I'm totally nuts

[jabele]

I really am.

 

I worry about unreasonable things -- things that are so freaking unlikely, but I get so freaked out.

 

I hooked up with a guy tonight, though I wasn't planning on it...I went down on him not because I really wanted to, but because I know he wanted it...in any event, I was so scared I got a disease or something I couldn't even really talk to him after...luckily I was able to talk to my friend and he told me how unlikely it is I would have gotten something, but without that, I would have dwelled. Before I started on my meds, I dwelled on a similar experience for a full year...day in and day out I worried!!!

 

Enter Antidepressants...I stopped worrying so much about things...

 

But, the thing is, I'm not sure if that affected my interest in being sexual (in any sense, including kissing) with anyone after...because I feel I may have just shut myself off from it all. I'm playing my own therapist here, I really don't know...

 

Am I equating any form of sexual encounter with bad times making me not want to start, or be involved once involved, in any form of sexual-type encounter?

 

I wish I understood myself...

[alteer]

Why did you go down on him if you didn't really want to?

 

You should never do anything just because someone else wants you to.

 

If I'm right in understanding your post.....I would think that if your doing sexual things that you don't really want to be doing then that would have an impact on how you view these encounters.

[Tigris]

I was going to ask the same question alteer.

[jabele]

I guess I felt bad because I didn't want to leave him with blue balls or whatever...

 

I would have felt bad...which is sort of weird, because I usually am pretty good with saying "no" to sexual things when I feel uncomfortable...

 

When I do these things I fear that I'm setting up a chain reaction - and that in the future I'll be wary of encounters for fear of being put in a position I don't really want to be in..

[nottoogreen]

I really am.

 

I worry about unreasonable things -- things that are so freaking unlikely, but I get so freaked out.

 

I hooked up with a guy tonight, though I wasn't planning on it...I went down on him not because I really wanted to, but because I know he wanted it...in any event, I was so scared I got a disease or something I couldn't even really talk to him after...luckily I was able to talk to my friend and he told me how unlikely it is I would have gotten something, but without that, I would have dwelled. Before I started on my meds, I dwelled on a similar experience for a full year...day in and day out I worried!!!

Disease no likely, but why you had sex with im in the first place?

 

What were you thinking?

Enter Antidepressants...I stopped worrying so much about things...

Depression is mental pain. Pain is designed to make people change. Please _remember_ that and be acutely aware of it.

 

Antidepressants are not toys, antidepressants may help you _temporarily_ but will _hurt_ you if you not change your attitude as your brain will program itself to compensate for them. I experienced that on myself.

But, the thing is, I'm not sure if that affected my interest in being sexual (in any sense, including kissing) with anyone after...because I feel I may have just shut myself off from it all. I'm playing my own therapist here, I really don't know...

Please understand the way you did _to_ _yourself_ you can't like sex and do not like yourself too much either

Am I equating any form of sexual encounter with bad times making me not want to start, or be involved once involved, in any form of sexual-type encounter?

Any kind? - have you ever had anything other than above kind of fling?

 

Flings are useless unless you enjoy sex in itself - that is have proper orgasms. Few experienced mature woman can do that first shot with a new guy... and it depends a lot on the guy too (always, not just first time of course).

 

If you let someone use your body (for wanking as you got nothing out of it), you really hurt yourself! Please think about it and do not do it again.

I wish I understood myself...

 

IMHO, you are not ready for sex at all, and if you think about it why should you?

 

Good sex as a great part of a loving ralationship and you have to build that relationship.

 

Bad sex breaks women much more than men.

[jabele]

but why you had sex with im in the first place?

 

Just to clarify -- I didn't *have sex* with him -- but I did go down on him.

 

Depression is mental pain. Pain is designed to make people change. Please _remember_ that and be acutely aware of it

 

Also, I never had depression -- I have anxiety/OCD...however, worrying all the time had the effect of making me depressed. I don't think I'm really depressed anymore, but I'm still somewhat of an anxious person...though not nearly as bad as I used to be...

[alteer]

I guess I felt bad because I didn't want to leave him with blue balls or whatever...

 

I don't know why you would have felt bad?

 

jabele I'm just wondering if this is the same guy as in this thread? - He's coming over but I question his intentions

 

Because if so...in all honestly you didn't sound that interested in him. What intentions were you questioning? If it was that he only wanted sex.....well what can I say - you've gone and proven that you can be used that way......and have probably now given him that idea yourself.

[jabele]

Alteer, yeah it was the same person. I did question his motives from the get-go because I wanted to go out and do something, not just do a stay in the apartment and drink wine thing which is what he asked to do -- and has in the past but I was busy...

 

I would be interested in him if I didn't think he was just in for sex...which, given certain things about him, I think was all he was looking for. He even told me afterwards he doesn't want a relationship with anyone...big freaking surprise.

[alteer]

I don't want to sound harsh here, I'm only thinking of your well being, but I'm going to give you some advice.

 

I have always been the type of person who learns everything the hard way....until I sat down and took a good hard look at myself. And that wasn't until I was almost 30.

 

These are the things I learnt:

 

1. Never do anything YOU are uncomfortable with. Who cares what anything else thinks. Your self respect is more important.

2. Learn how to say no. You don't have to please everyone in the world and even if you tried, it's just not possible. Learn how to please yourself first.

3. Always follow your gut. If something doesn't feel right..then chances are it isn't.