my partner left 1 mth ago

[jue]

hi, my partner left me nearly a 1 mth ago for someone else after 11yrs, im devastated, but not as bad as i was in the first week, i have seen him 3 times since he left, i am moving home and not planning on seeing him for a long time, if you knew him you would never have thought this would happen, dont get me wrong , i know i played apart in our relationship ending, i wasnt the nicest person to live with especially in the last 4wk, he came out of hospital after having a knee op and i must admit i was awful , total * * * * *, to me he should have spoke to me instead of jumping into bed with someone else,what did she do.. i no she listened,understood,cared...after seeing her for what i can only go on him saying was 10wks..10wks he left me gosh she must be something,(not!). he has told me he doesnt love me anymore but he cares for me and he sometimes thinks of me cos we were together for a long time.i havent got angry. pple say that comes but i honestly dont think it will . i know her first name that it, and that he met her through someone at work, this is hard, i have known him since i was 10yrs old , so b4 we got together we were always in each others lives as friends and we were good friends, now this, i miss him, he made me laugh would do anything for anyone, and i do think i want him back even though i know he doesnt want me, howw sad am i..ive rang and when he hasnt answered that hurts cos then i know he busy with his new life with her, i could swear now but i wont. when will the pain go

[joyce1412]

hey there. i'm very sorry to hear all that.

 

you'll be surprised, but you WILL get angry. i think the anger impulse is because the brain finally says, "hey! that wasn't fair!" and stops pining for a second...that's the part of our brain that keeps us from letting people walk all over us. and the being angry is kind of nice, because it snaps you out of thinking your guy is perfect. i know, trust me, i thought the same thing about my guy: that he was amazing, that he could never do something as cruel as this. i'm still a little floored, believe me. but people have failings, you know? even though you might think he is wonderful, that doesn't mean he is 100% what you wanted/hoped he would be. unfortunately, great people can still make horrible mistakes and do terribly hurtful things. try to take him off the pedestal you put him on as much as you possibly can. i know it's hard.

 

i'm sorry to hear that you two had such a history also. i can't imagine how hard that must be. you might not be ready to start thinking in this direction...however, sometimes the people we know from an early age aren't perfect for us. we grow up with them and as a result have a lot in common, but we might have some fundamental personality and value differences with them that we overlooked because of the shared history and all the memories. so like i said, maybe you're not ready to start thinking this way, but try to chew on it, perhaps.

 

i hope you feel better...you're going to be okay! let us know how you're doing.