A very dramatic teen break-up.I need any advice you can give

[brokenhearted_031202]

I'm 14... And I'm coping with a really tough break-up. I'll explain the situation so you can better understand what I'm going through. A year and 1/2 ago, I became friends with this guy, Don, he's 17, who my best friend had an awful obsession with. She always had me talking to him on the phone, and internet trying to get him to hook up with her, but it never worked, and in the mean time, he and I became best friends. I noticed us staying on the phone longer, talking about more personal things, talking more, making an effort to see each other, and other stuff. After about 3 months of him giving me "guy advice", me giving him "girl advice", us pouring our hearts out to each other, and helping each other through very tough times, I had to dig deep down in me, and find out how I felt for him. I loved the way he cared for me, and he always was willing to listen as long as I was willing to talk. He was shy, and so was I, but I knew that I had to be the one to confront him. One night, I was out walking with his best friend, and I told him how I felt, I told him that I was beginning to really like Don. And he told me to go for it. The only way I could get the courage to do it, was through an email. I told him how much I cared about him, and how I thought we could really have something special, and I also told him how I was scared, and I didn't want to ever lose our special friendship. He didn't write me back, and I began to worry. A week or 2 went by, and he began calling, and we started seeing each other at least 3 times a week. We had made it clear that we were now "talking." I discussed the situation w/ my parents, and told them that I thoght I was mature enough to handle a relationship w/ a guy 4 and 1/2 years older than me, and they put their trust in me. Two months had passed, and we were still titled as "talking." We didn't do things in public, we didnt date. We just talked, shared deep dark secrets, and confided everything in each other. When Christmas came, he asked me to his dance with him. And my parents let me go. I was nervous, I was in 7TH GRADE, AND HE WAS A SENIOR! We had a great time. Three faithful months later, he asked me "if I wanted to use the title." And I said yes. He and I were a couple and I couldn't have been happier. We continued to get closer. I would stay the night at a friends house, and he would drive up there, and we would sneak out to sit outside and talk to him. I would go walking, and just by "coincidence" (haha) I would walk by his house and he would be outside. I'd go to his best friends house, and meet him there. All of this my parents were clueless about. They trusted me, and never knew I was betraying them. Me and Don were SO close. We had discussed our future together, and decided not to have sex until we were married, b/c we wanted that to be a special thing we shared w/ each other. (You have to understand that I am a VERY mature person for my age, mentally, physically, and emotionally.) We spent almost every day together. He graduated, and that made things weird. But he picked me up from school EVERY DAY, we would either go to his house and watch a movie, or he would come to my house. His older friends even accepted me. My parents were so thrilled that I had found someone so caring, and that was so respectful. I thought I was doing so good. I could make my parents think anything. So I took a little more advantage. I would stay at my friends house, walk up to Don's house, or one of his friends house, and we would stay up all night watching movies, or talking, and we would come home early in the morning. My parents would NEVER find out. It was great. After we had been together for about 6 months, we began to argue, and bicker more. I would be controlling, and he would rebel. He never cheated on me, and I never cheated on him, We wanted to piss each other off, not hurt each other. We loved each other so much. One weekend, he went to a nearby college with some of his classmates he graduated with. I didn't like the idea, but I couldn't tell him no. Afterwards I was VERY ill, and he promised he wouldnt do it again. I was afriad he would be pressured into doing drugs, or drinking, and he would do something he didn't realize. And we had a thing going on that NEITHER of us did drugs or drank. I didn't want to risk getting in trouble and losing him, and when he met me he changed, he used to be in all that, but some how I influenced a change, and he didn't want to be a part of it. On on 7 month anniversary, he came to my house for an hour, and left to go out w/ male and female friends. It made me SO MAD. But as usual, I gave in, accepted his apology, and we were ok. That weekend, I went to stay at my friends house, so we could sneak out and go to his friends house, and we could be w/ each other all night. That early saturday, Me, My friend, and his friends mom went shopping and were planning on coming home, and Don, and his friend and everyone being there, and we were gonna watch movies all night, My mom thought I was at my friends house. Well, After shopping, I called Don, and he said that he was on his way to the college, and he'd call me back. I told him No, and that we had been arguing too much lately, and he broke a promise to me. I told him maybe we needed a break from each other. I got off the phone, in tears, and his friends mom was gonna make everything better. She took me to a car lot, let me pick a car, and we went on a secluded rode and she let me drive. I was depressed, but I was trying to hide it. When we got home, it was later on in the night. Don's friend got on the internet, and he was more on my side, b/c he knew how Don had been treating me, anyway he got on the internet and Don was on. He found out Don had got drunk, and I got on there and tried talking and he was being so mean. I got off the computer and tried to call him and he wouldnt pick up. I was on the edge. I got back on the computer, and he said he couldn't talk to me b/c it was long distance. Don's friend arranged it so that, his parents could go pick Don up, B/c I was so tore up, and I wanted to be w/ him. So at 2:30 in the mornin', they got in the car for the 2 hour drive, and we went and got Don. We came back to don's friends house, and decided to work things out, and we fell asleep. That afternoon, my mom walked in the house and caught me being out all night and took me home. I was in so much trouble. My mom told me to end my relationship, and I told her I did. But I snuck on the phone w/ him anyway. Soon to find out, It wasn't that he couldn't talk to me at the college b/c it was long distance, he was on the phone with another girl. He had been talking on the phone, and having bad conversations with that girl for the month. It hurt so bad. And I broke up with him again. I was so hurt. A year and a 1/2 w/ someone and they broke my heart. It hurt me to tell him It was over. My home life was screwed. I tried to commit suicide, tried to run away, had police at my house everyday, I was just torn apart. I had no one, I treated everyone like crap. I took my problems out on what friend I didn't give up for him, and I had no one. So I hooked up w/ an ex-boyfriend, Ryan, from a while back, who was controlling, but he was someone to talk to. I wanted to die. After all this blew over, which was about 2 weeks ago, He tried to make it up to me. I was still w/ Ryan so I couldn't respond to his emails, I wanted to make things better. But my parents wouldn't allow it, He was 18, They were in charge. SO I stayed with Ryan to make them happy. I still loved him so much. I threatened the girl Don cheated on me with, and got kicked out of school, which wasn't good for a 4.0 student, and transferred schools. I was trying to get a new start, and make a total turn around. Ryan dumped me, and Dons still emailing me. So now I'm going through more than one tough thing. I'm trying to move on, But I can't. I want to be friends with Don, but I dont know if I can. He just wants to talk and Carry on like he didnt cheat on me, but he always has to include that he still loves me. Yeah, I do still love him, but I can't say it. It hurts so bad. I'm playing sports again, and trying to keep occupied, but the hurts still there, I boxed up everything that reminded me of him, but I'm still hurting. We've been broken up for a month now, And the pain is still there. I need help. I need someone who can relate to this to tell me what to do. I have no one and I'm just looking for something. Just someone to give me a little advice. I would appriciate it SO much. Thank you.

[Wildncrazzy4u172]

Well honey, I know where youre coming from and the most important thing I'm about to tell you is that, when you love someone, theres not a thing in the world you can do to make that love go away. I do understand that youre ex boyfriend, the 17 yr old, cheated on you, and I know most girls would say, once a cheater always a cheater, but thats not always true. People learn to change, and Let me tell you from experience... If this guy is trying to get you to go back with him, trust me, If you don't... you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You may think hes always going to be there begging you to be with him again.. but let me tell you, thats not true either. One day you'll wake up and that guy that you love so much, will probably wake up one be with another girl, and eventually he'll start to love her, and then you'll want him back more than anything you've ever wanted. And about your parents not wanting you to be with that guy? I honestly say screw them. They are not the ones who is going to have to live with him the rest of their lives. If you love him, theres not a thing in the world they can do about it, even though they could keep you from going anywhere, but what are the odds of that? Try to talk to your parents, and tell them you understand that its hard for them to trust you, but you love him, and just tell them how you feel. Well I hope I helped.. If you need anything email me

 

email removed

 

Love yas ~Jenn[/b]

[focus]

well what wildncrazzy said is true... if you love him and you don't give him another chance you will definitely always wonder 'what if' and probably have many moments when you will regret it...

 

BUT... as hard as it is, you have to try to think logically about the situation and put not let your emotions control you.

 

Has he admited that he has done something wrong? You stated that he's acting like nothing happened. If this is the case, then you can't go back. Only if he 'acts' like he is really sorry and that he won't repeat his infraction can you begin to consider taking him back. (And notice I said 'act' because you must judge what he 'does' not what he 'says'.)

 

If he is acting like nothing happened. Then this is a bad sign.

 

Now, even if he truly acts remorseful you run into a second problem... he has screwed up and you are forgiving him. No matter how sincere he is about being sorry, by you forgiving him, you are subcontiously telling him that he can screw up and get away with it. I'm not saying he will screw up again necessarily, but now he knows that you will take him back. This makes a relationship a lot more tense as you will never trust him as much as before and will always have a sliver of doubt on the back of your mind. And if he had a problem with you being controlling before... well the situation just got a whole lot worse.

 

Then you have the added problem of distance. He does not live close to you. A long distance relationship is hard work to begin with, but imagine a long distance relationship with someone who you don't really trust anymore because they cheated on you? What is that going to be like?

 

In the end you have to look at the bottom line. You love him, but how does he really feel about you? Do not look at his words but his actions. He cheated on you. Does a person that truly loves you do this? If you say no, you will always wonder 'what if' and have regrets... but if you say yes, you are running the risk of having the same thing happen again.

 

Ofcourse I know walking away is easier to say then to do. I am actually in the very similar situation as you so I know how you feel. Being in this situation hurts and makes you feel empty and alone. And it destroys your self esteem. But if you go back and he does it again... it will destroy your self esteem even more. Your heart tells you to take him back, but your heart is blind. You have to try to think with your mind as hard as that is to do.

 

Time will help the situation... but when you're in pain time seems to move so slowly. But honestly, you know it in your mind if you think hard enough. Is he sorry? Is he sincere? Don't be confused about what you 'want' and what the 'truth' is.

 

As hard as it is... just make this decision with your mind and not with your heart.

[jillybean2886]

EVERYONE WILL ALWAYS TELL YOU THAT YOUR SO YOUNG AND YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, AND THAT IS TRUE. YOU HAVE TO STOP AND THINK THOUGH IF THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. I AGREE THAT IT IS NOT ALWAYS "ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER" BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE COULD DO IT AGAIN. IT HURTS LIKE HELL I WON'T DENY THAT AND NOTHING I CAN SAY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. MAYBE YOU JUST NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME AND RE-EVALUATE WHAT HE REALLY MEANS TO YOU. ARE YOU WILLING TO GET HURT AGAIN AND TAKE THAT RISK? OR ARE YOU WILLING TO MOVE ON AND SEE WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE. THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA, AND BELIEVE ME I NEVER WANTED TO HEAR THAT WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, BUT YOU HIT A POINT WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THAT IS TRUE. SORRY YOUR HURTING, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.

[kimichuck]

PLEASE PLEASE USE PARAGRAPHS! Reading that was bloody hard!! All i can say is, the best idea is to probably move on, don't try and keep him as a friend, there are too many memories you will blame each other for different things etc etc. You have a lot of life to live, and a lots of people to meet!