Last Obstacle

[michelle25]

Well, overall I've been doing much better. I haven't made contact with my ex since I texd him tues, and we haven't spoke since Monday. I was foolish, and tried to make up with him on tues, even after he yelled at me, told me to shut up, and threw me out of his place.

 

I thought maybe he would feel sorry too, and text me back. Nope. but, he gave me a blessing in disguise, because since he hasn't contacted me, its made me see what a truly uncaring man he is.

 

Some things are still bothering me though. He usually ignored me or gave me silent treatment after we fought no matter who's "fault" it was, but I think this time I really pissed him off. (what else is new.)

 

I can't get over that before we got into the fight monday, he bought me some nice things, and i left them at his place not knowing we would break up (AGAIN). In the angry email I wrote him the night he sent me home, I said to f*** the stuff I left at his place, get rid of it all, and basically forget all that we had together. I was SO mad, (see previous posts) over his treatment towards for such a small issue, that I lost it before I let my head clear.

 

It really hurt and angered me how he wouldn't let me talk, kept cussing me out, and basically shut the door in my face on my way out, now ignores me.

 

What is wrong with me that I feel bad about the angry email I wrote??

 

Maybe Im worried he actually did throw all my stuff out, and he could care less about me, and im sitting here thinking of him. By doing NC, will I soon start caring less and less about him?

 

I guess Im just clinging to the few times that we had fun together, when he bought me nice things, etc... I know thats only half, if maybe even a small portion of him, and I need to really focus on who he really is. Why do I miss him?

 

Its the weekend, and Im not going to call, but the fact I wrote such an angry email, and he is still ignoring me hurts so much.. I miss him, feel angry, and hurt all at the same time. I wish I could just be jumping for joy that im out of this verbally and mentally abusive relationship, but Im not.

[searching1951]

Hey, tootsie, you're just starting this breakup. Let's talk after your first week of NC. It usually gets harder and harder..until it finally breaks and gets better.

[serenity25]

I really think that your feelings of missing him have nothing to do with HIM. It sounds like he is a real jerk and you should celebrate the favor he did you by leaving. No one likes rejection or to no longer be wanted so that creates the desire or need to have that very same person in order to calm our own ego and insecurities. No contact may not make you stop caring to be honest. I still care about my ex, but I care from afar and am detached... it becomes easier over time although you will have really tough moments. As you grow you will learn as I have (the really hard way) that love isn't the guy who buys you gifts or tells you he loves you. Love is the guy who SHOWS you he loves you, treats you with respect, is a best friend and still by your side after the newness has worn off. Love isn't walking away or abusive. I think NC is necessary for you to realize that you were wasting your time with this guy who could treat you so badly. You deserve better! You need to love yourself and stop abusing yourself because no one can abuse you more than you will allow. On the flip side, if you really love yourself and set boundaries for how you want to be treated, you will be opening the door for a wonderful gentleman that will TRULY LOVE you. That is what you deserve- not a thing less.

 

Remember that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. The only thing wrong with your situation was/is him and the fact that you aren't loving yourself enough to stop his abuse. So hang in there sweetie and be strong!

[michelle25]

Thank you!

I know I will get past it. I am confident I will. I think im having a "moment" since its the weekend, and I would already be at his place right now.

 

He ignores me, calls me horrible names, treats me like a child, and I still think of the good times. Crazy..

 

I can't even imagine how good it will feel to be with a man who will allow me to be myself, love me for me, and would never think of putting me through this hell that my ex has.

 

I don't know any different, stayed with him too long,and started to believe this is how I should be punished if I "act up." In all honesty, men are always showing interest in me, Im on my way to a great career, and I have a lot to offer someone because I was brought up in a strong family where I was taught to love and be loyal. (sorry, had to make myself feel good again.) I guess I will move on, find happiness, and my ex will always be the way he is, treating women lousy, and never finding true happiness.

 

Maybe he will be happy, who knows, but at least in my heart I know even though I wasn't perfect, I was loyal and loving to him, and gave him everything.

 

Thanks for the support. I will do NC and not give in, but it does get hard at times. I think soon i will be laughing at the fact that I was so 'in love' with this man, and it took me so long to leave him. I've heard it from many that if I keep doing NC, I will be kicking myself and saying, "what the heck was I thinking."

[Hyperia81]

Hey hun,

 

You are mad at the email you wrote because somewhere inside your heart you felt that you could be back together, and now that you wrote the email you destroyed whatever chance you had. It leaves feeling like you made a horrible mistake and that you shouldnt have done it.

I will be honest with you, you should not have wrote it- You should have stuck to NC, but you made a mistake and now you learn from it and do not contact him, You will feel better soon believe me but it can only happen if you have NC with him.

 

He doesnt deserve your time or attention. Remember that! Think what kind of person he is, uncaring, rude, abusive. Are these traits that you would want in your lover? Confirm that in your mind. Visualize him as a horrible creature the next time you feel like calling him or getting in contact with him. Ask yourself why you would even want to call a monster for comfort.

 

Do not cling to memmories of good times with him, remember how you felt when he shut the door in your face and erase the good times ( atleast until you have already moved forward ) You are feeling the attachment you had to him ( which in some cases is still there even after love has faded )

That attachment will soon disapear and you will fall back into yourself again.

 

I wrote a short guide on some things you can do to try to move forward.

here it is, hope it helps alittle.

 

 

Hyperia-

[michelle25]

You are right. I have a lot of time on my hands until Im going out with my friends, and I think thats when I get into trouble.

 

Yes, he does NOT deserve any of my time or attention. Even thinking of him for a few moments isn't even worth my time. The fact that he can ignore me for all of this time says enough.

 

i'll remember the time he told me to "shut the f*** up" and when he made me leave. I bet you if i was to go to his place this weekend, I would probably be thrown out of his place anyways because I said the wrong thing or moved the wrong way. At least Im around people that truly love me, and would never dream of saying the things he has to me.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I will get through the weekend by being strong and not calling him.

[Hyperia81]

Best wishes hun!

Post here instead of calling him if you ever feel sad or vulnerable.

 

 

Hyperia