Family friends/ Relative

[ld25]

My grandad has been poorly ill for the last few months and we had done our best to treat him at a private hospital. However, today we had his biopsy results and they confirmed that he's having cancer. They have to test him further to examine if it has spread elsewhere etc., I can feel that his days are nearing and he'll be gone forever sometime soon.

 

I grew up at my grandparents all my life and have only been away from home for the last couple of years. I am still away from home and this kills me. I wish to spend sometime with him during his last days of life but i'm unable to due to my educational committments. It kind of makes me feel guilty for being selfish in a way...

 

I never had a proper chance to say goodbye to my loved departed ones...and I really want to spend sometime with him and I feel so frustrated and helpless....

 

To make things worse, i just heard about a death in the family (relative) which makes me feel very restless.

 

Thanks for listening...

 

LD

[ld25]

Another sad story:

My cousin lost his sister just few years ago when she committed suicide just because she scored lesser marks than she expected (She passed but her grades were low or so). Their dad was so much attached to his daughter, that he almost went crazy after she died. Their loving family was torn apart due to her death and the parents almost divorced/separated.

 

However, my cousin (aged 20 years) moved on and married his sweet heart (aged 18 years) in a year to bring some happiness into the family. This was a life changing situation b'cos as expected, slowly the family was regaining its normality. They had a baby just 10 months ago and everything was fine until yesterday when my cousin's wife committed suicide after they had a silly argument. (They argued over which brand of milk powder to use. I mean this sounds really silly....but they both were too young to be married and be parents anyway...)

 

Their family is totally devastated. My cousin is in a terrible state! I couldn't find words to convince/console him. I feel very sorry for him because he may feel responsible/guilty for her death. I am just lost! I do not know what to say/do?

 

This adds on to my existing worries and makes me feel depressed!

 

I just want to help my cousin feel better and ease their pain over this loss! He's got to raise a 10 months baby on his own now!

 

Any advice/suggestions on how to handle this??

 

Thanks,

LD

[Tigris]

I'm sure that wasn't the only thing that caused your cousin's wife to do it. That was probably 'the straw that broke the camels back'.

 

I'm sorry but no matter what you do for your cousin right now won't help him. I know how frustrating it is not to be able to help because I was in this same position when my Grandfather died and I could hear my Grandmother crying through the bedroom wall.

 

About your Grandfather, he loves you. I'm sure he'd want you to continue and with your studies and get the best education possible. He wants you to have a successful future. Do well and make him proud. This is the best present you could ever give him.

 

As long as you have him in your memories and your heart he'll always be with you. Think of the good times, the ones that made him laugh, etc.

[ld25]

Thanks Tigris,

Your words are comforting which i most need at this time. I am trying to arrange to visit my grandad sooner so that i could spend few weeks with him. But it's really hard for me...not just to go home, but to realise the fact that i cannot be with him for longer and have to return back.

 

Last year, i visited him and given his health conditions, everyone at home including me believed that it might be the last time i see him alive. So, the last few days before departure, i felt so bad/guilty to leave him and go away. I spent hours together to say goodbye to him b'cos of the fear that he might die before my next visit. But, every single minute, i hoped and prayed that he should be alive atleast to see me graduate. I still hope the same!

 

However, the fear to face the reality strikes every now and then and I fear to go home b'cos i dont want to come back!

 

I am unable to let my emotions out and I have a deep pain (choking like..) in my throat. It's hard to explain....but the pain worsens everytime, i think abt this!

 

Thnx,

LD

[Tigris]

The pain could be anxiety. If it continues have a word with your doctor just to make sure you're ok.

 

I know what you are going through is hard. If you take one day at a time it's a little bit easier to get through.

 

PM me anytime.

 

Take care

[btbt]

ld25, I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather's illness. It's really hard to balance the things that are going on with your life and trying to be there for family members. I would suggest that you talk to people at your school and see if they can reschedule some of your requirements so that you have the proper time to spend with your grandfather. When my father was dying of cancer, I took several months off to be with him. It was hard to do because I had many professional commitments, but my friend put it the best -- your eduction and career will always be there and you can pick up where you left off, but this might be the only chance that you have with your relative. The choice is up to you, but it might take off some stress to not think of this as an either or situation. You can continue on with your education while taking care of your family. Again, I'd suggest you try to work something out with your school. Most places are very sympathetic to this kind of thing and will be able to work something out. In the end, if you set yourself back a few days, weeks or a semester, it might be worth it, since this might be your only chance to see your grandfather. I'm also sorry to hear about your cousin. It seems like when all this over you need some time for yourself to grieve and heal. This is just as important as doing well in your educational goals. Best wishes.

[ld25]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your posts and kind words of reassurance. My grandad had a medical examination yesterday to check if his bone marrow etc., has been affected. Luckily, it wasn't so! So, in a way, I hope that his health is atleast not going to decline rapidly. Atleast, i will have a good chance to see him and spend some time with him.

 

Thanks btbt, i managed to speak to the school and get some time off but it wont be until august that i can visit him.

 

Once again, thanks for your posts!!!

 

Regards,

LD

[Tigris]

You sound a lot happier now. I hope things get better for you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[ld25]

Thanks Tigris for your kind words and support. I am getting to terms with the news & facts. But sometimes shock puts you off the track & makes you moan and moan until you find the way out.

Cheers,

LD