something! Very annoying! Link to comment
NotMyself Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Hang in there... As dark as it may seem now, it does get better... Every day is an accomplishment. I reached so many low points and everytime I thought this has to be the last one... Eventually, it just started getting better. I realized I wasnt thinking of her as much before I went to sleep and she was no longer the first thing on my mind when I woke up... For the longest time after the breakup, my thoughts were consumed with her.. Sometimes, I couldnt stop dreaming of her and just wanted it all to stop... After some time, I realized that I did have some control in how I was feeling. I forced myself to go out with my friends. I began to spend more time with my family. I made sure I went to family functions. I stopped staying at home and feeling sorry for myself. I realized that my relationship was over and if this person didnt want me, then good riddance to her. I didnt stop loving her, I just started to love myself more... You will go through these cycles... Its strange, but I still remember the first time I really laughed after the breakup. It took months to happen but I can vividly remember that first time I caught myself laughing from the bottom of my belly... It was a turning point. I realized life does go on and I will be happy again. We know what you are feeling, but think about the happy days you have had and remember that you will have them again... Just ride out the waves in the meantime and keep yourself busy with your friends and your family. Helping them with their problems takes your mind off of your own it sounds like some of them need your company and friendship right now... Oh yeah... GO BEARS!!! Link to comment
lvlyldy Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 thanks everyone for your very wise advice. Ive been crying on and off today, but I think ive gotten it out of my system for a bit. its such a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes I dont know what to do with myself. it will get better one day I know, I just cant wait to get there! Ive always wanted to go to berkeley, and when I got there I was super excited because I think it is the most AMAZING place in the world. I stopped going out and enjoying that excitement that comes with being in college after the break up, and once I head back I know I want to start doing those things I planned when I first got here ! No boy is going to ruin MY berkeley Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Good Attitude! Now stick with it and take control of your emotions, they are yours, let no one else control them! RC Link to comment
crushed2285 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 i am really really missing him today i wonder if he is missing me.... Link to comment
mikeca Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Most people will say it shouldnt matter, but its a natural reaction to miss something youve had for so long, but also know that you cannot go around feeling that way, listen to some music, go for a run, just keep your mind off it for a few moments then it'll pass Link to comment
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