Has anyone had success with NC?

[luvnbeluved]

The main topic on this wonderful, terrific board seems to be NC. I just have a question about it. Has this worked for anyone here? I mean is it worth it and are any of you back with your exes? I understand the healing yourself part of it and I do believe it is the best thing to do after you break up with someone, I am just curious if it has worked for any of you and if you are back with your ex and happy now, I realize every relationship is different but I am just curious what has worked for those that have had success.

[gaiden]

As you said, NC isn't a tool to get your ex back, it's a tool to help you collect your thoughts and heal.

 

As for my own success, NC has had limited success in bringing back lost ones but it alone won't save a relationship.

[Dako]

Every so often someone gets the impression ending contact will attract them back and save the relationship. Sadly, it's not likely to work that way. NC is for a person to move on, not make the ex jealous, curious or long for the old days. In a breakup. hope isn't always a good thing. It can prolong the misery.

[settinuplife]

Yeah, it works on my ex everytime. I'll go NC and she will freak out! Then she will call and text non-stop begging me to talk and when we start talking again and she tells me she thought about me non-stop, and cried, and how much she missed me. But....I am not back with her...yet, she hasn't asked me yet. I could maybe be back with her if I gave her an ultimatum - either get back with me or I'm cutting you off for good, but I just can't do that, I'm not a big fan of ulitmatums, I would like for her to come back because she really wants to not cause she HAS to.

[PRSOV]

Yeah, it works on my ex everytime. I'll go NC and she will freak out! Then she will call and text non-stop begging me to talk and when we start talking again and she tells me she thought about me non-stop, and cried, and how much she missed me. But....I am not back with her...yet, she hasn't asked me yet. I could maybe be back with her if I gave her an ultimatum - either get back with me or I'm cutting you off for good, but I just can't do that, I'm not a big fan of ulitmatums, I would like for her to come back because she really wants to not cause she HAS to.

 

Haha that is so out of context, funny though!

[notanymore]

i totally agree with Dako its not about getting back but more about getting ahead, i ll be glad if NC works in getting u and ur ex back together but as far as i am concerned i am healing,getting to know myself better, though i feel low at times, its a part of healing.

Quoting dako again hope isn't always a good thing

[rnorth]

You are correct that NC is a way of getting your own act together, ie realizing you don't need your ex, getting space from the incident, etc.

 

But depending on the circumstances of the break, it can sometimes lead to the ex missing you and wondering what is going on. In that case, they may find an irreverent reason to contact you just to touch base and get a vibe... not necessarily to get back together.

 

Remember to break it down to physics. People are rarely on the same level of attraction. When one pushes, the other pulls away. All of the sudden when you stop pushing, they have lost a reason to stop pulling away.

 

Anything tendency to push on your part after the breakup increases her tendency to pull away. So if you are needy, argumentative, bring up negatives about the relationship or breakup, etc. when you do contact your ex they will pull away more and perhaps even permenantly.

 

Why NC is recommended for people who want reconciliation is first to get them away from being needy, and get them back to being more "self-centered".... It is about healing and actually getting away from the desparate mindset that we have when we are dumped. If getting back together is all you can think about during NC, you are not ready for contact with them (at least normal contact).... You really have to put yourself in a situation where you are okay with moving on and finding someone new should it never happen. Thats the rub... they can sometimes become the pusher once you start to pull away!!!!!

[ryan1987]

i believe NC ITSELF does not bring the EX back! but to a point i would argure that it puts you in the position to regain the relationship with more self dependance! confidence and over all thought pattern towards the relationship its self, you are a giant of a figure compared to what you were! you have gained that strength!! letting them see you emotionally stable!

how could you expect to go back to the person as you always were!! now that you have realised YOU are the important figure! and the world does not revolve around her! you can really make somthing for yourself! just my opinion

[rnorth]

Well said Ryan. If you happen to get together again after a period of NC, it is a by-product of everything you have done during that period and how your ex views that. I understand many of us enter NC with the hope of getting our ex back, but the big picture is it prepares you to move on to the next and hopefully better phase of your life, with or without your ex.