Ladies: A question for you.

[lostnconfused13]

I need some input...If a guy has gone through 2 divorces before he is 30, is this guy doomed for any hope of a real relationship in the future? He has 1 son from the first marriage and none from the second but the kids she had from her 1st are extremely attatched to him, so there is potential for visits from them as well. Any ?'s feel free to ask. Gentelmen feel free to sound off as well.

[RayKay]

I need some input...If a guy has gone through 2 divorces before he is 30, is this guy doomed for any hope of a real relationship in the future? He has 1 son from the first marriage and none from the second but the kids she had from her 1st are extremely attatched to him, so there is potential for visits from them as well. Any ?'s feel free to ask. Gentelmen feel free to sound off as well.

 

Doomed...no. Depends a lot on the reasons for the divorce, and the circumstances of those relationships. Not all relationships last (though I would be concerned that there were two marriages already that ended by that point since for me marriage is a pretty big deal, and I have taken my time even getting married at all yet!).

 

But would I still be hesitant to get involved in a relationship based on them having had two divorces by the age of 30, personally. Just my own personal preference and thoughts though.

 

Why do you ask?

[avman]

No, not doomed. But such a guy should really take a hard look at what happened in the relationships and take responsibility for his part in the problems. You can't fix somebody else, but you can certainly fix yourself.

 

I'd also spend some time out of the dating pool discovering yourself and sort out just what you want from life and what your priorities are.

[DN]

My brother-in-law had two divorces before he married my sister. They are now approaching their 20th wedding anniversary.

[blender]

One thing that is an example of a man's future is his past... unless, he has gotten some serious therapy and makes a choice to stop getting involved until he can do some soul searching to find what he's "running from or into" as a pattern. This is HIS pattern so far, not YOURS, so be careful and try to lead with facts and not just your feelings. Everyone deserves a chance but we have to also keep our eyes wide open and be "accepting" as to the person's life pattern thus far. Do you think it's wise that he is already getting involved with you? How long since his last relationship broke up? And as far as kids go, how he CHOOSES to behave regarding responsiblity towards these children, biological or step kids, well that would be a big factor for me in who this guy really is... and his potential for responsible emotional commitment.

 

Take care of you, and know that you can always keep seeing him and make a loving suggestion as to therapy so he might find out why he gets involved so deeply and then it doesn't work out... there could be many reasons, but one of them, for sure, is HIM, and he DOES have a part in these relationships failing, maybe it's not ALL about him, but hopefully he has voiced things HE has done wrong as to why these relationships fail.. But if he totally blames the women, beware, that's a BIG red flag....

 

We're all here for you... take care, best, blender

[Beyondthesea]

I wouldn't worry about it, so long as you have learned from past mistakes.

 

I know I'll get stones for this, but I always told myself I would never date someone who has been divorced. I feel like that unless the relationship had a complete breakdown that the person isn't very devoted or eager to make a relationship work. Marriage is very serious in my opinion, and will always have problems. If you are willing to walk away at the drop of a hat, you aren't the one for me! It's different if cheating was involved.

 

However, a lot of people just make poor choices in who they marry, thinking that issues they've had will just 'go away' or be resolved 'once we have kids.' Those people just made a mistake, which is fine.

 

If the relationship was great but some issues came up and the couple walked because they couldn't resolve them (or didn't want to) that's a big issue for me.

[teacup]

i'm going to tell you something different.

 

yes. he's doomed.

[DN]

One thing that should be considered also is who initiated the divorces and why. Sometimes people have bad luck or make poor choices about the people with whom they have relationships. I know some members on here, one in particular, who are always saying that they have bad luck in relationships or with meeting good people. Sometimes that isn't evident until after a marriage.

[Roxari]

How about a woman that was married and divorced 3 times before she was 30? DOOMED!

 

As for you, I believe that all to often people get married for the wrong reasons. People just don't have what it takes these days to actually commit and compromise and all of the other things that it takes to make a marriage work. That is if they actually married someone they could honestly spend the rest of their loves with.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I wouldn't say you're doomed because of your previous marriages, although they would make me pretty hesitant. But because of your child, I would not date you. I like children, and I do not want to date someone who has children because of the entourage and everything else that comes along with the child. You might have the best luck trying to date women who have similar stats as you: married multiple times, children, etc. They would have more in common as you as far as lifestyle, and might be seeking someone like you who can relate.

[lostnconfused13]

Well some of you figured it out...lol he is me...lol

 

The first marriage was the whole "high school sweethearts" thing, ended up growing apart and she had an affair, I have fully accepted and appologized for the errors he made in the marriage. Changed in accordance with those errors. Marriage lasted 4 years

 

1 1/2 years later

 

The second marriage was awesome at first, but then again most are, until life set in and a major depression came over me (lost job, grandmother passed away) and I almost shut down. Started fighting the depression and doing great since. Well about a month ago I was told that she was not happy and had not been happy for awhile. That she needed to "find" herself again and that one of us moving out was the most likely situation. I have been fighting tooth and nail since moving back in to show her that I wanted to make up the "lost" time to her. I was over the depression and ready to get on with life. Every time we have a civilized argument she likes to bring up the past but says she isnt holding a grudge. I really am lost when it comes to what to do now. I love her with all my heart and don't want it to be over. She says that love is not the issue because she loves me too. I am the first man in her life who has not treated her like trash, is she just not used to this?? Is she self destructive, she finally has what she has been looking for and now that she has it???? Close friends and family feel she is bi-polar.

 

So that is some more info for you folks to put your info in on

[Momene]

I need some input...If a guy has gone through 2 divorces before he is 30, is this guy doomed for any hope of a real relationship in the future? He has 1 son from the first marriage and none from the second but the kids she had from her 1st are extremely attatched to him, so there is potential for visits from them as well. Any ?'s feel free to ask. Gentelmen feel free to sound off as well.

 

I'd say get to know partners better before settling down. This isn't just a time thing, it's really talk about hopes, dreams, fantasies, the lot.

 

I knew my ex wife for over 2 years before marrying and my wife for 3 months. Guess who I knew better before marrying?

[love8me]

not doomed...there is still hope ...just get to know the person you're planning to have a serious relationship in the future & don't forget your responsibiltiy to the kid.