NC for mutual friends of ex and you?

[searching1951]

Here's the problem. Many of my good friends are also good friends of my ex..in fact, many are her professional colleagues. They are all well intentioned, but I am in no place to hear about her. I don't want to hear "X asked about you the other day." (Think about that: she know's they know me and she would look bad in their eyes not showing concern for me, especially since she brutally dumped me..so to look good in their eyes she askes about me..it has NOTHING to do with me!)

 

The worst aspect of this is that I am struggling to maintain strict NC, but the mutual friends are telling her "He is in such a pathetic, lonely, miserable state..he is so sad..we all hope he'll get over it soon..." This undermines the whole purpose of NC. NC is to cut off all information. It serves some hope to the NCer that by a redefinition of oneself may make one more attractive to people, and, possibly, to the ex (whether this happens or not, it is an incentive to maintain NC). It is intended to show strength, not weakness and neediness. The mutual friends are undermining this by painting a picture of the lowly needy dumpee. For every rotten day I spend in NC, these people are negating a week with comments like these. They are well meaning, but there might as well be no NC with any contact info being propagated to the ex.

 

So, I am temporarily backing away from these people as well with mutual friend NC. A polite reason (too busy at work) is given, and I won't seek them out until I am back on my feet. Then, when stronger, I'll recoonect and they'll tell her "Saw Y yesterday and he's doing well..he's dating a lovely girl..."

 

Of course, one could say "forget the ex, go NC for yourself, and don't bother what people are telling her." I don't agree with this. NC is to define a boundary for a person in their own mind, and in the minds of others. This sort of mutual friend gossip negates the second element of this.

 

NC for one and all.

[notanymore]

i vouch for NC myself but am in the same dilemma as you, have a common set of friends,though i still have a month to go n join college again, i m bracing myself up for the situation,even i had friends mention her name and i go down in dumps again,

 

help anyone,pls

 

NC is great

[stolenshadow]

searching1951, you could also talk to your friends and ask them to not mention your ex to you, a simple "I'm not interested in anything related to her so let's chance the subject please" can't hurt.

That way you wouldn't have to stop talking to your friends.

 

But, whatever you think will work in doing NC is good.

[eyeswideopen]

Real friends won't bring it up either. If they know you're pretty down about it, a real friend would say things to take your mind off it, not keep your mind on it. I'd NC the "friends" too.

[tushboy]

I cant NC common friends.....they r my support system...what do i do ?