Imagining them with someone else.

[pablovblack]

Now I've done a lot of reading here in the past few days, and many great posts have really helped me out in certain areas of overcoming a break up, posts by the great SuperDave and Mix Maxter, Ive learned how to not beat myself up over the thought that its all my fault and to stop dwelling on what I have done in the past and that It can't be corrected now and also the reason you did it was because you did not know you was doing anything wrong at the time. You can only learn and apply your failures to the future no matter what outcome you have.

 

 

 

This has helped me immensley.

 

But what is the hardest part for me to get my head round is the thought of some other guy trying to score with my ex, it absolutely destroys me to think about it, Knowing that some other guy is going to be allowed his chance, when I know now if I had that same chance It would be all good.

 

Does anyone have any experience of how to actually overcome, dare I say a little bit of jealousy and the thought of your loved one with someone else. I think this is the hardest thing for me to get my head and self around.

 

We have been broken up 5 weeks, She told me she still loved me 2 and a half weeks ago, I have recently started No Contact.

 

Any thoughts?

[Caterina]

Its going to take a lot of time...have you tried to win her back? If she doesn't want you back, its time to move on. I've dealt with jealousy, but you have to realize that at this point there is nothing you can do about it...they've made their decision.

[Süsser Tod]

But what is the hardest part for me to get my head round is the thought of some other guy trying to score with my ex, it absolutely destroys me to think about it, Knowing that some other guy is going to be allowed his chance, when I know now if I had that same chance It would be all good.

 

 

I understand where you are coming from, and here is the problem, if you had the chance, it wouldn't be all good. You already tried it, and it didn't worked, that is why she is no longer your girlfriend.

 

You'll be able to deal with it once you finally accept that the relationship didn't worked and that you weren't mean to be a couple.

[RayKay]

Hey pablov,

 

Yeah, that is indeed a hard aspect to get over when going through a breakup. Some have no choice as their ex ends up flaunting the new one in their face pretty early, others can remain in denial or "naive" to it for a long time!

 

I think though, it is one of those things you have to kind of not let have power over you. When you start imagining it, you have to not spend your time focusing on it. There is no magic for it. You are still getting over the relationship where you had that natural instinct to protect your partner and keep them away from other guys...lol. It is natural it is still there.

 

All I can say is often, when it does happen, when you do find they are with someone else for example, it often is not as bad as you thought it would be. In some ways....it helps you move on faster. Not saying it won't hurt, but it does motivate you to move forward in my experience at least. I mean fact is that others WILL have opportunity with her now too, but other women will in time (as you heal!) have opportunity with YOU too.

 

-RayKay

[pablovblack]

I understand where you are coming from, and here is the problem, if you had the chance, it wouldn't be all good. You already tried it, and it didn't worked, that is why she is no longer your girlfriend.

 

You'll be able to deal with it once you finally accept that the relationship didn't worked and that you weren't mean to be a couple.

 

When I had my chance , I really didnt know how to be successful in a relationship, I couldnt see it from the outside and thereforeeee failed, I am very confident that now I am capable of having an awesome relationship with this girl, We was very much in love, Lots of amazing times, but a few of my "issues" caused the split. But your right Süsser Tod I need to accept the breakup and move on. Its just so very hard when you become enlightened and begin to appreciate what you had and what you could potentially give. Ive been very blind and I can see it all clear as day now.

 

All I can say is often, when it does happen, when you do find they are with someone else for example, it often is not as bad as you thought it would be. In some ways....it helps you move on faster. Not saying it won't hurt, but it does motivate you to move forward in my experience at least. I mean fact is that others WILL have opportunity with her now too, but other women will in time (as you heal!) have opportunity with YOU too.

Yeah, your right RayKay, I try and imagine it happening and then think it would actually be easier because I could then really begin to push them out of my life as I know there is simply nothing I can do and all the hope is gone.

 

Well..... I thought this life had been hard in the past, but boy did I not know about this little emotional rollercoaster.

[crvers]

Dude, I know exactly what your going through.

 

I'll let you in on a well known secret....Time. Time will eventually start letting you deal with those thoughts. Right now everything is fresh in your mind and thoughts of her with another guy will be constantly going through it. I know I had the same problem.

 

About 2 months ago I was a complete mess. Look at some of my previous posting if you want to see. 2 months ago I constantly had a visual of what was going on with her and another guy she was hanging out with. Today those thoughts have become less and less. Most parts of the day I don't even think about her now.

 

Its hard, but I can guarantee with a little mind over matter and time, those thoughts will become a distant memory.

[pablovblack]

Dude, I know exactly what your going through.

 

Its hard, but I can guarantee with a little mind over matter and time, those thoughts will become a distant memory.

 

Thanks Man.

[kickedwhereithurts]

All I can say is often, when it does happen, when you do find they are with someone else for example, it often is not as bad as you thought it would be. In some ways....it helps you move on faster. Not saying it won't hurt, but it does motivate you to move forward in my experience at least. I mean fact is that others WILL have opportunity with her now too, but other women will in time (as you heal!) have opportunity with YOU too.

 

-RayKay

 

I would entirely agree with this.

Personally, if I know from the start that an ex has gone off with someone else, then they dont even get the curtesy of it hurting me.....call it whatever you will, but that to me is the end all of a relationship. final! never go back because they will do it again, if not to you, to the person they went to (I've seen it done many times)....personally very easy to move on, the ex simply deserves no respect.

I have no idea if this is something that is ingrained into me from childhood, but I expect to be treated as I treat others, I certainly would not do that to anyone that I ever had an ounce of respect for, even if my feelings for them changed and do not expect it done to me....had it done though! and those ex's were happy times to let go of.

 

However, if an ex has let go, then months down the line got together with someone, then I suppose its down to the individual?...there is no magical cure for avoiding it hurting.

Its almost something that you need to expect, a few weeks ago this thought would have killed me, but now, I am happy with it, as long as shes happy, as I know its bound to happen at some point, I would never hold it against her if she ever wanted to come back (and indeed it may be one of the reasons that she wants to come back after seeing that being with someone else is not as good) but I doubt now she will ever come back from a realistic point of view.

 

Its all just down to the great cliche of "time"..none of us know how long it will take for things to get easier....sometimes things can just hit you overnight and you will be fine the next day from that day onwards, sometimes knowing they have met someone else can help speed healing up and others is just a long slow healing process, I've been through all, but usually something just clicks one day or night that makes me re-focus suddenly.

[sukerbut]

helped me out...as soon as i found out she was living with someone i was done.. completely healed overnight..weird..i pined for her to come back for 6 months...but once i knew this...the flame just died..actually i am repulsed by her now...

[alteer]

OMG this is exactly the problem I'm having. My brain/imagination is working overtime. Picturing him with someone else is absolutely killing me.......

[therealshrek]

But what is the hardest part for me to get my head round is the thought of some other guy trying to score with my ex, it absolutely destroys me to think about it, Knowing that some other guy is going to be allowed his chance, when I know now if I had that same chance It would be all good.

im on the same boat, man.