Nice boyfriend, bad location

[ruku]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while now. We get along really well, but lately I've been depressed. There are a number of reasons for this: 1. My leg's injured and my mobility's limited, 2. My boyfriend's been too busy to hang out with me (he's got school, work, family, and one of those addicting online games that eats up all his time) 3. I live alone, no pets and very few friends out here. 4. Add school and work on top of that, and its all driving me nuts.

 

It seems that everyone is too busy to talk to me, even my friends and family (which I can understand; they all have jobs and busy lives).

 

But the thing that really gets me depressed is this:

I'm not happy here (this college town that I'm currently living in). But my boyfriend has lived here all his life. He's been really hinting that I should stay out here even after graduation. I'd like to try living with him, but he's in a situation where he has someone at home he needs to take care of, so he won't be able to live with me in an apartment.

I know, it sounds like he just wants me to be his convenient girlfriend with her own place that he can visit whenever he has time. But he's offered to help pay rent (although, since he's never lived on his own, I believe he has absolutely NO idea what he's getting into that way). I'm tired of living alone, though, and really tired of living alone here, where my family and friends are miles and miles away.

 

He really is a nice guy, though, and I really really like him. He tells me he loves me all the time. We get along great. We've talked about marriage and wanting kids and all. He's told me several times that I'm the love of his life. I like him too, and I never ever want to break his heart. It's just that right now, I don't really see how a future (where both sides are happy) together with him is possible. I guess I just need something to give me hope for us.

[Tigris]

Do you take painkillers for your leg? Are you depressed because of the injury? Do you take depression medication?

[Gracelove]

I can really relate!

 

I really don't like my school or the town where it's located.

 

My boyfriend lives in a town not to far away from where I go to school.

I pretty much stay with him now, for the most part anyways.

 

I'm 3,000 miles away from my home town, family, and friends.

 

I said that as soon as I completed school I would leave this state and return home.

I'm choosing to stay here though, because I love him, and we're getting married.

 

I can totally relate to the stress of not having friends around.

 

It is really hard.

 

I'm thinking of volunteering in an effort to meet people and make new friends.

 

If my boyfriend was really busy all the time, and made no time for me, I don't know if I'd want to stay either.

 

I mean you're making a huge sacrifice to be near him. He could at least lay off on the games a little bit.

 

If he really wants you to stay around he'll have to make some sacrifices too.

 

A one-sided relationship won't work.

 

If he's not willing to make sacrifices as you are, then maybe the relationship isn't as you believed it to be.

[RayKay]

I know, it sounds like he just wants me to be his convenient girlfriend with her own place that he can visit whenever he has time

 

I don't think it sounds like that at all. It sounds like he a primary caregiver for another relative, and as someone whom has family and friends in such positions, I can understand very well how much responsibility that is. I think he wants to be with you, but also feels he must be there for his (relative?).

 

Is your injury permanent or temporary? Are you in physio, and therapy of any sorts for the depression?

 

Maybe it is time to make some new friends though. Honestly, it sounds like if you ARE depressed, even if you were back home you may find your problems following. You have to make the best of the circumstances you are in!

 

I can however understand how you feel, and that you have needs in your life too that are not being met. So, in that regard, maybe you do need to make a major decision about this relationship. I mean, if him having to take care of this relative for a very long time is something that is going to happen (is he alone in helping, or is there someone else) then you have to decide whether you can put your life on hold indefinitely too. I mean, what if you two were to get married, where would he and you live? Apart, or together?

 

Also, ultimately, you do deserve to be a priority above video games in your partner's life. Have you talked to him about it? If yes, and nothing changes, maybe it is time to decide whether you are really compatible in a partnership together.

[ruku]

No, I'm not on any medication. I was on Ibuprofen for the pain in my leg, but it doesn't hurt that bad anymore, so I don't take it anymore. It's been about a month since I've taken any. My injury is supposed to be only temporary, although it is taking a long time to heal. I'm used to being on crutches though, so I don't think my leg is really the problem (as far as me being depressed).

 

I've talked to him a little about the video game. He has been laying off it a little, but the effects of the game are still present; he gets distracted easily, he has a hard time paying attention (to me or anything), and he gets lost in his own little world a lot. Heck, I used to play video games a lot before we started dating, and I know these side effects really well. That's why I stopped playing when we started going out. He wasn't always like this. He just got hooked on this game recently. I know how addicting these online games can be (seriously, its scary!), which is why I don't play them. (Do you think there's a patch?)

 

He is the main caregiver for his relative, who needs help with stuff around the house. I understand that, and respect that. It's just I can't see how we're ever going to live together and be close enough to help her when she needs it. Unless I move in to their house (which I don't think she'd really like). I understand though, we've only met a couple times, and it would be weird for her to have pretty much a stranger living in her house.

 

But if I get an affordable apartment (if I can find one around where he lives) he still won't be able to see me as much, and then I really won't be close enough to see my friends (but they're always busy anyways, so maybe I need to get some new friends). Maybe I should volunteer like you're going to do, Gracelove. At least I wouldn't be lonely some of the day!