Feelings after break up

[hazeleyed]

Hi, I just have a few questions for people who are healing. Do you see yourself isolating yourself from people? I have been broken up with my boyfriend for about 3-4 months and I just stick to myself now. I dont have wishes to go out with my friends, nor do I want to meet new people. I use MSN but I hardly talk to anyone anymore. I am on guard with people 24/7 and if someone tries to compliement I usually ignore it.

 

Relationship wise, people talk to me about it. My bestfriend says I am just running away from relationships. But I dont want any because they all seem to end bad and I just dont feel like focusing my time and energy on stupidity. People who will get upset, angry or hrt and than I would have to sit there or help them through it. I know all this sounds selfish but if you read my previous thread you would understand maybe why I feel some of the things I feel.

 

I do get lonely because my ex and I practically lived together for 2 years but now I just dont have the motivation to do anything. I have been wanting to work out for 3 weeks but I just cant get that something to start, I sit in front of the tv, I garden, I talk to my parents but that is how far it goes. I just feel empty and alone now which I dont always mind...but I dunno...

[Cute Band Rat]

Today I called my ex, and as expected it went bad. I feel like I am seriously CRAZY. I called him over and over...trying to talk. Finally I left a voice message BEGGING him to please change his phone numbers (cell and home) so I could not call him anymore. I said I know it will hurt me, but I know myself well enough to know if I can call him I will. This cycle has repeated itself SO many times. I get upset, call him, we argue, we make up, we get back together, then it starts all over again....rinse and repeat. I truly want to move on and heal. I don't know if he will change his numbers, but I am sure he will, as I am not leaving him much choice. I feel pathetic and weak....he is the ONLY person who has ever made me feel this way. Was it wrong for me to ask him to do this for me...for us??

[hazeleyed]

Dear cute Band Rat,

 

It isnt about you being wrong or right. Its just about making bad choices and right choices. What you did was a bad choice but you made it and now all you can do is learn from it and try not to repeat it.

 

I would say that you need to help self respect and dignity so that you do not call him ever. I dont know much about your situation but all I can say is there is no use callin someone who makes you do things like that or makes you feel weak.

 

Find the strength within yourself to get up and move on. If you feel like calling him, call the kids help phone or call a friend...list all the bad things u dunt like about him and look at it everytime u want to cal him up. Best of luck

[Cute Band Rat]

Hazel thanks for the advice. I posted this on the wrong thread..I apologize.

[searching1951]

Yeah. I think it is somewhat healthy to separate from people, contrary to the advice. Certainly, people who know the ex are a problem becasue they tell you things that you probably don't want to hear. I know I've been aloof and distant the past few months of hell.

[VerySadToday]

Very coincidental but I just posted about going through a similar stage. It has been 3 and 1/2 months since my breakup.

 

 

 

Maybe it is a normal part of healing.

[Scotcha]

It's normal to want to isolate yourself after a break-up. It's important to have time to reflect on the situation and fully process the emotions.

 

It's just as important to have friends and family to help you through this tough time. Though some individuals are more people orientated than others, humans by nature are social creatures.

 

I just dont have the motivation to do anything. I have been wanting to work out for 3 weeks but I just cant get that something to start, I sit in front of the tv, I garden, I talk to my parents but that is how far it goes. I just feel empty and alone now which I dont always mind...but I dunno...

 

It is normal to be depressed when a relationship ends but it has been several months and some of the strong feelings should be subsiding and your interest in your life should be picking up. Everyone is different in how long it will take to heal but are you feeling any better? Some of the above statments sound like ongoing depression.

[hazeleyed]

Hi Scotcha,

 

My friend confronted me about my behaviour and he said that I am stopping myself from healing and I am only depressing myself. He said I a msleeping too much and that is a big sign of depression, also eating a lot as well.

 

I need to step out of it, and I am trying. Today I made a sechdule of my work out and eating and studying...hopefully I can follow it...

 

I dunno I dunt feel like meeting people because they only hurt me. No I am not playing the victim or anything but my ex really damaged my trust in people. So I thought its just best to stay away from them rather than getting to know people. My friends introduce me to guys and I add them on MSN but after 2-3 talks I just block and delte them. I have no desire to meet guys...