I just don't undersatnd

[syborg]

In Januray, I met a beautiful filipina girl online and we instantly got on. We established a beautiful friendship, one sooo beautiful that neither of us pushed the b/f g/f relationship cos we want to wait until we meet before that. We chat almost every day, can tell each almost anything, and we both know how we feel about each other, even although neither of us needs to tell each other. Its like we are real soulmates. Its lovely

 

We were chatting two nights ago on MSN and when we were about to log off for the night, I sensed she had a problem. I asked her what was wrong, and eventually she opend to me what her problem was. I gave her some advice which she thanked me for, but then, she told me she might not be able to chat for a few days cos she wanted to be alone.

 

The next day, I logged onto MSN to chat to her and she came on to tell me she didn't want to chat, and wanted to be alone. I said I'd give her all the time she needed, but I needed to understand how she was feeling. She told me her problem had nothing to do with me and her, and everntually, after a bit of persuision, she sent me an e-mail detailing what was wrong, and she told me shw would e-mail me when she was ready to talk.

 

The problem is, I can't help taking this personally wheh she sais she needs time out for a while. The problems she describes have nothing to do with me and her, and while I am happy to give her time to think, I just don't understand why this problem requires her to AVOID me for any length of time.

 

We are not (yet) b/f and g/f, we do not owe each other anything, I completely sympathise with her situation and WANT TO HELP HER, but I can't understand why she wants a complete "no chat" "no phone calls" situation between us. I mean, we all have problems in life, but the only time i ever want to put distance between me and a friend / g/f is if I have a problem WITH that person.

 

I feel so paranoid, feel like she is shutting me out, One minute we were joking and laughin, and SUDDENLY she was like, "can't chat for a few days, need to get my head together"

 

I'm trying to be rational about this but all I can do is wait and wait and wait till she e-mails me. How long will this be ? This is killing me.

[Tigris]

It's her way of coping. Just give her time to get her head around the problem and I'm sure she'll be talking to you again soon.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This post made me feel a little uncomfortable.

 

Situations like this - when you meet someone you get involved with so intensely so early on, are generally not good ideas. There's a tendency for idealisation which ultimately leads to disappointment and/or Suffocation. I suspect it might be this which makes her want time away from you.

 

Soulmates...ouchy ouchy word. Be careful.

[syborg]

The relationship isn't "intense". Its natural, real, with no sense of false hopes or false promises. There is never a sense of trying to impress each other, or be who we ar not with each other. It feels so natural and true.

 

She made it clear to me that her problems had NOTHING to do with the relastionship. She made it clear it wasn't me. She confessed that she didn't tell me at 1st cos she didn't want me to get involved cos she feels its her problems for her to deal with.

 

Feeling uncomfortbale ? Can't use the word Soulmates ?

 

I'm not sure where you are coming from.

[nottoogreen]

Wait a week and see if she gets back to you. If she does not contact you again, move on. There is no need to contact her as she asked you for a break.

 

Dreaming about beautiful exotic filipina feels good, I am sure.

[monkey1]

Yeah, I don't get it. I mean we don't know what the problem is so it's hard to fully understand why she's acting like this. Maybe she's confused and just wants some time apart. If it's a serious problem, I can see how maybe it's hard being yourself and talking to a close friend when all you have on your mind is your problem.

 

I guess just give her time and see what happens.

[Iceman26]

I'm trying to be rational about this but all I can do is wait and wait and wait till she e-mails me. How long will this be ? This is killing me.

 

Don't wait. Get out and do other things besides sitting in front of the computer. Make HER contact YOU. She asked for this "break" not you.

 

This sounds a little shady to me. You haven't even met her in person and she is telling you she "needs time alone". You've got to be kidding me.

[syborg]

Her problems are not "serious" but more "confusing" for her becasue she is not sure which direction to go in her life. There is no "llife or death" situation but she is feeling down and depressed about something she wants to do but is unable to do. The surprising thing is, she has opened all of this to me before so what makes "this time" so different ? this is what I don't get. We all have problems, I have many, and yes, I want to be alone sometimes, but NOT to the point that I want to excldue those closest to me from my life.

 

The 1st thing she said on her e-mail was that she was sorry that I felt so hurt and she wanted to assure me that her problems were nothing to do with our relationship.

[Iceman26]

We all have problems, I have many, and yes, I want to be alone sometimes, but NOT to the point that I want to excldue those closest to me from my life.

 

I agree with you completely, which is why I found it shady for her to do this. Even if I am wrong and it isn't shady, she doesn't sound like someone ready to have a relationship if that is the way she deals with conflict.

[syborg]

We "bumped" into each other online last night (in an online game) and we chatted. She said that she didn't want to burden me with her problems cos she knows I have enough of my own and was trying to protect our relationship cos she was worried that I would go off her if she chatted about problems all the time. When I told her I'd stand by her no matter what, she was like "really" wow and sounded greatful. She was clearly happy to speak to me and didn't try to evade any questions or get moody so I think she is ok....i hope so.

[syborg]

Everything seems fine now. We chatted on Saturday, and mostly all day on Sunday on MSN. She thanked me for helping her open up and told me that I really helped her and nobody has ever made her feel like this before, ie being able to open up and face her problems. She said when she saw I was online in the online game, she wanted to say "Hi" but felt nervous and shy cos of what she had said before and then said she was Sorry. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to ME, she just wanted to sort out her issues without being a burden on me and was trying to protect our relationship, not drive a wedge between it.

[Confessoress]

That's good to hear syborg. But please, for your sake be careful with your heart, keep a little bit back in case it doesn't work out. At lest until you meet her.

 

I was in a relationship with a Filipino for 3 years. Be sure that her problems don't stem down to something to do with her family. Filipino's generally speaking have very close family ties.