I feel so alone and empty.

[AzureSkyes69]

I have not felt this way for quite awhile about anyone and I am also afraid of rejection.

I lost my mother and grandmother(my grandmother this month) in a span of the last two years,I am also getting over a abusive & manipliatave relationship (I had someone who would ask me to make moves on them when I did I was pushed away and rejected,I was also hit on occasion (I hardly got any affection in that relationship I was lucky if I even got a hug sometimes).I am so in need of love,caring and affection (since I was always used to being shown it from my Mom,I was a only child) now I have nothing in my life my father is not an affectionate type to give me a hug.I feel so empty inside why do I crave so much love,attention & affection?

This guy I like is the only physical human contact (only hugs) I have gotten in so very long and he seems very affectionate and I believe I am in love with him (I have known him for over a year now).

I am not what he usually likes he like thin beautiful women and I am not thin at all.I am afraid he will only say he wants me as a friend.But I really adore him and I feel so frightened of what will or will not happen.

I have major pains from love and being hurt and a ache in my heart that never seems to go away.

I go to bed depressed and cry myself to sleep almost every night and think about how life used to be ...when I was happy,sometimes I even wish I was with my mother and gandmother.This guy is the only joy in my life at this time and the few miniutes I do spend with him I wish could last forever.

 

Please give me some insight to all this and why I need to be loved so badly.My life right now is lonley and depressing.

Thank You

[AwdreeHpburn]

Kleo - I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. And my condolences for your losses.

 

I hope that you don't attach too much to this guy right now. You are really in need of affection right now and may want to cling to him and will come to depend on that. If he ever leaves, you will be in a much worse place than you are now.

 

I suggest you go talk to a professional because what I think you need is independence. I think you need a high enuff self esteem to feel you can depend on yourself, count on yourself and be OK when you're BY yourself.

 

Of course losing your mother and grandmother is very traumatizing and you may be suffering a mild case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Its not exclusively for those who go thru war. We all find different things traumatizing.

 

These are just my opinions of course and based only on what you said, but my suggestion would be to go and talk to someone in a professional capacity.

[aporia14]

You poor thing! It seems to me as though you are still grieving, which is perfectly normal given the loss you've endured.

 

It is always hard to lose a loved one. But, I am a little worried about you and this guy. It may be that something is there but, please proceed with caution because you are still hurting and vulnerable. You don't want to start this relationship for the wrong reason.

 

It would help for you to get out and try doing things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. For me, I devote some time to my relatives doing things that they would like or enjoy. I also participated in fundraisers. When you go out you will make friends and it won't be so bad. If you feel comfortable try to surround yourself with friends and things to do. Sometimes it is hard because you may not want to intrude on your friends but, it does help.

 

I am in a relationship that has been through a lot of ups and downs and during these down times I remember feeling the way you just described. So, I do know the feeling. But, you have to be strong. Even though that is easier said than done, you have to fight the feeling. Take your time for yourself and work on getting YOU better. Cry when you need to--it is a good thing, it's part of healing.

 

Sometimes it might feel like the end of the world but, if you feel that way then, I'd like to encourage you to perhaps seek a therapist, just someone to talk to. It is always nice to know that someone is there to share these feelings with and you can ask them insightful questions like "why do you feel the way you do...". Therapy is very helpful. I see a therapist regularly. You don't have to go through this alone. All of us are here for you too....

 

Everything will be fine.

(BIG HUGG)

[Confessoress]

Hello Kleo. I feel very much for your situation. My Mum died a few years ago and she was very caring a showed me much affection, when she died I didn't receive that from anyone else anymore. I feel empty, lonely, shakey, scared and extremely sad. I needed to be hugged and needed affection, something that my Dad couldn't give.

 

I ended up hopping from relationship to relationship, all which were bad and I should of got out, but I desperately didn't want to be alone and needed affection. Don't go in this direction, it will destroy you in the long term and you'll end up with someone you don't really want to be with. It's very easy when you feel this vunerable to cling to people.

 

What I did was go to my Doctor and seek help. I was referred to a councillor, which helped a bit and gave me comfort, but still I felt bad. I was later referred to art theraphy, with a group of people and 1to1 sessions and I found that helpful.

 

I think the best thing you can do is go to your doctor. *Big big hugs*