Just a quick question...

[Stinkweed]

Well, not so quick... I don't care much, but it was very weird something that happened to me. Ok, there was this girl in one of my classes, and she had been there all year. I always found her attractive and stuff till I eventually developed a crush on her.

 

I sometimes got the impression she found me interesting, but sometimes it was the exact contrary (this is not the first time something like this happens to me, which is why I already knew the answer was gonna be "no" whenever I got to ask her out). So yeah I procrastinated big time, till finally one day before prom I asked her out to prom, lol. Well, she said she was already going with someone, and then I asked her if she was gonna be busy over the weekend and she said she was already seeing someone (duh, but at least I tried an alternate thingy/whatever). I said it was cool, and at the time when she was rejecting me, I thought she even looked flattered and she was all nice about it. And man, it felt good to finally have an answer.

 

Then I noticed she started to like ignore me... really weird how it was that I was gonna try to wave hello and smile, but she didn't even look at me. Well, I figured I'd still like to be her friend or something or just to let her know I wasn't bothered, so the last day of school I asked her to sign my yearbook, and then I asked for her myspace, she said she didn't have any. Then she said actually she did have one, but she never got on, I said it was ok, and since she didn't offer any alternates, I took it like she didn't want a friendship or contact or anything. I was very curious to something her friend whispered on her ear as she signed my yearbook. Her friend (who was in the same class too) came and said something to her ear with like a weird gesture. Oh well, it was cool, cause I got tons of other people's (including girls) numbers and myspaces that day.

 

Anyway, I basically took the hint and forgot about her. Saw her and she saw me during my favorite teacher's birthday "party" where a bunch of students got together and we brought gifts and stuff, but I didn't pay much mind to it cause I was talking to some friends. Then I saw her the day of graduation this week, I saw her during the rehearsal and then during the real thing. Right after the rehearsal she was walking by me and I turned like you turn when people stare sometimes, and I smiled and she just turned away quickly like she used to always do and then she waved in my direction, but smiled looking the other way, and I'm guessing she wasn't waving at me. Hey, well at least she knew I wasn't mad, right? Then right before the actual graduation we had to wait in this hall thingy and she kept walking by where I was but not looking at me. I just went to talk to my friends and stuff.

 

My question is: Why would SHE act mad? At this point I don't care, and i know none of the above is a "positive sign". In fact, I'm not looking at signs. I'm just wondering, since this isn't the first time this happens to me, why would a girl act so oddly towards me after she was the one who rejected me? It happened to me last year with another girl (who acted the exact same way, which is why I never had a good vibe about this one either), and I always wondered what I'd done to make her mad. Except last year it was worse cause I actually got that girl's number... Saw myself forced to leave her a message, but she never called me back, so if anything I should've been the one mad at her. I forgot about it too and said hi once but she basically ignored me, so that was that... Anyway, why would THEY be mad?

[BlueWolf]

Well, not so quick... I don't care much, but it was very weird something that happened to me. Ok, there was this girl in one of my classes, and she had been there all year. I always found her attractive and stuff till I eventually developed a crush on her.

 

This has happened to me before also...

 

I sometimes got the impression she found me interesting, but sometimes it was the exact contrary (this is not the first time something like this happens to me, which is why I already knew the answer was gonna be "no" whenever I got to ask her out). So yeah I procrastinated big time, till finally one day before prom I asked her out to prom, lol. Well, she said she was already going with someone, and then I asked her if she was gonna be busy over the weekend and she said she was already seeing someone (duh, but at least I tried an alternate thingy/whatever). I said it was cool, and at the time when she was rejecting me, I thought she even looked flattered and she was all nice about it. And man, it felt good to finally have an answer.

 

Definitely - no matter what happens, just finding out your answer is better than anything else...

 

Then I noticed she started to like ignore me... really weird how it was that I was gonna try to wave hello and smile, but she didn't even look at me. Well, I figured I'd still like to be her friend or something or just to let her know I wasn't bothered, so the last day of school I asked her to sign my yearbook, and then I asked for her myspace, she said she didn't have any. Then she said actually she did have one, but she never got on, I said it was ok, and since she didn't offer any alternates, I took it like she didn't want a friendship or contact or anything. I was very curious to something her friend whispered on her ear as she signed my yearbook. Her friend (who was in the same class too) came and said something to her ear with like a weird gesture. Oh well, it was cool, cause I got tons of other people's (including girls) numbers and myspaces that day.

 

This has happened a number of times to me as well, and for the life of me I can't figure it out. I even laugh about it sometimes... you start to develop an interest in a girl, and as soon as she knows it, she avoids you like hell. It happens so many times that it actually is funny in a way! Since I've no idea how girls think when that happens and what the deal is, I've just gotta say that it is just a common trend with which you can't have a definitive conclusion as to what's going on. She could just not like you, or she could just be playing games (aka - hard to get), or she might actually be thinking that she's doing you a favor by not leading you on - Because you have to admit, some guys (I used to be like that), fall for even the smallest signs.

Now, the other way around, personally I don't go weird on girls I don't find attractive when they do like me. I just act natural. I don't try to avoid them, or for that matter, be extra friendly. I just stay consistent.

 

But again, that's a very common trend. Even my brother made some sarcastic jokes about it that when you try to get closer to a girl, she starts going all weird.

 

But you have to admit, it is kind of annoying (even when you are already over a girl) when you are just trying to be friendly and she still gives you no signs of friendship. Heh...

 

Anyway, I basically took the hint and forgot about her. Saw her and she saw me during my favorite teacher's birthday "party" where a bunch of students got together and we brought gifts and stuff, but I didn't pay much mind to it cause I was talking to some friends. Then I saw her the day of graduation this week, I saw her during the rehearsal and then during the real thing. Right after the rehearsal she was walking by me and I turned like you turn when people stare sometimes, and I smiled and she just turned away quickly like she used to always do and then she waved in my direction, but smiled looking the other way, and I'm guessing she wasn't waving at me. Hey, well at least she knew I wasn't mad, right? Then right before the actual graduation we had to wait in this hall thingy and she kept walking by where I was but not looking at me. I just went to talk to my friends and stuff.

 

My question is: Why would SHE act mad? At this point I don't care, and i know none of the above is a "positive sign". In fact, I'm not looking at signs. I'm just wondering, since this isn't the first time this happens to me, why would a girl act so oddly towards me after she was the one who rejected me? It happened to me last year with another girl (who acted the exact same way, which is why I never had a good vibe about this one either), and I always wondered what I'd done to make her mad. Except last year it was worse cause I actually got that girl's number... Saw myself forced to leave her a message, but she never called me back, so if anything I should've been the one mad at her. I forgot about it too and said hi once but she basically ignored me, so that was that... Anyway, why would THEY be mad?

 

I don't think they are mad - personally. You have to remember that it takes a lot to make the average person mad.

 

Maybe we should ask some of the girls on this forum why they do that. The answers might be different based on different people, but it happens way too often so there must be some general concept behind it.

[Stinkweed]

I don't think they are mad - personally. You have to remember that it takes a lot to make the average person mad.

 

I don't mean mad as in crazy (although what they do is indeed not normal) but more as in angry... That's what she seemed to be, angry or something. Oh well. I thought it was never gonna happen again, but damnit, it did. Maybe I should just start looking at another type of woman? I dunno if they're all gonna do that, though. It was a simple question! She gave me her answer, why keep remembering it? Couldn't we at least just go back to being regular classmates? It's not like I kept asking it over and over again all pushy and stuff. And it's not like I'm a pig without manners either. There's just some people I'll never understand...

[Stinkweed]

Hello? Any girls wanna give me some input before this thread passes on from the "front page"?

[BlueWolf]

I don't mean mad as in crazy (although what they do is indeed not normal) but more as in angry... That's what she seemed to be, angry or something. Oh well. I thought it was never gonna happen again, but damnit, it did. Maybe I should just start looking at another type of woman? I dunno if they're all gonna do that, though. It was a simple question! She gave me her answer, why keep remembering it? Couldn't we at least just go back to being regular classmates? It's not like I kept asking it over and over again all pushy and stuff. And it's not like I'm a pig without manners either. There's just some people I'll never understand...

 

Yup, that's what I meant (as in angry). Generally average people don't get angry at someone when they are asked out.

 

Again, the exact same thing happened to me this year. Go figure.

 

And yes, I would love to hear from the girls here as to why some do it.

[cranberry]

So a guy pursues & eventually asks out a girl. She doesn't like him like that(for whatever reason). She turns him down politely...and then the sudden ignoring begins. I think the sudden ignoring happens, because the girl doesn't know how to handle the situation now. I think part of it is she doesn't want to give you any signs that you might misinterpret and think that there is still hope--i.e., friendliness even in the form of friendship. So the girl probably thinks well if I ignore him, then I won't have to feel the guilt of having accidently led him on, and I won't have to reject him again. I don't think girls do the ignoring thing somuch on purpose, it just happens. The girl sees the guy the next day, doesn't really know how to handle the situation, still feels awkward about how he asked her out and she said no, and then ignoring seems like the easiest way to go.

And the other part of the whole ignoring thing, I think has to do with lack of maturity. As Bluewolf wrote, this (see below) is a mature way of handling the situation.

Now, the other way around, personally I don't go weird on girls I don't find attractive when they do like me. I just act natural. I don't try to avoid them, or for that matter, be extra friendly. I just stay consistent.

 

Also, the girl might be imagining something like, "Oh this guy seems to really like me a lot--aka too much", so by ignoring him, it will help him get over me.

So as you said you couldn't understand why a girl just can't remain friends with you, I think the problem is the girl doesn't know that you just want to be friends (and only friends). She can't tell if you really have moved on after she turned you down, and/or if you're settling for friends in hopes that one day she will change her mind.

[BlueWolf]

Well, thanks for the answer. Seems like a good explanation and is possible.

 

So, when something like this happens... what's a guy supposed to do? lol

[Stinkweed]

So, when something like this happens... what's a guy supposed to do? lol

 

Indeed, I'm intrigued. I know I, myself, would do just as BlueWolf said. In fact, I've done it already. I'm not gonna stop running away just cause she wants to be more than friends, because I do still wanna be friends. But I'm not gonna give her false signs either... So yeah... I'm intrigued to what I should do next time.

[Budman]

Why does it matter?

 

She's making a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

Prolly best you didn't go out.

 

Think of it as them saving you time and energy.

 

A no is better than a yes in many aspects.

 

Why is she being this way, cause she's not mature enough to accept something and move on?

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[cranberry]

Stinkweed, I think you handled the situation well already--you clearly got the message (after a while), shrugged it off, and it didn't stop you from talking to other girls about yearbook, myspace etc.

 

So to sum it up...what you should do if a situation like this happens again:

Well, for starters it's not the guy's fault if the girl starts the ignoring thing (Unless the guy is really weird, stalkerish, or something---but you weren't, so no worries there). Don't go out of your way to be super-nice to her--i.e., don't shout hi to her from accross a room party. If you bump into her or see her around, try not to act weird/uncomfortable, just be normal--say hi, maybe smalltalk but keep it short.

[Stinkweed]

If you bump into her or see her around, try not to act weird/uncomfortable, just be normal--say hi, maybe smalltalk but keep it short.

 

Sounds cool... I acted normally, when I saw her, but she acted weird. I mean, I myself didn't actually feel comfortable not talking to her again after I had asked her out. But Oh well... I guess in a way she made it easier, cause I didn't have to talk to her again (the short small talk part...).

 

And I agree with Budman. So, I was just wondering... I know I did nothing wrong. Well best wishes to everyone.