Do you think there'd be any way I could get proof that it's possible for women...

[DN]

What was your relationship like with your father?

 

And your mother?

 

Do you have older or younger siblings? If yes, what is your relationship with them like?

 

When you talk to people, especially new people, are you usually the one to break eye contact first, even if only for a brief instant?

[Ross_K]

No, I wasn't bullied at school. I wasn't accepted by most of the popular guys but I wasn't at the lowest level with the geeks either.

 

1 Only Alpha males get hit on by the girls, you need to be more of an Alpha male. Don't expect women to come to you until you have something they want.

 

Really? I hope so, that'd actually explain a lot of things. I think I'll make a topic on this.

 

2 Gut?? it's your worst enemy. It won't turn out good until you decide to set yourself up to actually talk to a girl, get rejected, learn then keep trying. You will not make out on every attempt, nobody does. We learn to shrug it off when it happens.

 

Absolutley not, everyone should listen to their gut, most of the time it's going to be right over logic. Ever heard the expression 'Do what you feel'? 'Follow your heart'? 'Go with what feels right'?

 

Those feelings are there for a reason, and it's your brain telling you something which you're not logically aware of.

 

 

3 Guess what, you need to learn how to be bold and walk up to women 1st. Pick girls you aren't really interested in so you won't care about the outcome and keep practicing while working your way up to what you really want in a woman after the confidence building you got from the others.

 

When I've got some things sorted out in my life first, I'll try.

[Daddy Bear]

As for victory as in getting a women, it'd be amazing, I'd feel like a near enough dead plant being given water and bursting back to life, it'd be so good for my well being, I'd feel so happy.

 

Inside right now I just feel shriveled up and dead. If just once a woman would desire me, if just once I could actually have a woman and put my arms round her. And yes of course I really need the sex too.

luckily, you're not a plant and you have feet. but you have to get them wet in order to come back to life.

 

[momentarily ponders odd play on words...]

 

anyway... why wait for the boldness to come first when it's the getting out there and taking swings (baseball metaphor) that will bring you both that and the love that you so badly need?

 

learn to dance, you take a few wrong steps. talk to girls, you get a few cutting remarks. life goes on.

 

and damn it, Ross--you WILL succeed!!

[Ross_K]

anyway... why wait for the boldness to come first when it's the getting out there and taking swings (baseball metaphor) that will bring you both that and the love that you so badly need?

 

I need to work on some other things first (you know, what I told you in PM), but yes, 'getting out there' more and making some moves and everything is what I'm trying to work towards.

 

DN, things are getting a little too personal for this topic so I'll answer your post in PM.

[MacGyverRI]

No, I wasn't bullied at school. I wasn't accepted by most of the popular guys but I wasn't at the lowest level with the geeks either.

 

 

HEY!!! watch the Geek slams! I was a Geek, probably still am to an extent.....

 

 

If you fit in with/talked with at least 40-50% of the people? that's more proof that there's nothing wrong with your social skills or looks. Class acceptance and social order is awful at times when you're in school.

[Ross_K]

HEY!!! watch the Geek slams! I was a Geek, probably still am to an extent.....

 

 

If you fit in with/talked with at least 40-50% of the people? that's more proof that there's nothing wrong with your social skills or looks. Class acceptance and social order is awful at times when you're in school.

 

Hmmm, it's really hard to tell, I think I fitted in with and talked too anything from 10% to 40%, I think. With a lot of those people though, I think I did have a lower social status.

[MacGyverRI]

2 Gut?? it's your worst enemy. It won't turn out good until you decide to set yourself up to actually talk to a girl, get rejected, learn then keep trying. You will not make out on every attempt, nobody does. We learn to shrug it off when it happens.

 

Absolutley not, everyone should listen to their gut, most of the time it's going to be right over logic. Ever heard the expression 'Do what you feel'? 'Follow your heart'? 'Go with what feels right'?

 

Those feelings are there for a reason, and it's your brain telling you something which you're not logically aware of.

 

.

 

 

Actually, You listen to your "gut" from past experience, but since "you" have no experience in this area and as such "your" gut is talking about a fantasy you want!

 

 

Your brain plays "tricks" on you until the experience is there to guide it.

 

Did you ever hear this expression? "A Doctor who heals himself has a fool for patient!"

 

 

............

1 Only Alpha males get hit on by the girls, you need to be more of an Alpha male. Don't expect women to come to you until you have something they want.

 

Really? I hope so, that'd actually explain a lot of things. I think I'll make a topic on this.

..............

 

Yes, really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we all know it and thats why you have received so many responses about finding interestes to attract women.

 

 

Think like a woman for a bit, what do you offer her?

 

She also has no clue what the answers are to these because YOU haven't spotlighted anything to anyone because you won't talk to anyone yet.

 

Good in bed?

Nice guy? tons of them.

Great cook?

Expensive car to flaunt your income?

2+ Degrees and a high IQ?

Movie star?

Athlete?

Explorer or innovative science leader?

Artist?

Craftsman?

etc etc.

 

There is one sure thing she does think about you and it's that you could be like the last 10 scumbag/date raping/low lifes she has dated.

[MacGyverRI]

Hmmm, it's really hard to tell, I think I fitted in with and talked too anything from 10% to 40%, I think. With a lot of those people though, I think I did have a lower social status.

 

You missed the point AGAIN lol 20%+ is fine, 30-40% is really good 70%+ and you were the school mascot or Prom Queen/Cheerleader or a stud banging everyone in sight.....

 

 

Social status? You were NOT a loner or social outcast in school and you did associate w/ a diverse group of people. You will succeed in this more than most people.

[Daddy Bear]

I need to work on some other things first (you know, what I told you in PM), but yes, 'getting out there' more and making some moves and everything is what I'm trying to work towards.

 

*re-reads PM*

 

oh, yeah. get your ducks in a row, for sure. but those aren't problems, just chores...

[DN]

Ross, I suspect you may never change your ways, you are too comfortable with who you are now. That does not mean you are happy, you are clearly not. But the effort of moving from where you are in your life to where you think you should be is too scary for you to contemplate.

 

So it is easier for you to come on here and complain about your situation than to make the necessary changes because that would mean you have to venture out into unfamiliar and thereforeeee frightening and threatening territory. You are safe where you are. It is similar to agoraphobia.

 

I think the time has come for you to realise that only you can make that change in your life. No advice on here will help you unless you can decide to take that 'leap of faith' that is required.

[Ross_K]

You're right, but I am trying to make a change in my life. I'm slowly working towards it now.

[DN]

Well, speed it up a bit, Ross, time and tide wait for no man.

[MacGyverRI]

You're right, but I am trying to make a change in my life. I'm slowly working towards it now.

 

Slowly? no, speed it up and start now no matter what!!!

 

 

Go out for a , listen to some and find some to \\ with.

[Ross_K]

I can't jump straight into the deep end. I need to take things at my own pace which I'm comfortable with.

[MacGyverRI]

I can't jump straight into the deep end. I need to take things at my own pace which I'm comfortable with.

 

Yes you can but you need to take the 1st steps or buy me a plane ticket, $200 a day for expenses and I'll come over and show you how it's done.

 

Comfortable and at your own pace is where you have been all your life and you wouldn't be asking advice about it if you like it!

 

The assignment is for you to go out and just talk to women and you will fail miserably at first so you really don't need to prepare anything to hear the initial "no" because that is exactly what they will say. The plus side is that you may even hear yes sooner than you think.

 

Did you ride a bicycle perfectly the first time? No, you fell on your face, we all did.

[Ross_K]

Comfortable and at your own pace is where you have been all your life and you wouldn't be asking advice about it if you like it!

 

It hasn't because it's only recently where I've actually been procative in making a change. (My life and other aspects, not approaching girls)

 

The assignment is for you to go out and just talk to women and you will fail miserably at first so you really don't need to prepare anything to hear the initial "no" because that is exactly what they will say. The plus side is that you may even hear yes sooner than you think.

 

I'm not too sure if there's any point though, once I've sorted stuff out. I can just meet women off the net.

[Budman]

Comfortable and at your own pace is where you have been all your life and you wouldn't be asking advice about it if you like it!

 

It hasn't because it's only recently where I've actually been procative in making a change. (My life and other aspects, not approaching girls)

 

The assignment is for you to go out and just talk to women and you will fail miserably at first so you really don't need to prepare anything to hear the initial "no" because that is exactly what they will say. The plus side is that you may even hear yes sooner than you think.

 

I'm not too sure if there's any point though, once I've sorted stuff out. I can just meet women off the net.

 

Personally comfortable and at my own pace didn't work for me.

 

I had to throw my damn * * * into the frying pan and dance!

[MacGyverRI]

I'm too sure if there's any point though, once I've sorted stuff out. I can just meet women off the net.

 

 

Most serious women online who are interested in actually dating someone will want to meet face to face in 2-3 emails and a phone call. They want to be sure they're not wasting their time. Projecting yourself in person is where you need help.

 

You can't keep hiding online.

[Ross_K]

Most serious women online who are interested in actually dating someone will want to meet face to face in 2-3 emails and a phone call. They want to be sure they're not wasting their time. Projecting yourself in person is where you need help.

 

You can't keep hiding online.

 

I know, but I'll be able to project myself a lot easier with a woman that I've met for a date, instead of having to go up to some random stranger. I guess going up to strangers will still help with meeting women for a date, but maybe just keeping on meeting women for dates (unless I meet one and something develops) will help it's self.

[Cadence308]

This guy said it best:

Go out for a , listen to some and find some to \\ with.

 

Internet dating can be a drag. You never know that the other person is who they say they are, for sure. If you email for too long then usually one person loses interest. Then it's all a waste.

 

I'm not sure what your interests are, but join a club or take a class doing something you love then you will meet other women with similar interests. Those who are trying so hard to find a date get frustrated trying. You will meet someone great when you STOP trying so hard and just be yourself and it will be when you least expect it. Go on with your life, enjoy the things you love doing, and it will happen.

[alteer]

As for the toastmasters, it's something I'll look into.

 

*EDIT*

 

I've had a look on the net but the nearest ones are around 18 miles away. Do you go to it once a week or something?

 

Lol@McGuyver, he's been replying to my post now for 15 minutes, thinking of the comebacks must be hurting his brain.

 

Meetings are held twice a month normally. But if you can only make once a month it's better than nothing. Seriously Toastmasters is such a powerful thing...and it's helps so many people to overcome shyness.

 

People join for so many reasons....mainly to increase their confidence.

 

I joined for that reason and to learn how to be comfortable talking to people.

I've been a member for a few years now and before I joined the thought of speaking infront of a group scared the beejesus out of me.....seriously I thought death was a much better option.

 

But I now do regular public speaking events......infront of 500 people. Not a problem. And people who know me are always commenting on how well I now carry myself and how confident I am.

 

Seriously Ross give it a go. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

 

Believe in yourself and the world will too.

[pablovblack]

Where in the UK are you living bud?

[Ross_K]

I'm originally from Manchester but now I'm living in Broadclough.

[MacGyverRI]

I'm originally from Manchester but now I'm living in Broadclough.

 

How far is it to Manchester? move back, there are tons of places lol

 

It seems the going rate in the UK is from 3-8 UKP per lesson, a budget breaker?

 

 

Dance studios in Manchester

 

* Redz Dance Club Redz Dance Club, One The Old School House, Old Barton Road, Urmston, Manchester M41 7LF

Tel: 0845 200 8234

Email: email removed Website: link removed

 

* Atherton Dance Centre 6 Bullough Street, Atherton, Manchester, M46 0DL. Tel 01942 255750/888711, Fax 01942 255750

Website: link removed

 

* Candy Club 93 Manchester Rd., Burnley, Lancashire, BB11 1JZ. Tel. 01282 424 098

 

* Connections Dance Centre 751 Stockport Road, Levenshulme, Manchester phone: 0161-226-5665 - Bob Gibson

 

* Dance Actions Spring Gardens, Cheapside, Middleton, Manchester M24 6DQ tel 0161-655-3929 or 0966 414218 e-mail email removed Website link removed

 

* Dance Emporium 1 Bowden St., Denton, Manchester, Lancashire, M34 2AB. Tel. 0161 320 7006

 

* Danceland 55 Bridgewater St., Little Hulton, Manchester, Lancashire, M38 9ND. Tel. 0161 703 9577

 

* Flixton Dance Studio Curzon Building, Urmston, Manchester. Telephone 0161 748 5994 email email removed website link removed

 

* Steppin Out Dance Centre Gorse St.,Stretford, Manchester, M32 0HZ. Tel. 0161 865 1443. Contact: Mark Rowbottom. Website link removed

 

* The Dance Emporium 1 Bowden Street, Denton, Manchester, M34 2AB Email: email removed

 

* Wellocks Dance Club 3 Braemar av Urmston M416HP. Tel 0161 748 6140 contact: Brenda Spoors.

 

 

 

 

Dance studio links to every area in the UK

link removed

 

 

*EDIT*

 

What kind of music do you like?

[Ross_K]

Manchester's miles away (around 18 ) it just feels like way too much hassel, I'd have to get on two different buses there and two different buses back and be waiting at bus stops and traveling for ages.

 

As for the music I like, I like a lot of the old rave, 80's, early 90's and a bit of everything else.