Crowding my gf

[trash mail]

hi,

I am having the same problem, as this post but i didnt want to hijack it.

obsessed with relationship U]

 

i just keep thinking and thinking about my gf. I am having a very hard time trying to stop fussing over her. I find it especially hard when i feel she doesnt give me the attention need, i feel like she loves me less. I feel that she isnt commited to the relationship.

 

I just feel that it is consuming me!

 

How do i stop this. I have tried but in myself i feel as if i am tearing her away from me. I have literalling deleted all her phone number and email just to stop myself from calling, IM'ing or sms'ing her. It has worked but not in a good way, i become distant (as if it hate her) and it doesnt do any good for the relationship.

 

I know to her i am high maintaince, she did try to end it once be she came back to me. (i didnt beg, i let her go) She knows she loves me and i love her but i can be to 'needy' or 'easy'.

 

Somehow i have to stop this obsession.

 

Can Someone help me???

[robowarrior]

Yes, Love must be "unconditional" you are trapped in all your own high demands and standards, lower your standards and demands and things will go much much easier on you.

 

What is the problem, ' your expectance for her to give you love' , this is wrong because you are layering her with all kinds of conditions. What you should realise is that its 'giving love' which is the blessing. Not the receiving , i have no idea if this woman is your ex or not , but she is human not wonder woman who you can put up all those rediculous expectations on. Humbleness would suit you good, less expectations = more happyness for you.

[Lynn.Schmitt]

I have the same problem. I know how it feels; it feels terrible. I agree with the person above; it's a great evaluation of the situation, but to us, it really doesn't feel like that.

 

I feel needy too; like I care for someone way too much way too fast and it sort of makes them feel odd. I know my last boyfriend... he didn't complain about my "neediness" but he would 'complain' that he never had someone love him so much and devot so much time and attention to him; who would make such a big fuss over him. He sort of thought it was weird.

 

But that's just how I am. I enjoy giving my full attention to my partner; devoting my time all to them. And I see men (like you) who do it and some of my friends' boyfriends and I think "Gosh, we would be so compatible, especially because of this 'neediness'".

 

But I talked to an old high school teacher who said that each person has a role in the relationship. 1 person is always the chaser and the other is always being chased; that there is no real 'equal balance' of chasing and being chased. I always just figured I might find a 'needy' man who would suit me just perfect. I guess I'm not doing much to help, but I just wanted to let you know that you are most definitely not alone! ...hence enotalone, I suppose.

[trash mail]

Thank You Robowarrior!!

You have saved us again with your good solid advice!

I will try you advice and a new perspective

[Momene]

At the start of the relationship my wife and I were both needy, so it did have the balance you say can't happen. I'd say she's more needy than I am by nature but for the last 2 years the roles have reversed and I don't feel comfortable with it. My daughter gives me a lot of company but, like I tell a lot of younger people (!!), I don't have many friends and my big regret is that I stopped seeing friends when we got married. It's one reason I chat online a lot. I sometimes go to astronomy sessions or have a beer with friends from work but we're talking about once a month.

 

The way to combat neediness is to develop friendships and interests but I'm not pretending it's all that easy. For example, I don't have money to go out for beers twice a week.

[Skippy]

Robowarrior,

Why is it that i put all these expectations? i dont understand y we do it? how how do i remove these expectations without removing the woman the i love from my life? (not an ex, current)

I get so frustrated trying to do it, that i figured that i am doing something wrong.

[Jason333]

I have the same problem as well. I want to see and talk her everyday, and every time we meet, I want her to stay longer. I feel like I'm needy, but I just thought it's part of the love. Don't you want to see your gf more? I think I fell a lot faster than my gf, because I'm always the one wanting to see her, but I thought that's normal. I also get frustrated when she doesn't give me the attention I need.

 

I do have high expectations and sometimes expect her to act a certain way -- normal things, like expecting her to see me more, expect her to call me, things most girls do. It's hard for me, because she's not like the typical "needy" girl, and she hardly meets my expectations. Like robowarrior says, "Love must be "unconditional" you are trapped in all your own high demands and standards, lower your standards and demands and things will go much much easier on you." I try not to expect so much, but some things are just natural, like expect her to see me once in a while or expecting her to be happy to see me. *sigh*