lostheart23 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 How do you tell your ex that you have been hurt by them so much that you don't want to be with them anymore? i met someone new and really adore him.. i still care about my ex and love him but i know it cant work because we've hurt each other too much. should i tell him im going off with someone else. or should i just tell him that i give up.. or should i just start NC? when do i start it??? i know that trying to work things out with him would be a HUGE struggle. and i don't want to stress myself out anymore. i don't want to hurt him but he hurt me so much. the new guy wants to spend the summer with me in another state and im supposed to leave in 3 days. the ex has no clue and we talk alot. i don't know what to do because i know im going to leave. im scared he's going to send emails and millions of phone calls if i just disappear. we were having talks about getting back together.. and he was still confused over a new girl. now i don't want him anymore. how do i end this with the least feelings of guilt possible?? Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Tell him that you don't think things will ever work out between the two of you (because of all the hurt) and that you decided to move on. And for now the best thing for both of you would be to go NC. Tell him from here on out we should both agree on NC. But that maybe in the future there would be a possiblity of friendship. Wish him luck and say goodbye. Be sure you stick to the NC though, if he still has feelings for you its best for him to not have contact and even for yourself and your new relationship. Link to comment
boxinggirl89 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 right.. well in my opinon if this guy (ur ex) has been trating you badly then i think you were right in leaving him for this new guy which to me seems very romantic wanting to spend the summe with you..bless! i think you should have a little talk with your ex and let him know how you feel its best to tell the truth and if he is sensitive person then i suggest you take it easy with him.. just mention that you werent together and now you feel and have met someone that you love more which somehow he cant of if he treated you badly.. also i think he will understand hopefully even tho of course he will be upset but im sure he will get over it as you wewrent together when you met this other guy were you? you were free and single..so you can do what you please! well i hope everything owrks best for you and your new bf and ur ex too. good luck.. take care.. luv frankee x x Link to comment
Skippy Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 tell THE truth!! tHE Truth hurts initially but in the long run BOTH of you will grow stronger and healther. Say you have been hurt by this relationship for far too long that you have decided that you dont want to be in a relationship with him. There is too much pain there. Tell him you are going to be out of state with a friend over summer to help heal yourself because that is what you need. Apologies for ending it like this but you are going to have to help yourself. Start NC when you go away as distance helps. DO not just disappear, it is a cowards way out and it is WRONG! About the new guy, be aware of the rebound thing which will cause you more pain. Right now any decent guy is going to be overrated as you are breaking up. Hope this helps BTW. leave out as much details about your 'friend' when he ask. (cos he will) say that it doesnt matter who it is and stick to the subject which is endig the relationship. Link to comment
boxinggirl89 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 yeah.. i guess your right.. but the truth may hurt but it is also good in the long run really! i mean i would prob try making up excuses but then id come to a decision where i would really prefer to tell the truth.. yea i no it may hurt but its better than lying.. dont you think? anywayz.. either way.. i ghope everything goes ok for you all! take care x x Link to comment
Dako Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Tell the truth. A clean, unambiguous break will let him heal faster. Look at all the threads by miserable folks trying to rekindle hope after a vague breakup. I'm so grateful my ex said goodbye and moved out in 30 minutes instead of dragging it out. It's like removing a band-aid. Do right it for his sake, and you can move on and deal with your guilt, knowing you've done the best you can. Link to comment
majord23 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 You haven't said much about the new guy. How long have you known him/been together? You were having talks with your ex about getting back together - how long ago? Was the new guy on the scene then? Or did he arrive while these discussions were taking place? It would help if you could elaborate a bit. Your feelings for the new guy are the issue here - is it going somewhere? Or do you like him because it's all so 'new'? If you're sure about the new guy - tell the truth. If not, then you have to decide if calling things off with your ex is the right course of action - and if you spring this 'out of the blue', then you are running the risk of losing your ex forever. Link to comment
lostheart23 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 no i really do like him ALOT. we already have been talking about a future together. we connect amazingly. i feel like ive already lost my ex forever because even though we love each other, the special feeling we once had(i think) is gone. Link to comment
majord23 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 no i really do like him ALOT. we already have been talking about a future together. we connect amazingly. i feel like ive already lost my ex forever because even though we love each other, the special feeling we once had(i think) is gone. I understand that, but how long have you known him and when did he come onto the scene? (was it when you were discussing getting back with your ex?). Link to comment
brando Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Just be sure to check yourself first, before getting involved again. If you were hurt by your ex, simply leaving him is not going to heal you quickly. And it may carry over into this new potential relationship. I would be honest with your ex... he is even confused over a new reltionship,. so getting back together even for him is causing him some confusing. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Just tell him you've had enough of being hurt by him and need to move on for both your sakes. Link to comment
lostheart23 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 no, it's not a rebound... ive dated a few other guys since the ex.. and this one is different. definitely not a rebound relationship Link to comment
majord23 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 lostheart, you do seem reluctant to answer questions regarding how long you have known the new guy, or whether he was around when you were discussing reconciling with your ex. The reasons for this aren't apparent but it's only natural that people will then assume that perhaps this is a 'rebound'. Posters who are saying 'rebound' are not accusing you (rebound is not a dirty word), but are merely attempting to get you to analyse the relationship you have with the new man before embarking on anything major, or casting your ex aside for good. Keep in mind that we are all working with the very limited amount of information you have given us surrounding your new relationship. Link to comment
lostheart23 Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 i have been seeing the new guy for 3 months now and am in love with him. i mainly have feelings of guilt about hurting the ex now. i knew the new guy for a few months before we dated. Link to comment
lostheart23 Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 yes... im not being defensive.. sorry if it seemed like it. i just know it's not a rebound this time. i already had a rebound relationship and know what it's like!!! it's awful!! Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Rebound means you dated someone else to get over the pain of the ex. If that's the case, it probably won't work out. However, no one but you really knows. I started dating someone else very quickly after my last relationship because when I broke it off, I had not an ounce of love left for him in my soul. But back to the main ordeal: just tell your ex the truth. You aren't interested. Link to comment
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