Advice appreciated, girl who doesn't like romance? [long read]

[newzealand]

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[itsallgrand]

lol. This is cute, and not a serious crisis.

 

I can give you my perspective. I get where the girl is coming from, 'cause I'm like that too. So maybe I can shed some light.

 

When she says "call when you want to", she probably means simply that. I think the reason you are getting some backing-down type behavior is because she may feel pressured to return the romantic attentions you are sending in equal measure. She has stated that isn't her thing so much.

 

Are you okay with not receiving the same from her?

I doubt she will change (and if she started it up it would be to please you only).

Maybe some comprimise and talk is needed: like if you need a few more sweet things send your way, and she would like a little less or something different, you could come up with a middleway that pleases you both.

 

Honestly, I bet she does enjoy hearing from you and all these sweet gestures. Maybe tone it down a little tho? The flowers seemed a bit 'much' to her, so just take it in stride.

 

You sending all these emails calls etc. seem to be more about what you like than her. I hope that comes accross the way I mean it. It's not 'bad': your style of romancing and missing her. It just seems to be more for your pleasure than hers at this point. So I'd bear that in mind.

 

Anyhow, it sounds like the two of you otherwise have a very sweet wonderful relationship. Don't stress too much about this, enjoy!

[Jjasonn28]

Hey man.

 

My initial reaction is this. It is still fairly early in your relationship with her, no matter how in love you both may feel. Just ease things up a bit, as bombarding her may just push her away. I understand completely that doing romantic things for her is something you enjoy. I am a hopeless romantic myself, and if there is anything better than seeing a smile resulting in a gesture from the heart... i have yet to find it.

 

I think she is just being... breezy. Casual. I am sure she appreciates your gestures, but too much too quick can have a negative effect. What you should do, is send a sweet email, but not two a day. Offer her something, and then withdrawl. Keep her guessing.

 

Another thing... romance can mean different things to different people. I have been in relationships with women who both claim to be romantics, yet have complete OPPOSITE ideas of what romance is. On one hand, a previous girlfriend couldn't get enough gifts. Flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry... taking her out... I dare to say she was a material girl, but not really. (She never asked for a diamond On the other hand, my last girlfriend enjoyed subtleness. A surprise note in her coat pocket. A conversation over coffee. She wasn't a fan of receiving flowers, and didn't believe in valentines day. But write her a card on any day other than a holiday, and she would cry.

 

What you may consider romantic, she might consider a little overboard. Im not saying its the case, but its a possibility. Some girls love the attention, some girls may thing is needy. But like I said, because you are in the early stages of this relationship, I think doing too much can be more detrimental than doing too little.

 

Good luck.

[Tigris]

How old are you two?

 

I remember when my 1st boyfriend sent me some flowers to work on my birthday. I was only 16 at the time and I was terribly embarrassed. I'm wondering if she felt that way too?

[newzealand]

Thank you for your reflections.

[Arielle]

I had to giggle a bit when I read this post. After I met my ex he went overseas and we were just casually sending emails back and forth. Then all of a sudden one Monday morning I opened my Inbox and found seven emails from him! I was a bit overwhelmed but mostly I thought it was kind of funny, but sweet, too.

 

I couldn't possibly take the time to answer everything he brought up in all of his messages. I responded that I couldn't send back the same quantity in return, but I also told him I appreciated every message he sent me. He never asked if he was sending me too much, but I felt if it made him happy, I wasn't going to ask him to stop.

 

I think I'm fairly intuitive. But there are times, just like what you are going through now, where I would really appreciate some feedback. Some people aren't used to the direct approach and tend to shrink back. At that point it can get frustrating because you have to use trial and error tactics to see what the other person likes. I guess that's the only advice I can give, which I admit isn't much to go by.

 

It's tough to figure out the ground rules when a relationship first starts, and I hope the two of you get everything sorted out. Once a couple gets the parameters set, things become a lot easier after that.

[Moonlight80]

Hello

 

I understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I too, felt like that with my ex. No... that's not why he's my ex... lol.

 

He was very romantic too and I had never had that in my relationships. So, I felt like I had to do the same in order to respond to his actions. Which I loved... the flowers, teh txt, the emails, the cards. It was all so beautiful. But when you're not used to it... it's hard because you don't know how to respond back. She might feel like that.

 

Try to think of ways to ease her into it. Don't come accross as too romantic aor no romance at all. Romance is beautiful. She just has to get used to it. Deep down, she is loving it.

 

More men should follow your steps...

 

Good luck

[byates5637]

I think everything is fine between you too.

 

But it might not be fine for long if you keep acting like this. Your insecurites are oozing out of you. Do not ask her what she wants so much! Do not ask her when you should call or if you should email her. Just simply do it or don't do it. And then read her signals! You dont need to ask her about it all the time.

 

And next time you have a really good conversation with her wait a few days before calling back! Let her wonder a little bit.

 

But i think you are mostly doing fine besides what i said.

[newzealand]

Thanks for the advice again.

[haley999]

I think you are obsessing WAAAAAAY too much and it may be freaking her out. I myself am NOT a sentimentalist (I prefer that word to romantic). I do not need constant reassurance that the other is feeling so "lovey" all the time. Why is it not enough for you when she tells you she misses you and loves you? Why the need for the "big"gesture? Why do you need more than one "love you."

 

You are expecting her to act just like you and that's not fair. It also seems to me that you are doing these things for her so that she will reciprocate - not because you are being truly generous. She told you what SHE doesn't need. She is secure in her fellings for you and in your feelings for her. No need to go overborad.

 

Also, the contact seems way too much for such a short relationship where both people are traveling. It seems like you contact her 2-3 times a DAY. That would freak me out. Give her some space and don't make her feel obligated to talk several times a day, respond to e-mails and texts, and send flowers. She's on holiday! I don't think mildly obsessive contact and consistently pushing her to and wanting her to say more than one is "romantic" - it seems creepy.

 

Romance is generousity - loving the person for who they are and trying to make them happy by giving them what THEY want - not because you expect them to return the favor.

[newzealand]

Thanks for you view, Haley, although I think you've misunderstood a bit.

[newzealand]

All is good