Are you in love? It's a simple question.

[Frangipani]

The man I love is seeing someone else because at the time...I was not available. Its a case of terrible timing. They have an odd relationship to say the least and he is very different with her than he was with me (eg, they never touch in public, no open displays of affection etc), whereas always did those things. And its the same when Im not there...so i know its not just for my benefit.

 

What I want to know is this, mutual friends have asked him if he is 'in love' with her (been together 8 months) but he never answers with a straight yes or no. Its always, "I'm not telling," or some such thing. He avoids it, yet when he was with me he wanted to tell anyone who whould listen. What does that mean? I say - no.

 

He has given me hope in the past that hes really not sure about her and will think about us (we are an awesome match) but I'm getting tired of it all.

[melrich]

I agree. I say no. If you are in love with someone.....most people want to share it.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You should be tired of it all. I go along with thinking if he wanted to be with you he would do whatever he had to do to make it happen. I'm guessing no rational man would believe that dating another girl is the direct route to your heart.

 

Does he love her? Who cares. If he's not doing what he needs to do, then best thing for you is to keep on moving. If he wants to catch up, that's up to him.

[autumn]

When you try to move on, he will begin to reevaluate what you mean to him, because only when he begins to lose you will he think about the value of what he needs. Then you will know where you stand.

[Frangipani]

It's hard because we are going on a OS trip together for a month soon, even though he knows how I feel. I can't believe she would be OK with it?

[Aschleigh]

I am in love with my boyfriend and he is in love with me. I know this becuase he told me he was in love with me and I told him I was in love with him.

This guy, any guy, if he were in love with you would be doing what it takes to be with you and tell you loving things if not directly tell you he was in love with you.

I wish someone had told me this many years ago.

Find someone who pays a lot of attention to you, who is honest and who doesn't have a girlfriend. You will save yourself a lot of time.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Agree with Aschleigh, you should move on. If he wants to make it happen he can let you know when he has ended things with his GF. And who knows, you might still be available at that time...

[Frangipani]

Thanks all, but my question was more about him being in love with her. And why he wont commit to an answer when people ask him.

 

I'm also not sure how I will cope with on this trip.

[monkey1]

Whether this guy is in love with this girl or not, I suggest you leave him be and not going on a trip with him. You're trying to be with a guy who isn't avaliable even if he can't say whether he's in love or not.

 

If he's given you hope about being with you, but he's been with this girl for 8 months, how long are you going to wait? Why are you trying to be with a man you love who won't leave his girlfriend?

 

You deseve to be with someone who wants to be with you and isn't involved in a relationship. I know it's hard to leave someone who is involved in a relationship, but really, it's not fair to you or the girl he's been with.

 

You need to leave this man and move on. He may realize he wants to be with you later on and things my work out in your favor.

[Frangipani]

I can't cancel my OS trip. It was MY trip in the first place and I had decided to go alone. I am using FF miles and they are non-refundable. HE decided to come with ME. I did not coerce him in any way. All I told him, in casual converstion on MSN one day, was that I had registered for an event that I am attending (that we both planned to do 2 years ago) while away. Out of the blue two days later he said he would like to still come.

 

Well, I sort of took this as a sign that he might be not be seeing her anymore or not be too serious about her. We don't live in the same towns I can't SEE what is happening. But he is still seeing her and has told her he is going. I amazed he could actually plan a trip with me while still with her.

 

THAT is why I'm asking the question. he has now booked HIS flights with FF miles too. Im just confused about it all. Surely he would want to go on anOS trip with his girlfriend? Not me.

 

PS: we were involved in the past intimatley but have not been since he has been with her. Please don't misunderstand that. he has told me many things but we havent been intimate since he started seeing her. I have more integrity.

[Skippy]

lets get this right. you are trying to date an attached man. You have decided to travel with him overseas.

Whether his is happily attached or not isnt the point.

 

You shouldnt be doing this.

[Frangipani]

Ummm...this trip is MY trip and he invited himself along. If anyone should cancel their plans it should be him!! Why should I cancel something I booked before he decided to come?

 

I'm not trying to date him...I'm just trying to find out where his head is at because, yeah, it does affect me. When he told me he wanted to come I thought it was very odd and assumed that he had split up with her. but he hasn't.

 

Please don't judge me here...I'm just asking for help. Also remember that he and I were best friends for years before any of this happened. Hes not just some random person.

[Skippy]

hmmm. ok, have you thought of making it clear that you feel uncomfortable with the whole idea?

[monkey1]

The you need to tell him he needs to not go on this trip with you. You should go on this trip, and not talk to him for a while so he can be at home with his girlfriend and figure out if he wants to be with her or you.

 

Personally, if I was his girlfriend and knew he was going on a trip with his ex, I'd be so upset. I'd just break up with him right there if he insisted that he was going.

[Frangipani]

Yes, well I agree Monkey. And I have no idea why she would stay. I wouldn't put up with it either.

 

But WHY would he 'want' to do this? He knows how much I still feel for him and that I would love to have a relationship with him (as I have said - I am NOT persuing this).

 

If someone had feelings of love for me and I didn't feel the same, the last thing I am going to do is encourage them to spend time with me - especially not a 36 day trip. He asked me to come overseas with him (when he was single and wanted me last year) but I was attatched and told him, 'No!! It's not right'.

 

I don't get ANY of it. I'm confused and upset and people here just judge>=

[hurtingrl]

hmmm....well to answer your question my guess is that he is going with you because he is having issues with her. Not that I have a clue about his character but I would also guess that he might not be telling her where he is going if she knows about you, but....

 

can you explain the timing thing, was he your boyfriend at some point? did he say that he loved you at some point? I'm not clear on that part.

 

Because if none of that happened, she might not even know about the connection between the two of you and just say something like yeah I'm going with this friend and we've made plans forever ago, etc....

 

With that said, I still think if you love him you should ask him to not go and sort out his feelings with her (and you). What if he goes with you and things are great and then he comes back to be with her? That would be hard for you.

 

I would talk to him and ask him what you are asking us....what his intentions are for the trip.